Caroline Flack found dead

[LittleScottish]

Poor, poor woman...

I meant that heteronormative social mores accept an elder male/younger female dynamic more readily. The worst you get is the term trophy wife or mail order bride when it comes to an older straight male consorting with a woman young enough to be his daughter.
I am generalising though as I am trying to think of male straight single primetime presenters and struggling (Dermot and Dec are both married). Chris Evans maybe ruffled a few feathers when he married Billie Piper but not sure he had as much negative publicity along the lines of cradle snatching?

And yet people are still insinuating and saying unkind things.

Leave the poor woman alone for her family's sake.

Which Harry?

A 31 year old going out with a 17 year old isn't peadophile territory but dear God I would be very unhappy if a woman that much older was seeing my 17 year old ds and I know his father would be furious. I didn't realise she often had relationships with younger men.

YouCanNever The age gap between Evans and Piper was slightly larger than between Flack and Styles. Facebook and Twitter weren't a thing back in 2001; if they had, I suspect he'd have been crucified. I remember it was a very big talking point at the time and certainly most people I knew were very negatively vocal about it.

What are you talking about? Evans and Piper were all over the gutter press at the time and I’m sure I remember Evans had a melt down. You appears to have a very selective memory. And as others posted social media want a thing then. No doubt their relationship would have be picked over by millions had it been.

In what way is raking over the age gap in her relationships relevant to anything?

It's relevant because a large age gap very often correlates to an imbalance of power in a relationship and the potential to manipulate /abuse. It's a relationship, not a given, but it's a pattern to watch out for when getting involved with a new partner.

Seems v distasteful to me in these circumstances.

I think I'd find it pretty distasteful too if a 31 year old was seeing my 17 year old. The imbalance of power is relevent as Barbie mentioned.

People would be singing a very different tune if she hadn't been pretty and petite.

I can see the point that's being explored. Which is, for example, if you have a potential to be abusive and controlling in relationships, possibly due to mental health issues, rather than anything else, say, suffering from insecurity, jealousy, paranoia etc, then predominantly having relationships with much younger partners would likely give rise to a situation where that is more likely to flourish, as the power imbalance is off from the start.

The world would stop if men were judged on their age gap relationships

I think it’s all the exploring and dissecting I am struggling with TBH Just seems a bit off so soon after the event.

Don't join in/hide the threads then Sparkling?

Nope. I think it’s good to keep track of who is saying what about all this. But thanks anyway @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor.

@DenimDrift did you actually read my post? I got NO help whatsoever.

Not only did I not get any help but my doctor more or less accused me of being an attention seeker because apparently people who really want to die don't take an overdose! Believe me if I had not been found pretty quickly (and I honestly did not think I would) I would have died.

The help I got was from close family and my lovely DH. I still have suicidal thoughts but am managing to fight them.

My dad also suffers very badly from depression and he has had very little help other than keep putting him on different anti depressants which make him like a zombie

I think it’s good to keep track of who is saying what about all this

Headgirl

The imbalance of power and earnings created by such an age gap can be a fertile ground for a potential abusive partner to sow seeds of domestic violence. By and large men go with slightly younger partners due to the virility and fertility of a potential mate. It’s just not normal for such large age gaps between an older female and younger male. That is what we are exploring here.

The world would stop if men were judged on their age gap relationships

I think if there was potential domestic violence involved, men would be judged more harshly if they predominantly also dated much younger women. When it comes to dv, then they usually are.

I don't think people are exploring it simply because there was age gap relationships. That's not what's happening here.I think they are exploring it because of both the domestic violence case and the mental health issues.

I’m probably a bit late in the day here but just wanted to add my two-penny’s worth:

I have to admit, before Saturday, I knew nothing about Caroline Flack. I never watch love island and generally am not v interested in the whole celebrity thing. But this does mean I just see her as any other person. Someone who has been violent towards another person. I’ve not been seduced by her celebrity status and glamorous life.

There is one person in particular who I would absolutely love to batter with a lamp however I know it is wrong and I’d end up with a criminal record etc as well as being shown to be the abusive one.

Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of it all, I’m not aware of the extent of the press coverage etc and do think she should have been left alone. It is a very sad situation, she should have been allowed to do her time and then get in with whatever life she had left.

However, I don’t really understand why people have been so positive about her. If she were a man who did the same to a woman, there’d be total outrage!! It reminds me of when a clique of school girls will dote a bully because of their perceived status. I just don’t get it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose I’m in two minds really - what she did was very wrong but that doesn’t mean the press should rip her to shreds- she’d already done enough damage herself.

she dated young men maybe because she didnt find the men near her age attractive i think. but she couldnt handle them being younger and i read somewhere she was obsessed about her age, especially becoming 40 was hard for her i think. maybe it was a bad milestone for her.
also, younger men were obviously not mature enough to be with her and as with the last one that she found texts, they could be unfaithful.
celebrity world is very difficult, with her fragile state she couldnt handle all these, although she was very successful in her career.
i wish she could have a very good therapist/someone for all those years of difficulty who would guide her.

well, these are my my two-penny’s worth ideas.

Sparkling, I think that everyone processes things differently. Some people want to talk about it, dissect it, try to understand it, and feel things should not be some how mitigated or swept away. Others feel it should not be discussed, as maybe a mark of respect, and that it's distasteful to do so in the immediate after math.

Neither approach is wrong. It's simply different people process things differently.