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Original poster

Never planned my wedding as a girl

137 replies

TenCornMaidens · 27/04/2020 12:46

I just watched the episode of Friends where Monica says girls all plan their ideal wedding throughout their lives. I know it's only TV, but I just never did this, or don't remember if I did.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Anyone else?

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 27/04/2020 13:47

I didn't. In fact before I met DH I was adamant that I was never getting married and never having children!

Mominatrix · 27/04/2020 13:49

No, I never did either. My parents actively discouraged marriage because they thought it would limit my career potential, particularly if I had children so I grew up thinking that marriage and children were for suckers.

That didn't work out so well in the long run.

Bloodybridget · 27/04/2020 13:51

No, I never imagined my wedding or being married. Don't know if it's related, but I realised I was a lesbian aged 20.

MrsAvocet · 27/04/2020 13:57

I was a teenager when Charles and Diana got married and I was marginally interested in the pomp and circumstance (but mainly pleased to get a day off school.) I recall conversations at school about what our weddings might be like at around that time, but other than that I can't recall ever discussing wedding plans with anyone and I didn't give the subject any thought whatsoever until I was getting married myself. Even then I was pretty laid back about it. I bought my wedding dress on the way home from work one day. I'd had to park in a different carpark as my usual one was full so I walked past a shop I'd not seen before. Dress was in the window. I liked it so I went in 10 mins before they closed. I liked it, it more or less fitted so I bought it. Job done. I dont get this business of taking your mum, bridesmaids and your grandmother's next door neighbour's dog groomer to sit around drinking prosecco whilst you try dozens of dresses on. If my daughter wants me to do that she can take a hike. But she won't.

DDIJ · 27/04/2020 14:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

JuniLoolaPalooza · 27/04/2020 14:08

No.
Two cats, mortgage and two kids and not married now either.
Can't face it, and if I ever did dream of it, it certainly wasn't the multi stage Hollywood production you're supposed to put on now. When the bride is making special table pieces to reflect the name of the table, which reflects special places/songs/movies in the couple's life...I just don't have it in me!
I know all of that stuff is unnecessary but it does seem expected.

MinorArcana · 27/04/2020 14:13

No childhood wedding planning here either.

The thought of having to do wedding planning was stressful when I first got engaged - we were considering eloping and having a secret wedding to avoid the actual wedding planning at one point - but once we decided that we didn’t have to do a big wedding to please everyone else, it all got a lot simpler and more relaxed.

firstimemamma · 27/04/2020 14:13

It's not just you. When I was a child I was adamant that I was never going to get married. I think it was because i saw such appalling adult relationships growing up and it put me off.

Met the love of my life age 25 and we are engaged and so happy. I absolutely can't wait to marry him although the actual wedding day itself I'm still not fussed by. Just happy to have something small and fuss-free so definitely not turned into Monica in that regard!

Things can sure change! Smile

TheNoodlesIncident · 27/04/2020 14:14

I didn't, but I had a delightful stepfather who told me that I was so ugly I'd never get married. So I genuinely thought it would never apply to me. Without that, I doubt I would still have given it much thought anyway. I didn't go to any weddings as a child, and when playing with dolls I tended to make them be "down on their luck" rather than well-off and successful. I don't know what that says about me...

When it came to our actual wedding, DH did most of the organising. I recall saying "Yep, that sounds OK, let's do that then." And my mum insisted on having her mate make my wedding dress, which I didn't really want. Perhaps that was the only aspect I was bothered about, had planned to go dress shopping with DSis but that was scuppered by my mum's arrangements.

Oh well. Water under the bridge.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 27/04/2020 14:15

neither did i
tbh dh organised our entire wedding. so I didn't plan the actual thing either.

HenSolo · 27/04/2020 14:18

No! This bit in Friends makes me roll my eyes. I absolutely love going to my friends weddings because I love a party but have no intention of getting married and think it is incredibly sexist that it is held up as a pinnacle of achievement for a woman. Every wedding I go to, as fun as they are, cements my belief - last one the speeches banged on about the grooms achievements and how beautiful the bride was. She’d just finished her PHD for Christ’s sake and a lot more accomplished than him grrrr

SallyWD · 27/04/2020 14:19

Nope. I never wanted to be the "bride". In fact I couldn't think of anything worse than a big wedding with me as the centre of attention. I felt so strongly opposed to this that when I got married I insisted on just me, DH and 2 witnesses and the registry office. It was perfect!

mencken · 27/04/2020 14:19

another 'WTF' here - although Monica from Friends is hardly anyone's role model.

no objection to marriage but if the option to sign without ceremony had been available at the time, would have taken it. As it was, kept it as minimal as possible and no regrets. What is this make up of which you speak, anyway?

TheClitterati · 27/04/2020 14:21

It never occurred to me either.

