Child staying with ex’s wife’s parents on dad’s contact time?

[CathyTre]

I realise there’s nothing I can do about this, as it’s up to the kids’ father how he runs his life and what he does when it’s his weekend with our children.

But I still find it very odd that on his time at weekends (every other Friday and Saturday) our eldest son has been going to stay with his wife’s mum and dad and then going to church with them on Sunday mornings.

I don’t know these people (ex’s wife was the other woman, not that it matters, but obviously I don’t know her parents) but he obviously trusts them and knows them well and wouldn’t send son to people he didn’t trust obviously.

I just think it’s really odd and I don’t really like it! Every other Friday and Saturday, the children are with him and I miss them terribly when it’s his weekend. I wouldn’t dream of sending one or both somewhere else these weekends!

I have that time with my husband, they have their “child free” time when I have the children (about 70/30 split) so why would they do this?

So does he see them at all?

Yes he dies but I still find it odd that eldest (aged seven) would spend the evening and night and then some of the Sunday with her parents rather than have family time with them? He’s a very easy child. Well behaved. No difficult issues. (Ex agrees with this).

Dies?? Does!!

How many children do you have? Is it just the eldest he sends away?

We have three children but one is adult aged nearly twenty so it’s just the Littles who go to contact - aged seven and just turned four. Just eldest that goes, yes. I find it weird!

Is it because he likes going to church? He could’ve made a friend at Sunday school. Have you asked your son?

I think he does like going to church. But surely they could all go together? Apparently, ex’s wife is a practicing Christian too

My ex used to do this too. Well it wasn’t just his wife’s parents, it was his too sometimes. So he could go out and drink. DCs used to complain about it and it became apparent it was just a hint of a wider picture that he wasn’t really interested in them at all.

It's a bit odd but maybe he likes going?

I don't send mine away but my eldest(7) who is my DHs stepson goes to stay with my MIL sometimes because he likes it there and she's loves having him. DH and I have 2 kids together too (18 months and 12 weeks) so sometimes she asked if 7 yr old and 18 month old wang w sleep over. She treats my eldest like her own grandchild so I guess she just likes to do what she's do for her other grandkids.

Maybe it's something as simple as that? Maybe your ex's wife's parents are more comfortable having an older child to stay rather than a young one?! My own mum only ever has the eldest because she's not good with small kids

And he might enjoy the time with grandparents. I did, and they were my stepdad’s parents. Their house was calm and they spent time talking to me and playing cards. We had a very strong bond- they became my grandparents when I was almost 4.

I don’t think he doesn’t like going - I think he does actually! But when parents are separated, obviously each parent has to hand time without the children, so when you DO have them, why wouldn’t you make the most of that?

I do think it’s odd.

Have not hand! Stupid typos, sorry!

I don't think I'd be happy if this was a permanent arrangement. Contact is not about a parent's time with the child it's about the child's time with the parent. Every now and again I wouldn't care but as a regular weekly occurrence I would be at the very least having a discussion about it.

I don’t know. I guess it feels divisive to me when the family is already split to then split it some more? If that even makes sense?

It does make sense. Is it his choice, or is he sent?

I'm confused; if it's the 20 year old surely it's up to him??

Is your ex’s wife a nice step mum to him? Do they have children together?

Can you ask your ex about it?

I’m not sure if he’s “sent”. He’s only seven but he’d say if he was unhappy, he’s quite sensitive. I just don’t like this really and it doesn’t feel like a good “use” of contact time. I think they should be together doing family stuff - visiting her parents, sure, but this feels not right to me.

It’s not something that would occur to me. We sometimes have lunch with my husband’s parents and that sort of thing on my weekends but all together!

They come back every Sunday afternoon, so this feels like eldest isn’t with his dad fur a good chunk of his time.

For

Practicing Christian who sleeps with a married man ?.

I don’t mean the eldest in this context I mean the eldest who goes to contact weekends. Actual eldest obviously sorts out his own arrangements for seeing ex.

They do not have children together yet no, but I would think it’s quite likely they will - she’s only late twenties and currently child free.

As far as I know, she’s a nice step mum to them; they don’t talk about her much but would say if she was horrid or something!

Practicing Christian who sleeps with a married man ?

Surely you know that Christianity is the first home of hypocrisy?

I also find this strange op. Maybe they do this so your ex can have 1-on-1 time with each of them?

Either way I’d be unhappy with my young child spending the night with people I do not know, and haven’t been asked about. I really think you should bring this up with them.

I did ask ex about this tonight - I texted him and he called me back. He said he didn’t think it was odd and eldest likes it so what’s my problem? He said youngest is very clingy to him and it’s easier for middle son to do his own thing there. He’s only seven!

I told him I still think it’s not quite right.

But I can’t do anything about it and he obviously doesn’t see it the same.