How do you get away from people who just wont stop talking at you?

[BlueSpotty]

An ex colleague of mine, who talks and talks, lives near me. I often see her around in local shops. I try to avoid her seeing me if I can but sometimes she catches sight of me first and makes a beeline for me. She then proceeds to talk at me for anything up to 90 minutes; lots of long 'stories' and she leans in really closely and keeps eye contact whilst she does it. It's really very hard to get away without interrupting her story!

Last week I bumped into her in Tesco and she talked at me for an hour. When I said I had to go she kept following me as I walked to the till, then stood talking to me while I paid and packed the food. I was starting to feel panicky and just wanted to get away.

There is also a grandfather who does the school run each day who does the same thing and talks at me for ages. Again I avoid him but don't always manage to and it's very hard to get away without being rude.

Oh and I've also somehow got lumbered with giving someone who goes to a class I go to a lift home each week after class and she literally won't get out of my car and sometimes talks for up to an hour, even though I keep saying I have to go!

How do you get away from people like this?

You’re too nice. Just look at your watch/phone and say ‘oh look at the time, I’ve got to run, see you soon!’ and dart off looking busy. Stop being waaaaaaay too polite to these people.

You have to become a ninja and jump behind the nearest aisle before they spot you

My parents have someone on their road like this. When we were younger we'd walk to the shops and see her in the distance. My parents would go FFS then have to chat to her for the next hour. Sometimes she would stop outside our house while my DM was gardening and chat her ear off. A few months ago I bumped into her in Sainsbury's and I couldn't get away despite trying to say my goodbyes and walk away several times. Besides running away I have no answer OP.

I don't know but I seem to attract them too. I've also now created my own in the form of dd who literally never stops talking, not even in her sleep, and can spend an hour talking about absolutely NOTHING of any consequence. It's exhausting.

I've got a friend like this. If she rings me it's half my afternoon gone. We went for a spa weekend, shared a twin room, and she was still talking at me at 4am! I could hear her in my sleep. I couldn't go into the lovely quiet steam therapy areas that had silence please notices up as she was incapable of shutting up for even a minute

That's crazy. You just have to be firm and clear. Say that you have to go and then go. There isn't a secret trick. You are allowing them to do this to you.

I agree, I am allowing it to happen!

Any tips on how to get the woman out of my car after giving a lift to her? I can't not give her a lift as she lives on my way home and I don't want to give up the class.

“Can’t stop...catch up soon!” Then scarper. For car lodger just seep our deadly farts for the entire journey, she’ll leap from the car as soon as you reach her house.

Hi OP,

This happens to me too! I am so worried about people thinking i'm rude (which i'm not!) I usually end up stood there listening until they run out of steam eventually however long it takes!

With the car lift woman, do you have a partner or someone who could call you at a preagreed time or slyly text them to call you and you can pretend they are hurrying you home?!
Or an elderly relative you 'must' help with their medication at a set time because they are forgetful?!
Once being talked at becomes too much to handle I always try and think of some plausible excuse to get away!

Good luck OP, I feel your pain!

The thing is, even when I tell her I'm in a hurry or I've got to be home for x,y or z, she just carries on talking. Last night it took 45 minutes for her to get out of my car even though I said repeatedly I had to get home.

I'm passive. I had an estate agent come to value the house. They talked at me for 2 1/2 hours, I had to get the dinner ready but they were on a monologue. I felt like crying when they left.

I went to work and told my boss who said "they don't value your time. You are unimportant" It shocked me then I got angry.

Now I take that comment and when someone talks at me, I wrap up the conversation by carrying on doing my thing saying "did they! Really- must get going now" over them, repeat and shout louder, shut the door in their face and drive off.

Remember they are disrespecting you. When they are yapping imagine they are saying "you're an A hole" then it's easier to be curt and leave.

'Well, I'm off then' and start the car engine.
'Sorry, I cant chat right now, I need to get home. Bye' and walk away. If she keeps chatting, smile then say 'bye' again. After that if she keeps talking, dont respond. Or stick some earphones in your ears. Always have earphones at the ready.

Tell the car lift woman that you're not going straight home and can't give her a lift.

Don't switch your engine off, say "bye then, I must get on" when you stop the car at her house.

Say "I'll need to stop you there, I have to get home now" if anyone is talking at you.

Realise that none of these people live in bubbles, they'll be used to other people cutting them off and scarpering. You can too.

