Caroline Flack found dead

[LittleScottish]

Poor, poor woman...

I wouldn't want to acknowledge that I let someone abusive abuse until their only escape from scrutiny was death either. But sometimes hearing this might save someone else. Right now, someone might know a woman who beats her boyfriend and they've minimised it but now they see where it can lead to for HER, they force her to seek help and help the abused parties.

Abuse is everyone's business. I come from an era where it was normal to hear your neighbour getting beat up by her husband and you mind your own business and they not to stare at the bruises the next day. I remember walking down the street with a neighbour who had been battered by her husband and son and was covered in blood. My mum and I walked her to her mother's house and passed a policeman on the way who enquired about her injuries. My mother told him that "it was only a domestic" and he nodded and walked on. That's how abuse was views back then. We don't want those days back.

Completely agree with Bluntness.

AuntieCedent you talk sense. I think I come from the same generation as you.

In my family currently, my cousin (a 53 year old man) is currently being physically assaulted and mentally abused by his wife. He's been married over 25 years.
We all know it, he knows it. We've tried and tried to help him but his wife doesn't know it and always always minimises it and he stays. I don't think he can even verbalise it. His wife doesn't see it at all. She's of the old fashioned mind that he's a man and a woman cannot abuse him.

As a family we don't know what to do. She's distanced him from us over the years. I've often wondered if I report myself to the police.

I wonder if she saw the CF case on the news she would stop and think? I doubt it, but there's a hope.

We are in a similar situation Millicent but it’s a very good childhood friend. It’s awful to watch. He’s now alienated from his family because of her. There’s only 2/3 friends who now see him because we don’t understand apparently. We understand too well & that’s the problem.

The law was changed that allow the CPS to pursue cases of alleged DV even if the victim drops the charges, so there is little the boyfriend can do now especially as the CPS believe that their is a case to answer. The law was changed to protect victims from themselves. What part of this do you struggle to comprehend?

^^this. I spent yesterday arguing with family on this. But then I’m an ex family solicitor. But they couldn’t see it. Was quite frightening tbh.

I know the CPS were going to prosecute and quite rightly but that doesn't mean that everyone now needs to discuss his private life when he is going through a terrible time. Does CPS prosecute make it any easier for him to read what is being said on the thread to him?

i wish this law had been around in the early 90's when i was experiencing this in full view of my eldest DD who remembers seeing her father at his worst

well no not his worst ...that came a few months later as police hadn't been able to do anything first time without me pressing charges (and i didnt because he had returned from iraq with ptsd)

the army themselves helped me escape their own soldier thankfully

i applaud the CPS

bobstersmum

It's none of our business what happened so what right do we have to discuss it?

So it should just be brushed under the carpet?

There is always an excuse not to discuss this. most have popped up on this thread.

Far too many people get away with DV and DA because it is hidden and seen as a shameful subject for those that go through it.

IMO, every opportunity should be taken to bring this out in to the light, and maybe it will also bring other areas that are taboo subjects (such as MH) in to the light as well.

I've just seen a woman on Twitter blaming the CPS for prosecuting her as "Are they suggesting a 6ft 3 tennis player was physically scared of a 5ft 2 woman?"

Really?

Caroline may well have been found innocent in the court case when she defended herself. We won't know as sadly she decided to take a different, dreadfully sad option. But while attitudes such as the above exist so readily and frequently, along with young women excusing it as "a drunken row, and we've all had one of them" and "even if she did hit him, he probably drove her to it" and "even if she did hit him, it's not domestic violence" threads like this are totally valid. Because those same young women may think the same thoughts if they end up with a violent partner and not recognise it for what it is.

But do we know for certain that she definitely assaulted him for no reason? He could have been violent with her and she was defending herself NO ONE knows what happened or went on apart from those two and one of them now can't give her side of the story. I'm not saying he WAS abusive but we often don't know the full story in these situations.

bobstersmum

Your last post highlights perfectly why victims don't come forward.

Well said @ShatnersWig

It’s literally astounding how stupid some people are blaming the CPS for perusing a case of assault. It couldn’t possibly be that upon learning that the CPS were going to trial CF took her life out of shame?

bobsters Well, when the Police arrived, she had to be restrained and didn't state she was defending herself from his violent action. Had she done so, CPS may have taken a very different path. But, hey, as long as there is a reason for a violent assault. Whatever happened to "I Believe You"? Or does that only apply one way?

Im afriad even her own family/managment are blaming the cps but then i understand atm they are grieving

its a dangerous path to go down though if it stops anyone else getting justice

Her management team did that very, very quickly. Distastefully quickly. In the same way the tabloids are doing.

This endangers future domestic violence cases.

Frankly, while I could understand her family looking for someone to blame, her management team should probably be taking a long hard look at themselves.

I don't see her management team issuing another statement laying blame at the ambulance team that went to her house on Friday following concern for her and not taking any action. Funny that. (Not that I am placing any blame there myself).

@NoSharon You people are relentless! Have none of you fucked up? I wish my life was so perfect

there is a shit ton of space between being not perfect and hitting someone over the head, with an object, while they sleep. I don't think any of us are saying we are perfect, however, I bet the majority haven't assaulted someone who was powerless to help themselves.

Apart from the fame factor or that it was a man that rang the police I would like to know why the police turned up in this case.

I have a couple of friends who have called police. One was during an incident of domestic violence and one was from armed men breaking into her house whilst she was on her own.

They didn’t come out till hours/days later. Neither looked at any evidence. One friend was left to deal with one of the weapons left behind herself.

The police weren’t interested

I said yesterday that shes been thrown under the bus by ITV. (I'm not minimising what she allegedly did, btw - just that she has been treated differently from Ant and Phillip). Amanda Holden has today said the same.
I believe her story has been used to divert attention away from what's really going on at ITV

Such sad news..This thread is awful. Just imagine her family, or friends reading it....Don't you have better things to do, than speculating and gossiping

@Oliversmumsarmy I think different forces respond differently sadly.

@Whatthefunk yet here you are bumping the thread....adding to it

It's a very sad and unpleasant set of circumstances. For the CPS to decide it should go to trial, there must have been compelling evidence that meant a conviction was likely. However mentally ill she was, it appears she probably did assault her boyfriend. I think it sets a troubling precedent to suddenly turn round and portray her as a victim in the situation and suggest that pursuing charges against people could lead to suicide, therefore the CPS are responsible. Whilst no one can ever know the full details because the evidence was never heard in court, imagine if the roles were reversed and a man who had abused you killed himself before the impending trial and everyone said he was the victim. People who have been in a controlling and coercive relationship will decide to drop charges because the perpetrator has had such a dramatic effect on them. It's tragic that a woman has lost her life over this, but that doesn't automatically change her to an innocent party

lets not talk about anything then funk as it potentially can upset everyone

I agree with you @lorettalemon. I don't think that her being guilty makes it any less sad that she has died. She was clearly tormented and had her demons. I wish she'd been able to overcome them and had a second chance.