Canal boat: Four 18/19 year old lads...

[Miljea]

Aaaaaand... breathe!

The mothers of the other three lads are probably on here, at a guess! That would be funny.

My DS, 18, Year out from uni, is lovely. And clueless. He's not huge on RL friends (at all), but, frankly, his RL friends, such as they are, only seem to get together in cyberspace.

Months ago DS mentioned a canal boat trip, with these other guys, for a lad's birthday. In Feb, somewhere in the Midlands. DS was at sixth form with the now-at-uni inviter, who has a uni mate and a 'local to his uni' mate to make up the 4.

I thought it would die a death, but it hasn't.

Like I said, DS is sweetly clueless.

My concerns?

Getting along the south coast. He's never caught a train alone- even a bus, other than a school one! This is Southampton to Brighton. With a change.

Driving from Brighton to the midlands with an unknown teenage driver.

Arriving late and all going yadda yadda yadda about How The Boat Works (tho the inviter has done it before, as has my DS, albeit in a 'someone else taking responsibility' (us) way.). Then bouncing off into the dark.

Not understanding what are feasible journey times. That you can't travel by night. Knowing the electrical capabilities of the boat, versus battery charge 😊 And water supply. Ending up at pubs to eat, otherwise bringing food, to reheat. Who is planning all that without being derided?

Having a cold, dark, wet, miserable 5 days because no one took control of the situation.

Obviously I need to go along to Make It All Alright 😂😂 but....

Learning experience? Brilliant holiday? Or catastrophe?

Bearing in mind, come Sept, he might be at a uni a 5 hour, inc cross-London train trip away.. 😮 We'll never see him again.

But I almost fear he doesn't know what he doesn't know.

I may be feeling rather anxious about it......

Sweety clueless or just incompetent for his age?

If that sounds harsh, look at the replies and see that the vast majority say he should be able to travel on public transport even with a change and that the majority of people with an 18 year old think he needs to have these basic adult skills! (Alright I would have safety concerns about the boat and checking the owner would go through these, but really?)

They have phones these days, with maps and the Internet and the ability to call and text people.

the plan is train to Brighton, with a change in Portsmouth HE IS AN ADULT, young dc should be able to do this!
arrangement to get to mate's house and this is hard why exactly?
drive to the Midlands sit in a friends car
to canal boat hire place continue to sit in friends car
have plans for four nights pre-arranged in terms of food; he is an adult, can he not realise he needs food and go to a shop
execute plan with no major issue, and return home see above

If he has NT, you have done him no favours getting him to adulthood without these skills and a basic ability to be independent. I have DC older and younger than 18 and it would terrify me if they hadn't been taught how to safely travel on their own and look after themselves at a really basic level. That is why you are worried, as he isn't competent not that he is taking huge risks.

And bloody hell, if my DD/DS was their friend, or worse girlfriend or boyfriend, I would be totally rolling their eyes that they would have to
look after another adult to this extent.

And in fact, the risks seem to be so great to you as he isn't equipped with the basic skills to manage them, they are not great risks at all.

I agree the alcohol and boat is not a great combination but I would make sure they knew the boat basics, but this could be researched online and printed out? My 18 year old DD is travelling abroad on her own and I helped her buy insurance and gone through what to do in emergencies, reminded her to stay safe etc but I trust her to be competent. It is scary to me that she is an different country and time zone to me but she is an adult and we have to let them go and trust them.

Check out the pubs en route before you go.

Be realistic about how far they can travel in a day (canal boats make remarkably slow progress, especially if it's a busy time of year)

We went last year and the people we hired from suggested a tesco delivery with the basics to the boatyard for when we got there

Take a waterproof poncho thing so that when you're steering and it's pissing with rain you don't get too wet

Op, I totally get you, but don't succumb to that overwhelming urge to organise your ds and don't let him know how you're feeling. At 18/19 even if things go a bit wrong, it won't be catastrophic for them. Presumably he's got the ubiquitous mobile to hand.

I'm the arch catastrophiser with my ds but don't want to cramp their style, so have limited my life advice (to the ones that are old enough) to a) never mix drink/balconies/swimming and b) never stand on the edge of a tube platform till the train's in (!) The more they do stuff and survive, the easier it gets!

I think there are some direct trains from Southampton to Brighton, btw.

I do think your main responsibility as a parent is to equip your children for independent adult life (various SEN excepted etc) and it is quite shocking that an 18 year old man can be described as 'sweetly innocent' when he can't get a train on his own. These are the men MNers marry who can't run a household and need to graduate from mother to a wife who fulfills the same role.

The train, journey planning the canal trip, food, battery, getting wet etc I wouldn't worry about at all. They are adults and if they get wet/cold/lost/hungry it's up to them to sort.

But... they need to really pay attention to the induction and preferably watch some instructions online before they set off on the boat (assuming they aren't turned away, which I'd think is quite likely). Locks are really dangerous places if you don't know, or don't pay attention to, what you are doing.

do the hire company know it is four 18 year olds? If so, then fine. If not then they'll be turned away anyway.

It will cold and fairly miserable. Someone may fall in - as long as it isn't in a lock, they'll just get cold and wet. They will lose a lot of money if they return the boat trashed. Oh, and a general boating rule is no pissing off the back at night when drunk, use the indoor toilet despite any possible disturbance. This one is a quite a common cause of drownings.

hopefully he is aware that you can walk faster than a canal boat goes so don't be overambitious with the itinerary.

