The Robbing Butcher - Bemused by the Patio at FrogMhor Cottage

[TheMustressMhor]

What next for the Robbing Butcher?

Will he wander past Mhor Cottage several times a day so that he can keep an eye on the progress of the patio?

Will Mr. Mhor's measurements turn out to be wrong? And will Mustress Mhor and her DH have too many SLABS as a result?

If they do, what will they do with them?

Will the eggs be dippy tomorrow?

Sign up below if you are interested in the answers to these pivotal questions.

I'm mildly horrified that your card was declined, mustress - how mortifying!

I Don't Eat fried eggs, but I hope yours were suitably runny in the middle. Otherwise simply not worth it (it's the white I can't stand!)

I fear I was a Sad Disappointment to my mother, Worfs and Catherine!

THE BANK OF SCOTLAND EXPLAIN

Mr. Mhor phoned them and made opprobrious remarks.

Apparently, if you want to use a card for a "contactless" transaction, you can only do this if you have previously used the "chip and pin" facility.

So now we just need to go to the RB (or anywhere) and pay for the transaction with chip and pin.

After that, all transactions can be contactless (within the £30 x 3/per day limit.)

Duh.

I am thankful that the RB didn't witness my discomfiture.

FURTHER CHAOS AT MHOR COTTAGE

In a surprise twist, the BT engineer who attended Mhor Cottage today to explain the absence of broadband to the property, has expressed incredulity that Mustress and Mr. Mhor ever had internet access.

Apparently it ought to have been impossible.

The sitting room here is currently a mass of cables as the engineer tries ever more outlandish methods of getting the Mhors onine.

I am losing the will to live.

In other news, the patio is finished.

And in case you are all wondering how I can post messages whilst being offline - I am temporarily using the NDN's modem.

I had that same thing happen for similar reasons. I had gone into an expensive and independent specislist fabric shop in London. One where people whisper once inside. All very posh and exclusive. There I was having asked them to cut half metres and metres of very expensive fabric, only to be declined 3 times. I wanted the ground to open up beneath me. 2 people were behind me and because of the quiet ambience, my increasingly frantic and disbeliving tones drew attention from other people. I had to phone up the company over the phone whilst in the store to the bemusement of staff, only to have them tell me that I must withdraw cash from a major atm first.

I drew out the complete total in cash as I didn't risk it happening twice.

Oh Catherine I feel your pain.

The worst of it is that we always know there is money available. But we look like potential thieves when our cards are declined.

Yes. V. V. V. Embarrasing.

That wasn't McCulloch & Wallis, was it, Catherine? Lovely people in there, despite the hushed voices etc.

I ordered fabric for bridesmaids' dresses from them. Then the bastard ex-fiancé exed the whole wedding thing - I already had one of the fabric orders, which I assumed I'd be stuck with (10m or so) but the LOVELY people in McC & W, when I explained why I was cancelling the order for the other fabric, said they would refund me for the first lot too if I took it back to them. SO kind.

Yes Thumbs it was!!

I already felt intimidated looking around. The staff were not horrible, I just felt more self conscious being in a place I usually cannot afford.

They sound like they were so lovely to you!! I would never have thought they'd refund a big order like that. Shows the importance of not projecting I guess.

Ex financee sounds like he needs a pair of fabric scissors taken to him though...

Oh it was a long time ago now - and he's been adequately paid back by the cosmos, as far as I can tell!

Oh, so there is a limit of three times a day to use contactless? That might explain why it gets turned down surprisingly often!

Never knew that.

3 times? Didn't know that, I knew it was 30 pound limit!

Yes, knew the limit, but couldn't work out why it was getting turned down when there is plenty of money in the account.

I've been using it more frequently recently, too, gradually wearing myself off carrying my purse around ( old gimmer alert)

Weaning.

gosh I never knew you could only use contactless 3 times a day! The stuff you learn... but then I'm thinking if you use it on say 4 tube journeys it seems to work?

It has finally stopped raining here, thank fuck, as the dog was going absolutely batshit (but she won't go out in the rain). Had lovely cold and blowy walk on the beach and of course she went swimming.

So whereas earlier I was only surviving - resorting to sorting out kitchen cupboards and cleaning out cutlery drawer ffs - I am now thriving.

I had to google gimmer, it means a ewe between its first and second shearing. 🐑

That's weird 7 because I always associate the word 'old' with gimmer and that wouldnt sound like a very old sheep to me, given that shearing is once a year?

WILL THIS EVER END?

Tomorrow, courtesy of Amazon Prime, we should receive a double-ended ADSL cable (3m) and this will (allegedly) mean that internet access will be restored to Mhor Cottage.

Bearing in mind that BT said today that they could find no reasonable explanation as to why internet access had been available to Mhor Cottage for several years - and no reasonable explanation as to why it suddenly ceased on Monday - I am waiting with bated breath for the postman to appear tomorrow.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

I mean, I can remember when we had a telephone installed for the first time when I was a child.

In those days people actually asked you if you were on the phone. Many people were not.

I can also remember when the post was delivered three times a day.

When it was reduced to twice daily everyone was horror-struck.

I think my mother and her cronies had severe attacks of the vapours when the service was reduced to once daily - and NO SERVICE at all on Sundays.

Unbelievable.

So - Mr. Mhor and I have been paying BT for a service (internet/TV/landline) which they concede ought never to have worked. (I am still trying to get my head round this).

Surely tomorrow things will get back to normal. I can make my usual observations about the fried eggs and other minutiae.

Ha! I have not yet revealed my true feelings WRT the patio.

WATCH THIS SPACE

Bt are a law unto themselves, our account is in dh name , I was allowed to upgrade our broadband package but ... there is a fault on the line , they can see it , I can hear it.
But no engineer unless dh phones up!
He's hopeless on the phone and despite the fact this was discussed before Xmas when he was away working , now he's home still no phone call!

RESTORATION OF CONJUGAL RIGHTS

Or should that be "restoration of broadband services".

Anyway - the ADSL cable has done the trick.

It turned out that 3m wasn't long enough, so the modem is currently behind the sofa.

I have ordered a longer one. My life at the moment seems to be unnecessarily complicated.

THE ROBBING BUTCHER RUNS OUT OF BLACK PUDDING

And that is what I was faced with this morning in his shop.

No Black Pudding.

How will the Mhors survive this blow?

Today we only had bacon, square sausage, haggis, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes and toast.

It isn't Good Enough.

Sorry.

I forgot the fruit pudding.

We did have fruit pudding.

But... was it a Good Egg?

The intricacies of the interwebz and all the connections and what have you drive me bananas.

I'm still trying to work out how it was that, 3 years ago, we got one quarterly electrical bill that was 3x the size it should have been, because the wankers had basically charged us 3x for the same period. It was there on the bill - 3 sets of charges, all slightly different but not much, for the same period. Of course we refused to pay it but it took MONTHS to sort it out, with them twittering on about it being "back charges from 2 years ago" (doesn't /shouldn't happen) and all sorts. On one of the sets of figures, we appeared to be being charged for our excess electricity from our solar - which normally we get paid for as it goes back to the grid - utterly fucking bizarre.
Never really got to the bottom of it, either.

I do want to know about your patio feelings though, Mustress. I feel you are just holding it together and need but a small nudge to vent your spleen to its fullest.

TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT THE PATIO

(sigh)

It isn't level. I had a feeling it wouldn't be.

I do not like the colour of the slabs. Yes, I know I was there when we bought them.

We are still buying slate chippings like the slate chipping industry is going out of business. So far we have bought seven sacks of them.

Other than that I am over the moon.

On a brighter note, the egg this morning was perfect.