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Original poster

Need don't perspective - bf has massively lied to me.

127 replies

LiesToAFool · 10/04/2020 23:17

Around 18m ago I met someone. I wasn't looking for a relationship but we became friends and over time our feelings for each other became more stronger. I wasn't ready to have a relationship and he backed off. Over time things organically progressed and we eventually are where we are today which is in a relationship but still taking things slow eg we haven't moved in together, he doesn't sleep over etc. We've been together around 4m so not long.

Around a month ago - just before the lockdown he told me that he wasn't who he claimed to be. He apparently lives in London and owns his own business. The house that he lives in is a rental which he has been living in since he met me. His job is obviously not what he told me. Even his fucking name isn't real. He's changed it slightly as to not be identifiable. Eg Alex Rider has been changed to Al Rishton.

At first I thought he was joking but it became clear he wasn't. My first reaction was disbelief and utter anger. Why would he do this. Apparently he was fed up of gold diggers and women just after a fun time and his money. He was looking for someone who took him for who he was and decided on a whim to live / commute from a random Northern town! So all these fucking months he's been pretending to be someone else! This has really messed with my head and I was very upset and told him to leave and Ive not spoken to him since.
The worst thing was I actually thought we could have a long term future as we get on so well and he is very kind and sweet. But now I don't fucking know if he really is!?!

He was extremely sorry for what he'd done and explained that one lie led to another and before he knew it he'd woven a massive web of lies. He completely regrets it all and wish he never did this and it was really stupid if not fucking weird!

I don't know what to do. Do I give him a chance? We get on so so well. He was lovely. I'm heart broken.

OP posts:
LittleLittleLittle · 10/04/2020 23:20

No don't give him a chance.

He started your relationship lying and you will now never know if anything happens whether he will be telling you the truth.

Also if you slept with him he's actually been raping you due to his deception.

Starlightstarbright1 · 10/04/2020 23:21

Tbh it would be a bye bye from me. He isn’t the man you fell for.

He lies very easily

slipperywhensparticus · 10/04/2020 23:21

Is he actually telling the truth now?

How will you ever trust him again

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Relationship problems
Original poster
LiesToAFool · 10/04/2020 23:24

Exactly. I don't know what the heck.is real anymore. He insisted that apart from name, jwork and where he's from everything else he's told me was true. The way he is with me etc is him..

OP posts:
BeUpStanding · 10/04/2020 23:27

Run for the hills. That is not normal or healthy behavior at all. Don't waste any more time on him

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/04/2020 23:29

That's so far from normal. I wouldn't bother with him. Everything you thought you had with him is a lie as well.

Original poster
LiesToAFool · 10/04/2020 23:31

I'm actually so glad for the lockdown as it's meant he hasn't been able to come down to see me. I'm presuming he's in London at the moment?!

OP posts:
Peakypolly · 10/04/2020 23:32

I think it sounds like the plot of a rom-com. Is he seriously loaded then? Rich/famous people will often say they aren’t sure if they would attract the same person if they were Joe Bloggs working at Pizza Hut and it makes them insecure about relationships.
You need him to fully inform you of the true situation immediately, no blurred facts. Then you can make your mind up.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2020 23:36

Give him a chance?

Are you fucking insane?!

Block him in every way possible and move on.

Falacy · 10/04/2020 23:37

Yeah I'm not one of those who would run for the hills.

In fact I've often thought of doing something like this when I'm daydreaming about a lottery win 😂

I mean, how could you ever be sure someone liked you for you, and not just for your wealth?

The same might apply if you were incredibly successful.

That said, 4 months is quite a long time for it to go on in normal circumstances. But then again, you said in your post you'd been taking it very slow - he hasn't spent the night yet etc.

Like a pp suggested I would need to know the whole story right now, and if I was going to accept it I'd want to go right back to the start. So if that means another 4 months of taking things slow while you build up the trust then he'd have to be okay with that.

Sharpkat · 10/04/2020 23:39

Oh god. This sounds like exactly the same thing that happened to me. Made up his name, his job and his entire life because he was "not interested in gold-diggers." It took 18 months for him to admit the truth to me. I had my suspicions all along and we saw each other infrequently as a result.

RUN FOR THE HILLS

LochJessMonster · 10/04/2020 23:42

How much money we taking Wink

How much of him was the real him? When he spoke about hobbies, likes/dislikes,his past, future plans, family etc was that all real? Because that’s the important stuff.

I might be able to get past this but we would have to have had a good 18m together and could see a future with him.

tiredanddangerous · 10/04/2020 23:43

That is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read on here. Run for the hills and don’t look back!

Sadie789 · 10/04/2020 23:43

Run for the hills.

Original poster
LiesToAFool · 10/04/2020 23:45

Sharpkat omg. Why were suspicious - what gave it away?! I've been totally fooled. I feel really stupid to have fallen for it.

I didn't suspect a thing. That's what's so difficult.it was so out of the blue.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 10/04/2020 23:47

Sounds as though he is trying to make himself out to be far more interesting / successful / important than he actually is.
Does he have low self esteem ?
I wouldn’t waste my time on him , though it could be entertaining to see what else he comes up with.
Bit of a Walter Mitty ?

dkanin · 10/04/2020 23:50

I'd run a mile if I were you OP. I can understand that a rich guy who has met a lot of gold diggers would be wary of potential partner's motives but this screams drama and trouble to me. I think you'd be likely to find that this is a guy who lies at the slightest sign of trouble to make his life easier and I don't think I'd be able to trust someone who'd even lied to me about their name

Viviennemary · 10/04/2020 23:54

He sounds nuts. I agree. Run.

dkanin · 10/04/2020 23:56

I'd also like to add - you said in the OP you'd met him 18 months ago, that's rather a long time for him to have been pretending to be someone else and it sounds like it goes a lot further than playing down being rich to potential dates, especially as you knew him so long before you started dating. I'm not sure I believe his explanation about being a rich successful man in disguise as mr average. I think he could be a bit of a fantasist. My friend had an experience with one of these and he came out with some real corkers about why he'd lied, including he was a spy, he was so rich and successful he was scared of gold diggers, he was "possessed," and my favourite - "the voices" told him to (he was just a regular guy living a double life behind his wife's back)

MashedSpud · 10/04/2020 23:57

Dirty John.

GabsAlot · 11/04/2020 00:00

Is his name prince akeem?

Qsandmore · 11/04/2020 00:00

That’s very very odd!!

Don’t agree with Little though. He hasn’t been bloody raping you, why do people throw that word in so easily Angry

ColdCottage · 11/04/2020 00:00

If he can tell the truth now and back it up I'd be open to exploring it.

If he really wanted people to like him for who he is and not what he has I can see where he is coming from.

Equally it could all be a load of tosh.

What does your gut tell you?

GabsAlot · 11/04/2020 00:01

Little thats very ott

Nancydrawn · 11/04/2020 00:02

I mean if he's Tom Hiddleston in a false mustache secretly pretending to be Tim Hunston or something, then fine.

Otherwise, I don't see how I could trust someone who had lied that significantly. If he has fame or a vast fortune or whatever, then I could understand the impulse (though possibly not forgive it, Hiddleston or not)--but my guess is that he's a moderately successful man with a really shitty opinion about women.

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