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Original poster

If you could tell your single friend why they're single...

182 replies

GetMeTheScissors · 22/04/2020 21:22

What would you say?

Built up the courage to ask and they all said 'you're great! You'll meet someone eventually!'

Which really wasn't constructive.

OP posts:
LittleAndOften · 22/04/2020 22:17

Friend 1. You've got to put yourself out there to meet someone. If you only see the same people you've known your whole life and only go to the same places, and won't do online dating, you won't meet anyone. Mr Right isnt going to fall from the sky into your lap.

Friend 2. There's nothing wrong with you. You have so much to offer. But if you keep taking jobs that involve jet setting around the world, you will find it hard to meet someone.

BlueJava · 22/04/2020 22:18

You are so mean! Splitting the bill 50/50 if you ate more or only paying for yours and not going halves if I ate slightly more is not attractive! Especially when you are by no means poor!

Original poster
GetMeTheScissors · 22/04/2020 22:19

Being single isn't a flipping affliction fgs

Bloody well feels like it at times :(

OP posts:
whereiscaroline · 22/04/2020 22:19

Because you tell yourself you always end up with the arseholes which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because you put too much stock into what men look like over their personality or interests when on dating apps.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 22/04/2020 22:22

I think of a coupled-up person I know who shares the same flaw/issue for pretty much every single thing that someone has listed as 'the reason' someone they know is single on this thread. If you needed to be perfect to find a partner humans would have died out a long time ago

Nostradamuswept · 22/04/2020 22:22

You’re an amazing person but you expect a relationship to be all sonnets, symphonies and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. In actual fact it’s listening to him fart in bed and arguing over who’s getting up with the kids.

Sometimes it’s wonderful and sometimes it’s absolutely shite, and that’s exactly how it’s meant to be.

chunkyrun · 22/04/2020 22:26

Other areas of your life need work. Realise how truly wonderful you are. Give yourself, your life and home the time and attention you deserve. Stop chasing men that don't value you.

HollowTalk · 22/04/2020 22:28

I understand where you're coming from, OP, but it does bring out the smug married in people. I wonder how those people would respond if someone asked them how they stayed married, since they'd let themselves go/were boring etc.

Mummyshark2018 · 22/04/2020 22:28

You're too fussy and never ever give a man a chance. You would rarely talk to a man if we were out for the night (friend single for 10 years- aged 38).

You want a male version of you and I don't think this exists (same friend).

Btw my friends is clever, funny, attractive, very good job, has owned own flat in london For 10 years etc. A very good catch imo! Tbf she has never asked why I think she's single and I've never brought it up.

donquixotedelamancha · 22/04/2020 22:29

Because she picks the wrong men.

Yep this for mine. 40 YO and I think she still sees anyone nice as boring.

On paper she should be beating blokes off with a stick (not that she would) but she never seems to want to put any effort in with anyone who isn't a sports car driving, arogant, manipulative man-child. Surprisingly it never lasts.

HollowTalk · 22/04/2020 22:29

But why shouldn't she want someone who's clever, funny, attractive and with a very good job? Why should she lower her standards?

donquixotedelamancha · 22/04/2020 22:35

why shouldn't she want someone who's clever, funny, attractive and with a very good job? Why should she lower her standards?

I think treating people like a check list of features is very different to having high standards. There are lots of lovely people out there but fixating on wealth or looks or first impressions means you are not connecting with someone as a person.

Of course different things are important to different people and you should want what you want; but if top of your list isn't kind, honest, decent etc then the problem is you not them.

OhioOhioOhio · 22/04/2020 22:43

Because your daughters a spoilt bitch and you indulge her.

LolaSmiles · 22/04/2020 22:44

Everyone has flaws including those in relationships the smugness of lots of these replies is crazy.
Nobody has said anyone is perfect. Of course everyone has flaws, but different flaws create different barriers.

I dislike the stress of meeting new people. If I were single now then loving my own company would probably be a reason I'd be single for a while. I'd not consider anyone smug for observing this fact.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/04/2020 22:44

My friends are a mixture of being loud, quiet, very chatting, stubborn, very opinionated, hilariously funny, a bit moody, passionate, loyal, beautiful, sexy, great cooks, not so great cooks, dreamy, blunt in their approach, demanding, very giving, sometimes needy, sometimes difficult, loyal, scatty, sometimes selfish

But thats who they are

They are all great on their own ways. They all have great points and not such great points. I don’t think any of them need to change to catch a man Hmm (neither do I)

LittleRa · 22/04/2020 22:47

I feel terrible and conflicted saying this and would never say it in real life but...

You’re a bit of a prude.

DeeCeeCherry · 22/04/2020 22:50

You don't go anywhere socially to meet anyone, it's unlikely prince charming will knock at your door & relying solely on OLD is the pits. It's ok to actively look for a man, you don't have to tell anyone just have a plan. Stop listening to our married friends who come round yours telling you how lucky you are to be single, and moaning about their husbands - note that they're not leaving their husbands nor do they invite you out anywhere.

SpaceCadet4000 · 22/04/2020 22:58

Because you see finding a man as the solution to some big problems in your life. They sense that and run as soon as things get serious.

Khione · 22/04/2020 23:26

Because you are sensible and have good taste.

You aren't going to settle for crap
You know that you are worth a strong equal relationship and that you haven't yet met the man that is worth you
That you know you will have a better life on your own than settling for the wrong man
That any unworthy men you meet, on some level, know that you won't put up with crap they would give you so they don't even try.
That I'm proud of you for not just settling for crap just to have a man (like I [in the past] and many others have done)

Josette77 · 22/04/2020 23:35

One friend because she never can't compromise. She never really grew up. It's her way or the highway. We met as teenagers for anorexia in hospital, and she never recovered. She has a good job, owns her own place, is hilarious, but it can be like walking on eggshells around her.

My other friend looks amazing on paper, and I adore her. She was widowed ten years ago and has an 11 year old amazing daughter. Unfortunately prior to her dh's death she had mental health struggles, and they became worse over the years. She has huge mood swings, and is very needy and demanding. Her marriage was often dramatic but her DH was so in love with her and very grounded. He was her calm in the storm. I don't think any one is able to replicate that for her. She has a good job, is gorgeous, and funny and kind. She needs a lot of patience though. If she got help with her emotional instability she'd be pretty much perfect.

Fawnandwren · 22/04/2020 23:40

My friend is attractive, ambitious and kind. She is also greedy, needy, competitive and jealous. The bad really overshadows the good and it is so sad because all she wants is to be with someone.

SinglePringle · 22/04/2020 23:52

Just in case any of you are my friend...

I BLOODY LOVE BEING SINGLE.

Only shouting to make myself heard above the patronising din.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 23/04/2020 00:34

Be realistic you don’t look like Jennifer Anniston so you are not going to get a Brad Pitt lookalike!

That with bells on, if you want Brad Pitt you better start looking like Angelina pronto. If you want someone who accepts you as you are, look at yourself in a mirror and start looking for someone in your league.

Oh and stop complaining about the weirdos in OLD, you are very weird yourself!

LittleRa · 23/04/2020 07:11

@SinglePringle That’s great, but it isn’t what this thread is about. The OP asked her friends for constructive feedback on why she’s still single. She obviously isn’t happy being single, unlike you, and does want some feedback on what might help her find a relationship.

TimeForChange123 · 23/04/2020 07:14

Quite a few people sound like they don't like their 'friend' at allHmm