Another one here who is amazed they got a booking. As an ex narrowboat owner, we used to see many pissed up (generally young male) groups behaving dangerously with half the contents of an off licence on their roof. The hire boat yards used to get so many complaints about drunk and boorish behaviour, and some even had boats sunk, so generally it doesn't happen now.
The other thing is, if I have not misunderstood, and they are going in february, there are still a lot of 'stoppages' on most canals for winter repairs. Stoppages are often in place until easter. Your son needs to check if the anticipated journey could be affected. Check online with the Canal and River Trust, or whatever they are calling themselves at the moment.
As for essentials - proper waterproofs, trousers, hat and all. A showerproof coat just won't cut it. Safe waterproof footware with good grip. Plenty of warm clothing and a decent torch.
They will be given a safety and instructional talk. Pay attention. Boats are fun but you need to be careful, and more importantly, SOBER. It only takes one stupid move to get hurt. Narrowboat weigh in excess of 12 tons generally, they can crush you, you can fall off them, they can pull you in, and if you're really unlucky, they can sink. Sobriety is the key.

To be honest, I was maybe hoping for some practical ideas
"Don't drink too much you fall off the boat". That's it, everything else he handles.

The whole worrying about food, laundry, what sort of time he has, how he changes trains seems way over the top if he's 18. (N.B. I have 18 yo twin DS).

TBF you didn't ask for any advice in your OP - just a mass panic about an 18 yo never having been on a train by himself....

Has he not been to scout camp or cadets or similar? Done DofE? All those things will have given him an idea of how to look after himself.

My 17yo went to Reading Festival last summer for 5 nights camping and survived - no, not in the way he would have done if it had been a family trip, but he fed and watered himself, had an occasional wash and didn't get too sunburnt. He had a fab time.

He and his mates (18yo) have booked a holiday to Majorca for after A levels. He's 18, can't do much about it.

My DD managed a trip from Surrey to Gloucester on the train with her mate at 14yo - change at London terminus and Bristol. Googled a few bits on their phones - kept track of stations, which platform to get each train etc. You have to trust them.

I always tell my DCs to be sensible, and to phone if they have a problem.

The only bits that would have me concerned are the driving bits and an irrational fear of falling into a lock when the water is low. But I'd keep that to myself.

Travel on public transport wise, well, if he's not done it before, he will muddle through. Get him to download the national rail app and the bus company app and he can ask if it goes a bit wrong.

In terms of hols, DD was off camping with a friend on the other side of the country at that age. Bit she'd been travelling on buses and trains by herself since the age of 11/12. I get the fear of doing stuff.for the first time though. The more he does now, the better in terms of going to uni.

Travel is nothing,, he can ask if he is confused.
Have faith you raised him right.

send him to London for the day (with phone charged) show him the travel website & get him to organise route - ie practice run

I'm intrigued what route he's taking to have to change trains to get from Southampton to Brighton. There's the boring slow south coast train that goes directly there.

At 16 I travelled with a friend, solo, to Paris. This involved trains, planes and automobiles. At 17 I travelled with a friend and her boyfriend to spend 3 weeks in Italy. I arranged the travel for both trips myself. I don’t think I had any travel adventures when 18 but both my siblings travelled long haul. I’m not that old either, and I’m sure that there are plenty of teenagers who might do the same today?

A national trip sounds like a good starting point. The worst that can happen is he will miss the train?

I would be uncomfortable with the idea of four drunk lads on the water, and would be clearly communicating re safety on a boat.

But the rest? Let him learn. He might mess it up but he’ll probably have fun doing it.

Oh and it’s so much easier to navigate public transport now. Google maps, Citymapper, tfl app..... it’ll be fine.

It is natural to feel anxious every time you loosen the apron strings a little with teens but OP have you not been doing this gradually since the start of secondary school so as to progressively build up his skills to live independently as an adult/ at Uni?

Why is he so incredibly lacking in skills and experience at this age? How are you expecting him to cope at uni or living independently if he hasn't had a chance to build the relevant skills?

Let him plan a trip to London on his own before the holiday. Can he plan and cook a meal?

Sounds great, they’ll have a ball!

Locks and alcohol do not mix.

Yes to this. Understanding cills and the danger they pose whilst in a lock is really important.

And of course how to use a windlass. Unless they dont mind losing a few teeth

No one seems to have said it yet so I might as well

'Better drowned than duffers if not duffers won't drown'

Can't imagine the hirer will be happy with a group of teenage lads, though.

59theThreeofWeevils

And the Walkers were much younger!

If the boat hirer turns them away, presumably they'll get their money back and will be enterprising enough to find themselves a Travelodge instead.

Really, it doesn't matter if they get a bit wet, a bit cold, a bit hungry (though I don't see why they should be hungry, when there are always shops, pubs and takeaways around). It'll be a learning experience, and no doubt they'll still have fun.

Hiring a narrow boat or similar is very expensive, I'm surprised they chose to spend that amount of money.
It can also be very dangerous if you're drunk / aren't aware of hazards / how to deal quickly if things go wrong in locks. My parents own a narrow boat so I am experienced with steering & handling the larger boats but you do need a sensible head whilst working the boat

It'll be fine. Portsmouth station isn't massive, if he is worried get him to go into Portsmouth this weekend, or even a day trip to Brighton.
Ask him if he has any worries and work through them with him, e.g. In this situation I would do xyz.
Otherwise it is probably more about you getting through the weekend yourself.