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Original poster

Is 40 (me) and 46 (him) too old to have another baby?

107 replies

Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 09:49

We have a DC already and I wonder if we’re too old now for another...

Anyone done this with mother in 40s and father in mid-to-late 40s?

I’m mostly thinking of health risks. We’re both really “young” for our ages.

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 22/02/2020 09:53

I know lots of people who have had babies around this age, including my SIL and BIL. Make sure you are well informed about the increased risks to your own and the baby's health though. And the increased chance of twins!

LilyJade · 22/02/2020 10:10

My best friend is 44 & has a lovely daughter just turned 5!

I know a few women had babies in their 40s.

One of my colleagues married & had 2 kids in her 20s then divorced.
At 40 she converted to Islam, met & married a fellow convert & has since had 2 healthy babies, actually the second baby was born 9 months after the first! (A surprise baby).
The only problems they have are financial unfortunately.

TheNoiseHurts · 22/02/2020 10:12

No I don't think it's too old.

I'm 37 and if DH didn't have the snip and we had a ton of money, I'd prob have another one.

But after 40 I probably wouldn't.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
BorneoBabe · 22/02/2020 10:21

It's very common. Only on Mumsnet do I see people agonising about having a baby past the age of 35. Most of my co-workers are having their firsts and seconds well into their forties.

Original poster
Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 10:27

This is reassuring! It’s more my DH’s age I’m worried about than mine. Both for the baby’s health reasons (have read stuff about male sperm decline) and his own survival on lack of sleep Confused

OP posts:
Glendora · 22/02/2020 10:28

DH was 44 and I was 39 (v nearly 40) when dc2 was born. They are 4.5 now and we seem to have survived (and pregnancy/ birth was straightforward with no complications).

A friend of mine has just had her 2nd in her mid-40s.

zsazsajuju · 22/02/2020 10:28

No it’s fine

SalmonOfKnowledge · 22/02/2020 10:29

I wouldn't because it doesn't matter if you're YOUNG for your ages, you both still only get the same amount of time from each year left.

Just enjoy your life! Things must be getting easier.

As you go in to your forties you'll be out of sync with your tribe if you have a baby now, you'll still be the mother of a primary school child at 50.

I think hormonal changes kick in at nearly 50. I have felt very strong feelings of I"M DONE kick in lately and unfortunately I'm NOT done. At 49 my kids are 13 and 16.

I felt very differently in my early forties. Immortal, invincible. Still identifying with motherhood and that phase of my life.

A lot of my mindsets have changed in the last decade, in a way I couldn't have foreseen in my early forties.

I'm SO READY to enjoy my 50s now, as a free woman. And so I very glad that my kids aren't even younger. Where my hormones are telling me I should be, I'm not there yet in real life due to responsibilities.

This is nothing to do with my relationship with my DC

notacooldad · 22/02/2020 10:31

Personally I think so.
I dont know anyone who has had a child over 40 either through work ( a large company), school parents or mine or DHS social circle.
Obviously it happens but I think it's old. To be honest I was perceived as an old parent at 34!

MinnieMountain · 22/02/2020 10:32

I'd say it mainly depends on the age gap with the DC you have already and how it would affect them.

40 was my personal cut off.

VisionQuest · 22/02/2020 10:33

I know a few people in this age bracket who've had their second child.

Personally it wouldn't be for me. I had my first (and only) at 32 and motherhood has aged me dreadfully. I cannot cope with disturbed sleep and just feel generally knackered all the time. I also like the fact that I'll be 50 by the time my child is 18. I definitely wouldn't want to be well into my 60s by the time they hit adulthood.

