If you kept your surname, what about your children?

[MonsteraCheeseplant]

Just that really. Assuming that you are not Spanish, and that you are married to your spouse, but you have different surnames. Double barrelling is the obvious solution but if you each have three syllable surnames it's not really acceptable is it?

Before we had children we decided that any girl we had would take my surname and any boy we had would take my husband's. this is what DH wanted to do. And he fought hard for it, bless him. Especially when I was pregnant with DD after already having had DS.

I think it's a great solution but as I still seem to have to explain my name choice 500 times a week (okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but still) I decided I couldn't face the complication of having to constantly correct the children's names and/or explain. Obviously, I concede this is a feminist failure but there you are.

DH is always telling the children that when they're older if they prefer my name they can change. I get annoyed with him, but I appreciate the sentiment (and my name is English while his isn't, so there's a practical element to it which DH is very aware of).

@OllyBJolly

Maybe not in your own isolated case. I'd say maybe a dozen of DD1's friends have hyphenated names on their birth certificates - every single one uses only the last name, their fathers'.

I don't believe for one moment that you have seen the birth certificates of 12 (!!) Of your daughter's friends.

I've never even seen one.

You don't get to make sweeping untrue generalizations and then invent things.

My kids are not the only double barrelled in their classes, there are about three or four in each class who also use the double barrelled name every day.

Double barrelled, Mine first (4 syllables) then DHs (3 syllables)...Both forrin and go nicely with each other.
Atm DS (3) says his full name, at nursery he is Name AB and his friend is DifferentName CD and he always says both letters when he talks about him.

My kids have their dad's surname. but after our upcoming divorce I'm thinking of changing back to my maiden name. Would I have to use deedpoll to add my surname as a second middle name to theirs?

My kids have Hs surname. I'd have liked to double barrel but it just didn't work and I couldn't be arsed with the endless justifications I knew I'd have to give to both families if the kids had my surname.

When my parents married my mum kept her surname and, Spanish style, my sister and I got hers and dads surname, not double barrelled. So I'm AutumnCat Mumsname Dadsname. When I married a few years ago both DH and I kept our birth names.

This is great but then meant for DH and I that I didnt want to a) give only one of my parents surnames to my kids, making them xxx Dadsname DHname or xxx Mumsname DHname, or b) lumber them with all three surnames, that's far too much name.

The only other fair thing to do that DH and I have decided to do is come up with a new surname which is connected neither with his family history nor with mine.

The history you carry as a family is not carried in names. We will still say "xxx has such a Mumsname smile" or even "xxx is so much like a Grandmasname, look how calm she is" or whatever. But we wanted to all have the same name and we wanted to create a new, fair tradition. I think our parents took a little while to get their heads around it but are all supportive and at the end of the day it works for us.

So, this year, DH and I are changing our names and any future DC we have will have that surname.

I kept my surname and DD has my surname - both of which were DHs idea, which I was very grateful for.

I'm already a double barrel, didn't want to triple barrel, so we just gave DD her own brand-new surname so she has neither of our names, only her own.

@AutumnCat

The history you carry as a family is not carried in names.

For some of us it is though. my surname was originally invented by my ancestors in the early nineteenth century in Poland when Jews were forced to to take official names.

it is only because the surname references the small village where they had come from that we were able to trace our family with the help of a researcher in Poland and actually found the house they lived in.

it is because my husband and I come from very different ethnic and religious backgrounds that I wanted to preserve both of those in our kids' names.

having said all of that, I still like what you have done, and respect it. clearly has been the right thing for you, rather than going along with patriarchal expectations for fear of rocking the boat.

My children have my surname and their dads, its double barrelled. I will never change my name and if my children were only going to have one name it would be mine.

If they have children they can choose what they like. The name given from me is more significant than their dads name imo as I have done the majority of raising them and supporting them in every way, including financially.

@OllyBJolly my DH's name went first and mine after. No hyphen. We chose that configuration because it just sounds better that way.

We both use both names. DH sometimes uses his original name with friends who knew him before me. That's fine. More often he gets called by our last name, so my name. He has no problem with that either.

I find it helpful that we all have and use the same family name but it isn't nearly so important as you think it it's going to be when deciding these things.

I'm not married. My kids have my surname as a middle name (in addition to a first-name style middle name) and DP's as their surname.

If we were doing this now I'd want to do it the other way round I think.

They have DHs. Married after first child and it was only at that point I decided to keep mine.
His is much easier to spell as well!

The history you carry as a family is not carried in names. then why is it so important that the man’s surname is used for the children?

I don't think it matters so much with girls as if they get married in the future there's a high chance they'll take their partners surname anyway.

Jesus wept. What a depressing, reactionary opinion.

It astonishes me how many kids still have the father's surname in this era. especially as let’s face it most of us women do all the actual child rearing!

My children took my dp's name as I still had my married surname until recently! I've now gone back to my unmarried name.

We are now getting married but I'm not changing my name. I have 2 adult children from my first marriage and would rather it was fair to all of them.

Dd has my name, ds has dh's name. Fair's fair.

Oh, and dd is adamant that she will be keeping her name. She's in her teens.

Both, no hyphen. They can use either or both. They use both usually. Mine is last though, so some lazy people drop DHs.

colouringin
Would I have to use deedpoll to add my surname as a second middle name to theirs

You can only make any changes to their names with his permission.

If he doesn’t agree you have to go to court but they don’t like to agree unless there is a really compelling reason and the previous advice on MN has been that this does not include a parent changing their name.

This is why women should think twice before choosing to change their own name or give a child a father’s name only.

If he agrees you could just start using it or you could do deed poll.

Thanks blouse never knew that. and guessing most other women don't.

Certainly lots of people get caught out by it. I have seen many threads on MN by women in your position where the father refuses to allow the addition of the mother’s surname.

www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/change-a-childs-name

Everyone with parental responsibility has to agree.

@scarlettblaize that's an amazing story, it must have been incredible to have been able to trace such an important part of your history!

My name meanwhile is not as unusual although it is precious to me. I will keep my names as middle names but I am excited about our decision. And I do mean to make sure our kids know where they come from and how are able to trace their histories if they want to!

@scarlettblaize that's an amazing story, it must have been incredible to have been able to trace such an important part of your history!

My name meanwhile is not as unusual although it is precious to me. I will keep my names as middle names but I am excited about our decision. And I do mean to make sure our kids know where they come from and how are able to trace their histories if they want to!

@snowfalling20 I'm...not sure you read my original comment?

My children, my name. It helped that he had children with his name from previous marriage.