Blue Spotty, you say "I have to go now" and then YOU get out of the car and stand there until she gets out. When she gets out of the car too, if she tries to talk to you, then you repeat, "I have to go now", get back into the car and drive off.

You aren't being rude if you've told them twice you have to go and they still continue yacking. They are.

Any tips on how to get the woman out of my car after giving a lift to her? I can't not give her a lift as she lives on my way home and I don't want to give up the class

Just tell her you can't chat and will
She get out the car. Keep repeating it and mean it! Have a deadpan voice and raise your voice a little if you need.

Don't be embarrassed and don't apologise.

It might help if you speak to her before you get to your destination and let her know that you can't chat and that she has to get out the car and leave promptly.

I'm not a rude person but this type
of thing wouldn't phase me at all. I think
people who talk AT you are the ones who are being rude so I'm not overly worried if I refuse to sit their listening to them.

There* not their

Just talk more than them. Don't let them get a word in. "Oh hi, how are you? I like your scarf. Where's it from? No, don't tell me. Is it from that new shop that's just opened on the high street? I've heard it's lovely in there, but a bit pricy. Anyway must dash I'm running late. But we must catch up soon. You can tell me all about your new job. Have a lovely day. Bye now" then disappear at a quick pace into the ether with flames at your heals.

Or failing that, look at your phone and say "family emergency, got to shoot"

I usually just interrupt them and say "well I won't keep you you must have lots to do" and walk away. I think with the car person you can just get out of the car and make a phone call. Say very loudly "I'll be home in x min." Then if they haven't got out yet go around and open their door and ask if they want a hand. Just say "I'm expected home shortly see you at class."

I always think it is a sign of loneliness.

Do you like any of these people who talk at you - I'm guessing probably not. So they don't have the social awareness to know when to shut the fuck up. So you have to be firm, firm, firm with them. I know someone who does this and in the many hours I have been talked at, I noticed something about her pattern of speech - she didn't take breath in the normal points, eg the end of sentences, but in the middle. But she would run one sentence into the next without a breath. So any slight pauses were in the wrong place to anticipate. So you have to interrupt - pure and simple.
Lady you give a lift too: assuming you have her mobile no - send her a text on class day: OK for a lift this evening, but I have to get home early and wont have time to stop, so I'll slow down by your house so you can jump out. Haha - only joking, but seriously no time for chat this evening.
When you pick her up - check she received the text and repeat - I have to drop you quickly and get home early tonight. On the way home - stop the car and say -time to go, got to get home early. You'll have to finish your story another time. Keep quietly talking over her, no need to raise your voice. If she keeps going, get out of the car, go around to the passenger door, open it and hand her out, close the door, walk back to your door get in and drive off.
Ex colleague - similar idea. If you're walking along don't stop - keep moving, don't slow down. If your trapped in a shop - keep shopping -if she gets in your way, ask her to move so you can reach the potatoes, don't wait for a pause in the speech, there won't be one. Speak softly and continuously over her. If your still trapped after 5 mins, say again quietly - did you know you have been speaking continuously at me for 5 minutes? Please stop now - I have to get on. Goodbye. turn your back and go.

You have my full permission if these gentle approaches don't work (and I can't guarantee they will) to explode just the once "For the love of all that is holy - do you ever stop talking ? Just shut up now" - again speaking quietly. The point about speaking softly is that through their totally self centred wittering, they will be seeing your lips move and eventually they will wonder what the hell is Blue saying and they will be tempted to listen, maybe not for long, but could give you an 'In'. It also help you stay calm and in control. Don't think of this as confrontational - it isn't. You are taking control of your precious time.
Good luck.

For car woman, when you get to her house, get out of the car and open her door for her, whilst standing such that the door is between you. She will be forced to get out too if she wants to talk to you, at which point you leap back in and drive off with a cheery wave!

I always think it is a sign of loneliness

I think it's a cause of loneliness.

I knew someone like that..ex colleague and stayed in touch..awful woman ...3 hour monologues on the phone..I would just say battery is going and hang up !!..I have since blocked her and ignore emails etc , never reply..she even came to house a few times and shoved notes through explaining my phone seems to be broken etc...no..I blocked you...!!.. really have to be firm with these people and just ignore them and walk away...even if they are still in full flow as the one I knew...

@Flagg

yes, you might be right there

They are being rude so why does it matter if you're firm with them? You need to value yourself a bit more and be way more firm.