I'm always perplexed by these ideas that get floated that "ever girl" dreams of her wedding & every woman wants a big fancy wedding. Just feels like lies, lies, lies to me.

Maybe its the flipside of the "of course all men watch porn" coin.

okiedokieme · 27/04/2020 14:21

No, and when I did marry I sorted it in 10 weeks, no fuss. If I remarry I might put more thought into it due to difficult logistics but for now can't really be bothered

Nestofvipers · 27/04/2020 14:22

@Drivingdownthe101
It is definitely something people in real life do.

I remember having a message from a friend when she announced her engagement with a comment about the wedding “obviously being the day everyone dreams about since they were a little girl”. And I remember thinking “really do they?!? Is that what normal people do?!?” And that clearly the £1000s her parents had spent on her education was a complete waste of money if this is how she defines the pinnacle of success.

My thoughts were more along the lines of @HoneysuckIejasmine that I wasn't taught that getting married was the peak achievement of my life.. It wasn’t something I gave much thought at all to until I actually had to plan a wedding.

TheClitterati · 27/04/2020 14:22

its not just in Friends though - this is a trope repeated over and over in films, stories throughout popular culture. I've certainly been hearing it all my life (I'm in 50's)

WyfOfBathe · 27/04/2020 14:23

I did. I was going to get married at St Paul's Cathedral Grin

I had whole notebooks filled with 'plans' for various things, though. Elaborate diagrams of the zoo and theme park I was going to run. Hand-drawn spreadsheets of the costs of running an animal shelter. Plans and packing lists for imaginary trips to Center Parcs, from looking at the activities in their brochure.

I wish I was as organised in my real life!

TreacherousPissFlap · 27/04/2020 14:24

Good lord no!
At the age of about 9 I was press ganged into being a bridesmaid for my bridezilla cousin. Among her more batshit decrees was the one where I was not allowed to wear a watch for a whole year prior to the wedding, lest tan lines show on the wedding photos.
I believe it to be about that point I decided never to get married Grin

Progress2019 · 27/04/2020 14:37

No. I’d only been to one that I remember as a child (although I think I was 13/14, so not young), and was one of the first of my friends to get married. I hadn’t given it a thought, apart from that the groom would probably be Morrissey.

My mum planned most of our wedding, beyond setting the dates. It made her happy, and i’m the only daughter, so it was fine with me.

Ive been married 23 years now, and don’t remember a thing about the wedding, and don’t recognise a lot of the faces in the photographs either where it was a huge wedding and cousins were allowed to bring girlfriends, and friends brought their current partners, who didn’t last long.

If I could go back in time, and it wouldn’t offend anyone, id have the tiniest wedding ever.

nevermorelenore · 27/04/2020 14:39

I did wear a net curtain on my head and often imagined getting married to Jason Donavon. But had no plans beyond that.

I'm always amazed that weddings get treated like massively complex events. Especially those in hotels or professional wedding venues. They take care of about 90% of it. You just need to pick some bloody centerpieces.

ChanklyBore · 27/04/2020 14:48

No, because I’m not a walking stereotype.

I had absolutely zero frame of reference for a wedding. I wasn’t invited to any as a child and most of the adults I knew were single or divorced. My Mum realised once that I didn’t have any experience of weddings so she took me to one (this involved walking in to the back of church when a wedding was happening, sitting down and watching it. The people getting married were strangers). She did not take my brothers, only me. I couldn’t hear what was going on or see very well. It was boring. I didn’t really understand why we went or what the whole thing was for. Then I started working as a teenager at a fancy restaurant that held wedding receptions, and my experience was being shouted at regularly by members of the wedding party who looked stressed to the max, and watching what seemed like a fuckton of faff to get perfect pictures, and people tramping round the grounds and gravelled drives hauling massive white dresses across the wet floors. I was a decent enough waitress and used to get lots of tips and a reasonable amount of respect on normal shifts, but wedding shifts were awful. Really long days, no one would tip, people were massively rude, anything that went wrong was blown out of all proportion, people would get really drunk, and they’d make three times the amount of mess.

I decided not to get married because it looked like a pointless circus full of rude people.

espoleta · 27/04/2020 14:50

Nope.
Got married last year and the only two 'must have's' were an open bar and that my dog could come...

FlamingoAndJohn · 27/04/2020 14:57

Nope.
I heard this trotted out on something the other day. I don’t think any of my friends planned it like that either.

I was reading an article about people who have had to cancel their weddings due to happen now. So many of them were in the £20k mark! I can’t ever imagine spending that much.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 27/04/2020 14:58

Nope, I wanted to be married but didn't want a wedding.

We went to Vegas and booked it all in advance online using drop down fields like 'do you want witnesses provided - yes or no'. It took about half an hour to plan, book and pay.