Canal boat: Four 18/19 year old lads...

[Miljea]

Aaaaaand... breathe!

The mothers of the other three lads are probably on here, at a guess! That would be funny.

My DS, 18, Year out from uni, is lovely. And clueless. He's not huge on RL friends (at all), but, frankly, his RL friends, such as they are, only seem to get together in cyberspace.

Months ago DS mentioned a canal boat trip, with these other guys, for a lad's birthday. In Feb, somewhere in the Midlands. DS was at sixth form with the now-at-uni inviter, who has a uni mate and a 'local to his uni' mate to make up the 4.

I thought it would die a death, but it hasn't.

Like I said, DS is sweetly clueless.

My concerns?

Getting along the south coast. He's never caught a train alone- even a bus, other than a school one! This is Southampton to Brighton. With a change.

Driving from Brighton to the midlands with an unknown teenage driver.

Arriving late and all going yadda yadda yadda about How The Boat Works (tho the inviter has done it before, as has my DS, albeit in a 'someone else taking responsibility' (us) way.). Then bouncing off into the dark.

Not understanding what are feasible journey times. That you can't travel by night. Knowing the electrical capabilities of the boat, versus battery charge 😊 And water supply. Ending up at pubs to eat, otherwise bringing food, to reheat. Who is planning all that without being derided?

Having a cold, dark, wet, miserable 5 days because no one took control of the situation.

Obviously I need to go along to Make It All Alright 😂😂 but....

Learning experience? Brilliant holiday? Or catastrophe?

Bearing in mind, come Sept, he might be at a uni a 5 hour, inc cross-London train trip away.. 😮 We'll never see him again.

But I almost fear he doesn't know what he doesn't know.

I may be feeling rather anxious about it......

Again, thank you to those who recognise that their own confident, outgoing, popular teenager is not necessarily, by extrapolation, an example of all teenagers.

I am always surprised on MN, probably more so now than in the past, how many posters really have no empathy, no ability to just, for one moment, put themselves in someone else's shoes, to consider somebody else's experience. The only model they can conceive of, of life, is their own.

I have friends with teenagers who took themselves off to Vietnam in their gap year, and friends whose teenagers have screwed up every ounce of their courage to overcome their fear and to go to the local uni, living in halls, albeit 5 miles from home. All the parents concerned have parented in very similar ways, and I have known all for at least 15 years.

Anyway, DH is going to baby DS 😉 tomorrow and drive him to the station so he can go to Brighton. He knows the journey home might involve one change. He has asked how he will know which train to change to, and recognises that his stop may not be the terminus! I explained about the overhead information boards, 1st train, 2nd train etc, and in doing so, thought about how we, once you know what you're doing instinctively know what the information we need looks like, and where we'll find it; like knowing the N/S, W/E thing on the tube maps, and where you can expect to see that info. Or recognising that one side of an airport is Arrivals, the other Departures.

Actually, he'd have less of an issue at an airport, as he has been through dozens! He's been on more planes than trains.

Pavlova's post of 20:18 yesterday was condescending, bordering on rude, yes; but also demonstrated a deep lack of empathy for anyone who was a lesser human being than all the shiny, achieving teenagers who populate her world.

I agree miljea. And it was that post I was referring to, not the 'rude' post.

Obviously

😊

Pavlova didn't post at 20:18 yesterday. She posted at 20:35 or 22:18.
And neither post was condescending or rude. Perhaps your projecting a tone onto her text which wasn't there? Maybe that's why your 18 year old adult child has the capabilities of a 5 year old.

Now that was condescending and rude.

Buy him Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome and make him read it.

He knows the journey home might involve one change. He has asked how he will know which train to change to, and recognises that his stop may not be the terminus! I explained about the overhead information boards, 1st train, 2nd train etc, and in doing so, thought about how we, once you know what you're doing instinctively know what the information we need looks like, and where we'll find it;

While I accept that not all teens have the same experiences, this is a shocking level of incapable. He is 18 and even if he has never caught a train before he shouldn't need to ask how to navigate doing so.

