How do you get away from people who just wont stop talking at you?

[BlueSpotty]

An ex colleague of mine, who talks and talks, lives near me. I often see her around in local shops. I try to avoid her seeing me if I can but sometimes she catches sight of me first and makes a beeline for me. She then proceeds to talk at me for anything up to 90 minutes; lots of long 'stories' and she leans in really closely and keeps eye contact whilst she does it. It's really very hard to get away without interrupting her story!

Last week I bumped into her in Tesco and she talked at me for an hour. When I said I had to go she kept following me as I walked to the till, then stood talking to me while I paid and packed the food. I was starting to feel panicky and just wanted to get away.

There is also a grandfather who does the school run each day who does the same thing and talks at me for ages. Again I avoid him but don't always manage to and it's very hard to get away without being rude.

Oh and I've also somehow got lumbered with giving someone who goes to a class I go to a lift home each week after class and she literally won't get out of my car and sometimes talks for up to an hour, even though I keep saying I have to go!

How do you get away from people like this?

So I will send her a text and say I won't be able to give her anymore lifts. Not even sure I'll give an excuse/reason tbh

Good plan OP. There is no need to give a reason. I think it's better not to.

I have seen people like this (the talkies) described on MN as being 'set to broadcast' which is a brilliant phrase, I'm sorry I can't remember who came up with it now!

I have a friend who has these tendencies, but not all the time thankfully. I think for the listener it's the frustration of not being heard yourself, or the lack of interest in the listener - you are just there to be the audience. Also, if they are a bit of a negative nelly, you can come away feeling really drained!

OP, when you send that text I doubt anyone will think you are the bad guy, she may complain but then she'll just move on to the next victim .... do it!

You will probably have to have a break from your class for a while anyway. Everything non-essential is being shut down here in Ireland for at least a few weeks and it probably won't be that long before the same happens in the UK. So she can complain and fume for a week or two, then there will be a bit of a break and she'll be over it and on to her next victim when the class resumes.

@Notredamn - I am concerned about you being held captive by your nuisance neighbour!
Our way of living a quiet life in our own home is by having a cctv camera covering the front door. As soon as the doorbell rings we can check who it is and then make a decision whether to open the door or not! It's brilliant and in frequent use in our house!
Cctv cameras are so much cheaper these days, it's worth considering.
Please don't let your neighbour keep doing this to you, it's often because they lead an unfulfilling life but that doesn't mean they should drain all your energy and make your life a misery.

OP you have definitely done the right thing in texting this person and putting a stop to the lifts. I hope it all blows over soon and you can start enjoying your classes again and regain control over your precious time.

Well done OP. Has she replied yet?

Thank you Happy I'm considering it, or one of those video ring doorbells.
The problem is we usually know it's her as she bangs loudly on the door most days, but one of the children will run off and answer! I've told them to ignore it now.
She can be bloody persistent and keep coming back but enough is enough now and I'm just blanking unless I'm expecting a delivery or something.

Notredamn you can open the door ask her what she wants, tell her it is a bad time then close the door on her. All while she is talking if necessary. That will bring the monologue visits to a close more quickly

We had this once with the parent of my DD's best friend. He used to drop his child off, come in for coffee and stay two hours.

Once I was so angry because he said something very patronising about me 'helping' my husband out with his business. I was furious because it was my business, but there was just no gap for me to correct him.

Eventually we got wise and didn't invite him in and fairly soon after that the girls had a big falling out and I'm happy to say we've never seen him again

I have a colleague like this. OMG. This week I kept saying i had to leave in order to collect my child and in the end I literally walked out the door while she was in mid-flow. She was talking about the coronavirus.

Yesterday I had to walk out again while she was mid-flow because I had a train to catch. I had gone into the office to get my coat and had said 'bye'. 26 minutes later (with me saying ;i have to get my train0 I just walked out.

I do not like it, but I literally had to be in other places, and she was wittering about when her now adult child had the flu when he was 3.

This is the same colleague who when i was on the phone talking to a very difficult client who was shouting at me wandered over, shoved her phone in my face and said 'look at this picture of a swan i took'.

I genuinely do not know how someone can be so oblivious to their surroundings and their imapct on people.

In terms of 'monologue' i think someone somewhere has told my colleague she goes on and on and never asks about others because then she will throw in questions to you that seemingly on the face of it sort of sounds like she is trying to have a two-way conversation.

This week after blathering on it was a sudden; 'have YOU ever been to Butlins in Bognor Regis in october where it only rained the whole time and you could not get a partial refund'?

Um. No.

@Notradamn
Have you thought about a door chain? You can answer but the door only opens 10cm so too small for someone to come in.

Oh I'd never let her in, I'm not that soft.
As for asking her what she wants: usually the rambling story (can you tell I'm out of patience) brings itself round to asking for money. So I don't really want to ask as it's beyond awkward now!

Well done, OP - you really need to keep this person out of your car and out of your life. She sounds unhinged!

Quite apart from the monologues and the suicide threats (!!!) there is the massive question of why she signed up for a class in the first place if she can't get herself there and back! Does she just think it's everyone else's job to be her chauffeur?

Yes, I honestly think she believes everyone should be her chauffeur. She lives within walking distance of the class, it would take her around an hour each way but definitely do-able if necessary.

Thanks everyone for the support and replies 👍🏻