However, that's just me! You probably feel completely differently so if it feels right for you both, then why not.

yellowallpaper · 22/02/2020 10:35

I wanted it all over with by 30 and DD was born a month before that birthday. Sterilised and happy with my decision, never wanted more and certainly not as an older mum. My mother was &0 when I was born and 45 when Dsis born, and it was always embarrassing how much older she was than other mums. Also bloody hard work for her with 4 DCs

Fairenuff · 22/02/2020 10:36

I wouldn't want a baby at 46. I would want my life back. I would also like to be able to retire before I died.

yellowallpaper · 22/02/2020 10:36

DD not an only child a it looks, had others before her

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/02/2020 10:37

I had my last at 39 and at least a quarter of his school friends mothers are older than me. The fathers are older. It is more tiring being an older parent but one has other skills . I wouldn't let your ages put you off. In actual fact before effective contraception was easily available lots of women had children in their 40s ; often ,of course ,number 8 or 9 poor things.

SoloMummy · 22/02/2020 10:39

Of course you could ttc again. But that means accepting that the risk of multiples, trisomy, miscarriage upwards from 50% according to some stats and stillbirth are all Higher than when you had your first.

peanutbuttermarmite · 22/02/2020 10:40

if you're thinking about the health risks, you need to do research on them and take a view about what you'd be willing to do at various stages. None of us can help you with that as everyone's attitude to risk and choices is different, it's personal - I know people (many) who've had kids in their 40s and it's been ok for everyone, and I know some that have had additional needs, it's a risk at any age, it's a higher risk in your 40s and you need to think it through.

Elouera · 22/02/2020 10:41

We are similar ages (i'm slightly older!) and still TTC our 1st baby after over 9yrs TTC. I start IVF in a few weeks.

SouthernComforts · 22/02/2020 10:46

I wouldn't. But I was at the other extreme age wise and people have strong feelings about that too. If you genuinely see no downside to parenting until retirement then go for it. Each to their own!

SalmonOfKnowledge · 22/02/2020 10:46

I get the impression you just want to hear ''yes go for it!''
But think about these issues

Will you be able to keep working? Will you be able to retire? Have you stepped out of the workplace? Is having a baby now a way to avoid the fear of getting back in to the workplace? If that's not the case for you and you work, if you have a secure job, would you have to postpone your retirement in order to avoid retiring with a very poor pension? If your job is not secure, can you imagine job hunting in your early fifties, unable even to offer up the freedom to work without worrying about childcare!! If you lost your job, do you think you could find work again as the mother of two small kids in our mid 40s?

Will your husband do 50% of the childcare / organising childcare? Or, as the higher earner does he make all the decisions?

If he decided to bail on you when you were 47 with a 6 year old, would you be able to get through that?

I know my questions are coloured by the fact that i did motherhood alone and it was very very hard doing it on my own but at least when my children were tiny I was in my 30s so I always had hope, I visualised going out and grabbing life back in my forties.

AConvivialHost · 22/02/2020 10:47

I was 43 when I hadmy youngest, my DH was 50. Fortunately

pollysproggle · 22/02/2020 10:49

No I wouldn't, I think it's too old especially your husband. Even if you fall pregnant straight away he'll be 70 when your child is 24 and even older the longer it takes you to conceive.

AConvivialHost · 22/02/2020 10:52

Doh - posted too soon...

Fortunately this one is a good sleeper, otherwise I think we would have struggled. We're a bit more tired this time around, although we seem to have more patience.

I would say go for it, but resign yourself to having kids at home into retirement. I think it's also important to have a good support system around you, just in case anything were to happen to you/your DH.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 22/02/2020 10:54

I think it’s too old personally...but I also am from the other extreme end of the age bracket and I had 4 by the time I was 27. I’m 34 now and can’t imagine having to do the baby years again.

Itwasntme1 · 22/02/2020 10:55

I would pause at your husbands age. He will be 47or 48 when the baby is born, so will turn 60 when the child hits his or her teenage years.

There is of course greater risk that either you or your husband won’t have perfect health throughout this new baby’s childhood. I think your age is fine, but those few extra years for your husband can make a difference.

But, these are all things you are thinking through. Best of luck with whatever you decide😊💐