It's as if you have micro managed his every move and he hasn't been able to develop basic skills naturally.

Tbh I wouldn't be happy with him going on a boat trip given how much detail he needs to be given regarding catching a train

OP, I think I caught my first train ever at 18. First time in a train station as well. And I'd never been on a plane, either. (Deprived, poverty-stricken childhood.)

It went like this.

I looked up the train times, and I bought a ticket online. I went in and collected the ticket on the day and then looked at the huge in-your-face departure board to locate the platform.

Then I went to that platform, and waited for the train. Then I got on it. Then I got off it at the changing point. Then I realised that I should have brought a book because hanging around for my connecting train was very boring.

Next train arrived. I got on it. Sat on it a while. Looked out of the window. Got off when I got to my destination.

It's not that hard.

Lack of empathy? Not all but unless he has a learning disability, you are being precious and fuelling his lack of confidence.
Our son’s best friend has a sister with moderate learning difficulties. It took a couple of weeks planning and practice to get her to travel to college alone. She manages though. I understand her mother being a bit anxious for the first few trips but she was fine.

I think we all worry a little but that shouldn’t hold our children back and pandering to their anxiety only magnifies it. We’re we slightly worried about our daughter living, working and traveling alone in rural Malawi? Slightly, but she wanted to do it and we had to let her go.

Our youngest went to Croatia to a festival at the end of six weeks interailing at seventeen/eighteen. We didn’t get involved in the plans at all. She was a bit nervous but facing our fears helps us overcome them. Parents twitching really isn’t helpful.
I can’t empathise with the degree of fuss you are making about it, no.
It’s a real concern if an eighteen year old can’t manage a train journey.

Some experiences are new. I know people much older than 18 who struggle with things like buses and planes because they have never had to do it alone.

There are plenty of reasons why someone may never have had to get a bus or train alone. Even at 18. Even at an older age.

But on the other hand the worst thing that could happen is they get the wrong train. And you can only learn by experience.

DS has never got a train by himself. But he has done trains loads and the tube loads so hopefully he would be ok doing it.

Other people just need to learn.

There is a lot of stealth boasts on this thread.

I always think lots of the people with opinions about parenting older teens and adults clearly don't have children that age themselves. It's not straightforward at all.
Op your approach and concerns seem reasonable to me. I hope he has a lovely time.

'How far was the stretch?'

Can't really remember But the hire people chuckled every time we popped by

I'm just relieved that before 'committing', he's catching up with at least two of the other three tomorrow. He should get a fair idea of how things might pan out from that!

Now we've talked it through (tomorrow), he's quite relaxed about it, which is also a relief. I was glad he had the sense to ask me how stations work!

And, to be fair regarding putting yourself out there, and 'the worse that could happen', there have been plenty of threads on MN about people who won't answer a phone unless they know who was at the other end!

remind him to take his phone charger. They seem to forget those easily.

@Miljea I do hope the lads aren't stuck on a boat this week.

What vile weather we've been having.

I went on a canal boat holiday with a group of female friends aged 17. We were shown how to drive the boat and operate a lock before we were let loose.

It was a brilliant holiday, we had a ball. Your 17 yo needs to be a lot more independent!!

He went this morning.

The lads must all be sooo glad they weren't stuck on a boat this weekend!

I hope they have a great trip (and have all packed wellies and thermals).

I hope he has a fabulous time!

Have you heard from your DS OP? How's it going ?

shiny I check the National News... .

I told him I expected to hear 'at least once a day', which is a deal he has upheld, once a day. As agreed.

He has thermals, which I purchased (alongside his eyeroll)... and hiking boots.

Apparently they're determined to do a ring through Birmingham, and it's 'going swimmingly'....

As an indicator of my DS- his first day message to me was: 'Forgot my retainers'. Retainers he is now expected to wear, overnight, every third/fourth night. But which he wears nightly. Just in case.

Thanks everyone for asking. I will update.

Sounds like he's having a good time , that's great 😀