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Original poster

I can't shake the ick. Does it always end in divorce?

408 replies

Lhia29 · 07/02/2020 21:55

I don't want to dripfeed but I also don't want to say anything too outing. But the key details are that we've been together 5 years. Have 2dc (one from my previous relationship). Lived together 4years.

We've been having issues which are now almost completely settled. However for the last year ive felt increasingly unattracted to H. I can't pinpoint why but I doubt our issues helped. I was forcing myself to have sex once or twice a week. But I just can't anymore. It's physical repulsion now. Like kissing a relative. Things weren't massively well and we almost split this year but decided to work on things and it's been going well objectively.

But I have this gut feeling that something vital died this year. I've scoured Google for similar stories and it's such a mixed bag. Did anyone stay for the DCs? Did anyone wait to see if it got better? Did anyone leave and it actually be the best thing for both parties? Sex makes h feel loved and I know hes feeling rejected. But I also can't force myself to do it anymore. I feel so dirty and detached after. Sorry, that's a total ramble!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 04:52

I've applied for the divorce online (using unreasonable behaviour as a reason to bypass the. 2yr wait). We have no big marital assets and I don't want any money from him. I'll be telling him that if he doesn't agree I'm filing for an occupation order and getting him out ASAP. So I think he'll sign. We'll be divorced in 14 weeks or so if he agrees. If not he'll be elsewhere and I'll happily wait the 2 years.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 05:25

I've taken him off my UC claim too. So my claim is now a single claim and he's free to get helo if he needs it etc as his own single claim. He's going to be angry and upset when he sees the email but I need to be clear that this is over. No going back.

OP posts:
bumblingalonghappily · 11/02/2020 06:14

Well done OP- you're being so incredibly brave.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
TorkTorkBam · 11/02/2020 06:38

You sound much stronger.

His behaviour now shows just how selfish he is. Only thinking about what he wants.

Did you get a decent night's sleep?

accessorizequeen · 11/02/2020 06:46

This is brilliant. And the fact that you have no emotion and feel relieved is a sign that you've made the right decision. The more you reveal, the more he seems toxic.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 11/02/2020 07:25

Well done op.

Helenjosh · 11/02/2020 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 07:28

Thank you. I didn't sleep great but I'm sleeping upstairs tonight. He can sleep downstairs. I feel better for taking some control and doing those 2 things though. The ball is rolling whether he likes it or not. It's awkward because I know he'll be shitty when he reads the notification any minute now but I'll just have to ride it out.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 07:30

Wait whys it hidden? Did someone report me for being a suspected troll??? This thread's been keeping me going :/

OP posts:
allthedamnvampires · 11/02/2020 07:39

Doesn't seem hidden to me.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 07:42

That's strange. Maybe it was posted on the wrong thread...

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 11/02/2020 08:36

You are definitely doing the right thing. I’ve just read this whole thread with a creeping sense of dread as you revealed more and more of how awful he is. I hope you can get him out soon. You are showing such strength Flowers

Whatifitallgoesright · 11/02/2020 10:36

We're still here. Hang on in there, you're doing great.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 10:53

I'm parked in a local car park. I rang the police for advice and they bloody sent someone to come talk to me. I'm worried I'm blowing this out of proportion

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 10:54

I was only calling 101 for advice. I mentioned his behaviours and she said it's best they come to me in person. I'm quite surprised. Just waiting atm.

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Daftapath · 11/02/2020 10:57

Never think that you are blowing this out of proportion!

The fact that they have sent someone straight away will hopefully help you to see how abusive he is being.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 10:57

This all feels a bit much. I feel like I'm being a dickhead.

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 11/02/2020 11:05

It is very common for women in abusive relationships to feel they are blowing it out of proportion. You told the police the truth and they thought it was worth coming out to see you. That should tell you something.

His ex was scared. His sister has no trouble believing him to be dangerous. Again, this should tell you something.

You are not blowing things out of proportion. And if you were, so what? A copper has a chat to him? That's not a disaster. Or even close.

Daftapath · 11/02/2020 11:09

Please use this opportunity to get him out. Tell the police that you have told him it is over and that you are worried that he will not leave.

Morporkia · 11/02/2020 11:25

Just rtft and want to say well done! Please please please don’t minimise the situation when you speak to the police. He needs to leave, he needs to respect you and your need for separation and above all he needs to get some bloody self respect! 💐💐💐

StormTreader · 11/02/2020 11:37

Just tell them the truth, all the truth - its up to them to decide how much or little intervention is needed from them once they have the info.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 12:25

I was honest. They did a risk assessment so it's there, recorded, what ls gone on in the relationship. And it'll help me get an injunction of it comes to that. They said he doesn't have a right legally to stay it seems. And the housing association agreed when I rang. He's listed as an occupant so I need to take him off first. Then I can tell him to leave and take it from there.

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Daftapath · 11/02/2020 12:37

Well done @Lhia29!

You have achieved so much in a few days.

Is it a long process to get him removed as an occupant?

Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 12:44

I'm about to find out.

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Lhia29 · 11/02/2020 12:47

Apparently it's 10 working days

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