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Original poster

Is 40 (me) and 46 (him) too old to have another baby?

107 replies

Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 09:49

We have a DC already and I wonder if we’re too old now for another...

Anyone done this with mother in 40s and father in mid-to-late 40s?

I’m mostly thinking of health risks. We’re both really “young” for our ages.

OP posts:
EdgeWithNoReason · 22/02/2020 13:03

Do whatever you want!

Personally, it would be an absolute mistake to have a child at that age. I'm now 48 and have a 31 and 20 yr old DC. I have had my own life back for 5 odd years and nothing would convince me to go back to the baby days.

Mammyloveswine · 22/02/2020 13:13

I'm 32 and would like a third but not until around 36 as I'm enjoying getting my career back on track and looking to move!

A close friend just had her second at 43, her hubby is 53!

SlayB · 22/02/2020 13:31

Sometimes it is not a choice when you have infertility problems you start younger but, then a whole lot of shit happens in the following years miscarriages stillborn so when you fall pregnant at 40 you want to keep it in my case I did.

Get checked and see how your fertility checks out then give your husband loads of fruit smoothies ! I watched it on programme a fertility diet as he needs to be in good health too.

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MarchDaffs · 22/02/2020 13:50

I think 46 is too old.

Oldraver · 22/02/2020 13:54

I was nearly 41 and OH nearly 46..It's fine but there are a few OMG were nearing 60 and have a teen still

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 22/02/2020 13:56

Try 44 and 53. My 4th, DH's 1st.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 22/02/2020 13:57

I had my last age 44 and DH was 49. We're very stable financially band have planned for our future. We don't feel too old.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/02/2020 13:58

I think 40 is ok, I am less sure about 46. He would be 67 by the time they finish uni so if be worried about financially supporting them as you move into retirement. It's not insurmountable I suppose.

Yellredder · 22/02/2020 14:03

Not too old at all. Amused by the comment about being the parent of a primary school child when you're 50!!

Octopus37 · 22/02/2020 14:03

Salmon I can so relate to that feeling of being done. I am 45, my boys are nearly 13 and 10, I am enjoying them becoming more independent. Think it is probably hormone related as my periods have just started to get irregular

MapMyMum · 22/02/2020 14:05

I would say consider the ages of your other children and whether you have thought about the new challenges they bring as they get older, because the lack of sleep with babies and toddlers is really nothing compared to having teenagers, and the teen years last a lot longer too. If you're worried about lack of sleep now then seriously consider not doing it, no matter what your ages are. Personally I wouldnt want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights unless I really had a huge biological pull to have more and I knew I was capable in all other ways (finances, physical ability, ability to cope with tantrums both toddler and teen etc)

Original poster
Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 14:34

Lots of interesting food for thought here!

While we are financially stable and live somewhere where being an older parent isn’t unusual (London), I have no idea what being a parent of a teen is like, and if that’ll be tougher when we’re older.

My pull to have another child is very emotional. I don’t feel “done” and I’d like a sibling for DC (who also asks for a sibling). But I do worry about going back to the sleepless nights again. There wasn’t a better time when I was younger, but I sort of wish there had been!

The increased risk of having a child with special needs worries me a LOT. To be honest, that’s the thing that has stopped me so far!

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 22/02/2020 15:00

Big decision, personally I don’t think you ever lose that broody feeling , I know I never have. You also forget how demanding caring for a baby/toddler is. Good luck OP, wishing you all the best with your decision.

peanutbuttermarmite · 22/02/2020 15:04

I never had a feeling I was done either, and I feel a bit of a pull when I see a baby but the rational side of my mind has completely ruled out another. Having babies is an urge, it’s not always in anybody’s rational best interests.

MrsJBaptiste · 22/02/2020 15:45

Too old for me, I wouldn't want to have been doing the school run st 50 or have teenagers at home when I'm early 60s.

StinkyWizleteets · 22/02/2020 15:48

No.

Cookit · 22/02/2020 16:18

How old is your DC?

Because if they’re young I don’t really see what has changed from when you had them? - as in, yes you’ll be older parents but you were older parents when you had your first and what difference is 2 or 3 years really going to make?

Of course the risks are higher and the chances you will struggle to conceive are a bit higher but if you go into it accepting this I don’t see the issue.

movinggoalposts · 22/02/2020 16:39

Go for whatever makes you happy but make sure both of you have good critical illness/life cover so money isn’t a worry should anything go awry (I had cancer in my 30s so I’m not being ageist!)

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 22/02/2020 16:45

It would be a no for me. Too much risk.

pollysproggle · 22/02/2020 16:48

*So?
*
Well being 24 with a 70 year old parent won't be easy. You're likely to lose your parents while still young yourself and if your children have children they either won't have grandparents for long or won't have grandparents at all.

I think seeing your children grow up goes beyond them flying the nest.

ritatherockfairy · 22/02/2020 18:24

I’m the mid-50s mum on the (primary) school run. Fortunately where we live I’m not on my own but there’s not many of us. With hindsight I think 40 is ok but 45 too old. Financially it has been a struggle as DH was made redundant soon after we had our second and hasn’t really had a stable income since (job hunting in your 50s is soul destroying). We went from financial stability (checking out private schools, major house renovations) to early retirement, relocation and downsizing in a matter of a few years. I think you can still feel invincible in your 40s, but your 50s is when reality hits. I’d be thinking long and hard about the potential pitfalls.

RainMinusBow · 22/02/2020 18:31

I'm currently 26 weeks' pregnant with my third, she will be my fiancé's first (and last - we can't afford any more!!) My boys are almost 10 and 12.

I'm 39 and my fiancé is 44.

With my second I only worked very pt, but due to finances being very different this time I'm having to work ft until 38 weeks. Good thing is I don't have a toddler to care for too this time around.

I'm knackered but have no regrets!

OhCaptain · 22/02/2020 18:33

I completely understand the feeling of not being done. I only ever wanted two but didn't feel done until after my third child!

The thing is you'll have lots of opinions on one side or the other but really this isn't something that can be decided based on anecdotes on a chat forum!

It would be too old for me but that's not to say it will be for you. My mother and father were early 40s when my younger dsis was born and tbh she sort of resents it. She feels like she couldn't have "proper" late teens and early 20s because she felt like she had to take care of her parents who were starting to get on a bit.

And having "old" parents wasn't fun for her at graduation etc. But it does seem to be more common nowadays!

mypoorfurbaby · 22/02/2020 18:39

My parents had me at that age.

I felt they were too old when I was a teen, they felt a lot older than my friends parents.
I was horribly aware of their mortality but Dad lives to 80 and mum is still going strong.

If you are fit and well then it isn't that old now a days

Cauliflowerpower · 22/02/2020 19:00

Ha I was 41 when I had my twins! Its brilliant