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Original poster

Is 40 (me) and 46 (him) too old to have another baby?

107 replies

Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 09:49

We have a DC already and I wonder if we’re too old now for another...

Anyone done this with mother in 40s and father in mid-to-late 40s?

I’m mostly thinking of health risks. We’re both really “young” for our ages.

OP posts:
Meruem · 22/02/2020 10:58

It’s only on MN that I see so many people talk about having babies over 40. In RL I don’t know one person who had a baby at that age. I think the oldest was 39. And I have moved around a lot, worked in large places with very diverse groups of people etc. I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” about having a baby in your 40s but I think MN gives the impression you can fall pregnant easily and it will all be a breeze, and I personally think that’s the wrong impression to give. Your chance of miscarriage is much higher, my friend who had one at 39 then suffered 6 miscarriages trying to have a second before she gave up entirely. It nearly destroyed her. Then all the additional health risks. It isn’t just about are you too old to be parents again. It’s whether you could cope with one of the many things that could go wrong, or months of trying and it just not happening.

Megan2018 · 22/02/2020 10:59

We’ve just had our first at 41 and46-conceived easily, great pregnancy and birth so I say it’s fine!

yesyesdear · 22/02/2020 11:03

I recently had my second dc at 41, nearly 42. Healthy and happy!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
cloudjumper · 22/02/2020 11:17

I had DS at 39 and DD just before I turned 44. It's really not a problem at all! And there are loads of people who have children in their forties, contrary on what people here say Hmm

waltzingparrot · 22/02/2020 11:17

I was 41, DH was 44 when we had our youngest. DS is now 16 and there's a couple of things showing now. He's really embarrassed that his dad is 60 when all his mates' dads are in their late 30s/40s. Consequently, none of his friends come to our house, (lest we actually be seen 😂). Secondly, the kids are only up for activity holidays now (tbh, we'd exhaust ourselves trying to shove ourselves into the wetsuits) I know we wouldn't have to do the activities but we don't really want to holiday around beach/activity bars - we are more villa, pool and a leisurely walk into town for a meal types. The age gap is showing in these two respects. However, we all still love each other and have fun family times.

crimsonlake · 22/02/2020 11:39

I would not, thinking ahead to the future would put me off not the here and now. Right now now I am sure you both feel young and healthy, but you could be nearing your 60's when that child is a late teen and whilst that is not old these days I do not think it is fair on the child.

Gadgnkk · 22/02/2020 11:42

I’m 41 and hell would freeze over before I had another baby! But that’s just my opinion and you should go with what suits you. Your age is more relevant as it’s you carrying the baby.

EmotionalEllie · 22/02/2020 11:45

Whereabouts in the country do you live? In my area there are loads of people having kids in their forties and nobody bats an eyelid. My eldest is now at school and obviously I don't know the ages of all the parents but I think some of the dads are in their fifties.

GaraMedouar · 22/02/2020 11:49

I was 42 when I had my third, and exP was 46. It’s all good. Most of the mothers in my postnatal group were around my age, the young mum felt the odd one out! Although I’m now a single mum, feel old now (at 50) but have to carry in working until at least 60, if not older to support DD at school/ possibly univ (as no maintenance whatsoever from exP!) - but the good outweighs everything- I still feel blessed Smile

Seventyone72seventy3 · 22/02/2020 11:53

My husband was that age when we had our last child ten years ago. I was slightly younger than you. It has been fine.

Lweji · 22/02/2020 11:56

I know of someone who's recently had a baby at 48, although by accident.

At 40, I'd have had another child. At 45 I couldn't imagine spending nights awake.

If you want to and feel that you'd be able to cope, go ahead.

Lweji · 22/02/2020 11:59

Even if you fall pregnant straight away he'll be 70 when your child is 24

So?

SalmonOfKnowledge · 22/02/2020 12:02

@Meruem I think this would be discussed on other fora as well, I know it is a subject endlessly discussed on an irish forum i used to post on. People won't want to be too openly verbal in their concerns about finances and health in real life. And the people you run the question past aren't going to chime forth with ''But what if your husband meets a younger woman at work and leaves you with young kids at fifty?'' because that would be SO rude. But a lot of marriages don't survive the man feeling at the peak of his career at work & the woman feeling less valued by society (although, possibly, internally, feeling more valuable than ever as her own person). So obviously things will be said more frankly on a forum like this than in real life. In real life people are always going to say ''Do what you feel is right for you!''. Nobody is going to say anything too thought provoking.

TriSkiRun99 · 22/02/2020 12:05

My brother had his first child aged 50 with his partner and 2nd aged 52. The advantage is he’s very financially stable can work part time and loves being able to do the school run, take extended time off in the holidays, runs an after school club as he runs his own business etc so has the time to be a lot more hands on than he ever would have been in his 30s when setting up his business. I think if you are financially stable that makes a big difference as you will be hitting retirement age when you have kids that may need more £s for life? So he is more time rich and loves his kid’s dearly, and they keep him young.

firsttimemomx · 22/02/2020 12:08

I wouldn't, more because I'll be 21 when my son is born and will be planning to have our second (and more than likely our last) by 25. So when I'm 40 I want to be enjoying my life for myself rather than having new babies! But I think if I started having children at 30+ it wouldn't of been off the cards Smile

Housewife2010 · 22/02/2020 12:19

I had my children at 37 and 39. I was lucky to conceive quickly and have had very easy pregnancies. I have several friends who have had babies in their forties. I am now 50, my son is still in primary school and I don't feel I stand out there - there are other mothers of a similar age or older than me.If you definitely want another baby, go ahead and good luck. But hurry up.

fallfallfall · 22/02/2020 12:24

Despite feeling young and healthy, your ovum and sperm are not; increased risk of downs and autism would worry me.

Emeeno1 · 22/02/2020 12:26

We had children at 40 and 42 with no problems and certainly no regrets.Our life now is immeasurably richer and happier.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/02/2020 12:28

25 when I had my first
39 when I had my youngest and I have two in-between .

It was fine OP but I did feel a bit "old" when it came to school . I wasn't old in my head , lol , but among the younger Mums (the 25 to 30 bracket as I had been with my first two) I need feel a bit of a dinosaur at times but that was my issue . Grin

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/02/2020 12:29

Did not need

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/02/2020 12:30

Oh yes . Just saw @fallfallfall post

With my youngest child I had a scan and the nuchal fold ? was thick so I had to have an amnio . Was all fine and they told me it was definitely (another) boy.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 22/02/2020 12:34

One positive is you will be dying as they need to buy a house ! Seriously I’ve just had babies at 45 (twins !) I intend to be hale and hearty for long time

The downs and Edwards blood test test is nearly 100% and is done early

witherwings · 22/02/2020 12:45

I have friends who as a couple had a baby at exactly these ages. All fine, happy and healthy.
2 different friends have just had babies aged 42 and 43. Their partners are similar ages.
It's not too late if you have the energy.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/02/2020 12:51

You need to think about finances later in life and helping with university etc

TeddyIsaHe · 22/02/2020 12:55

Why do you want another baby? What will this child bring to your dc’s lives that they don’t already have? Less time with their parents? Less money to go around? Their parents being absolutely shattered for another 5 years?

If you already have children I don’t see any positives. And paternal age is a big factor in the health of the unborn baby. Could your family cope with a severely disabled or high needs child?