Canal boat: Four 18/19 year old lads...

[Miljea]

Aaaaaand... breathe!

The mothers of the other three lads are probably on here, at a guess! That would be funny.

My DS, 18, Year out from uni, is lovely. And clueless. He's not huge on RL friends (at all), but, frankly, his RL friends, such as they are, only seem to get together in cyberspace.

Months ago DS mentioned a canal boat trip, with these other guys, for a lad's birthday. In Feb, somewhere in the Midlands. DS was at sixth form with the now-at-uni inviter, who has a uni mate and a 'local to his uni' mate to make up the 4.

I thought it would die a death, but it hasn't.

Like I said, DS is sweetly clueless.

My concerns?

Getting along the south coast. He's never caught a train alone- even a bus, other than a school one! This is Southampton to Brighton. With a change.

Driving from Brighton to the midlands with an unknown teenage driver.

Arriving late and all going yadda yadda yadda about How The Boat Works (tho the inviter has done it before, as has my DS, albeit in a 'someone else taking responsibility' (us) way.). Then bouncing off into the dark.

Not understanding what are feasible journey times. That you can't travel by night. Knowing the electrical capabilities of the boat, versus battery charge 😊 And water supply. Ending up at pubs to eat, otherwise bringing food, to reheat. Who is planning all that without being derided?

Having a cold, dark, wet, miserable 5 days because no one took control of the situation.

Obviously I need to go along to Make It All Alright 😂😂 but....

Learning experience? Brilliant holiday? Or catastrophe?

Bearing in mind, come Sept, he might be at a uni a 5 hour, inc cross-London train trip away.. 😮 We'll never see him again.

But I almost fear he doesn't know what he doesn't know.

I may be feeling rather anxious about it......

I have a 19yr old. He has been using the train to travel to his dad in Scotland on his own since he was 14, with changes [ 5 hour journey ]. He had to get the bus and train to college [ would have been too far to walk or cycle ].

At this age you have to let them make their own mistakes. You may not agree with what they want to do, but they need to learn this for themselves. You will worry, that is normal.
My son is intending going travelling on his own next year and he is planning the route and what he is going to do. Again, I will worry the whole time, but I won't put obstacles in his way.

I completely understand, your mind goes into overdrive! My DC’s have all got hard won experience of similar trips now (slightly older than your DC) air b&bs with broken equipment, ‘friends’ who behaved badly, festivals where they were threatened or someone got lost, wet camping trips, sunburn, unreliable cars, lost tickets, cancelled trains. The list goes on.

I’ve had frustrating phone calls where I give advice that probably isn’t taken, where I’m looking at them on ‘find a friend’ in a bus station abroad for hours wondering what the hell theyre doing there.

It’s really hard being a parent. You’ve got to let them get on with it, confident that you’ve probably got some of it right, he’s out there living life. And that you’ll be there like a shot if he asks for help.

I can understand your concern, my DS is 18 and clueless at times too so I get where you are coming from. I hope everything goes well for them though, but not too well that they rebook 😂

Tell him to video the boat induction with his phone as they won't remember all the instructions.
It will be a "learning experience".

I’m sorry OP - I went travelling around Europe on my own at 18 for 9 months, but I still don’t think a canal boat holiday for 5 x 18 year old lads, most of whom have never boated, is a good idea. To be honest I cringe whenever I see many adult hire boaters putting their boat through a lock - They might know how a lock works, but theres etiquette, there’s real danger and there’s been some fatal accidents in the last few years when it’s gone wrong.

Boating is a holiday- but it’s also quite high risk if you’ve never done it before.

You say you’ve boated- Could you take them out for a day, show them what the ropes for the first day, then bugger off!?

When I was 18 post a-levels I went with three friends to Austria. By train etc. I think the problem here is that you seem to think he’s 8 not 18.

My son did exactly the same - he was 19 I think. Had a great time.

The public transport: pfft. The rest of it? JESUS GOD NO. As for having the booking honoured, the boat hire will probably return the fee on the spot, in cash. This is heavy dangerous kit, and I speak as someone who drove glider winches and tractors from 15 up.

I’d be more concerned about meeting older men on the internet and going on holiday with them than hygiene, food and travel.

Op you are getting a hard time here, ignore the lot of them and do what you feel is right.

It's not really up to OP to do anything. Her son is 18 and has booked to go on a trip with some mates.

I'm really shocked at what you are worrying about, everything you list is well within the grasps of a NT 18year old however I clicked on this post thinking it would be about drowning. Are they drinkers? The only time I have said to my then 18, year old that I really didn't want them to go was a canal boat as they were still unaware of their limits and I was concerned about water and alcohol.

Leave him to have a great trip with his friends, he is a adult

Well it's a different problem than if he was going to Magaluf and the OP would be worrying about falling off hotel balconies, STDs and tattoos in unwise places.

It sounds like it would be a great experience for him. He’s quite old to have never experienced these things. I was taking the train alone further than that to London at 15, flying alone and getting a hotel room by myself (uni visit, hotel booked by my mum) at 16. By 17, I’d moved out and was living in my own flat. Let him go. They won’t starve. They’ll probably not set off til morning given the timings. Pub food is fine for a few days. Hopefully they can all swim. I’m sure he’ll have a great time.

He needs these learning experiences OP. He needs things to go wrong too and deal with them. I didn't leave home until 21 and I really struggled. At 18 I was more like the age of 14. I still really struggle now to be honest because I never really had these independent learning experiences. I was always "looked after" or rescued by someone. I'm stuck on benefits with two children now - you can blame their dad for walking out on us, but I wish I'd been more independent and got myself a strong career first. I'd have a much nicer life.

You can advise him to do some research but don't do it for him. There's loads of apps he can use to journey plan, YouTube tutorials for the boating stuff and have Deliveroo or Just Eat delivered to the boat or go to a pub for food. He'll be on a canal in the Midlands, not outer Mongolia.

Sorry OP, but I think you're mollycoddling your adult son. He's at least 18 Years and 6 months if he is on a gap year. What is he doing at the moment work wise?
To be worried about the train issue is madness. Yes, he may have biked to school and college, but what did he do in the holidays and at weekends? To have never got public transport at his age is bizarre.
When my DD was 17(just) she took me to Berlin, and amazed me at her ability to get us from the airport and around the city using public transport without my help. Both my DDs have been to music festivals from the age of 16 with friends. Both have travelled abroad from the same age with friends.
I must admit, as I was reading your initial post I was waiting for the 'he's got SEN' sentence at the end!
The only thing that I'd be anxious about is the fact that they're going on a narrow boat. I also think that when they turn up to collect the boat they'll get turned away. I'd be tempted to phone the boatyard up to double check that this won't happen. Everything else? Leave them to it.

My practical advice is as it's February they need to put some newspaper or something on the floor just inside the boat and remove muddy shoes.
We were told by a boat hire company that lads had trod mud all the way through resulting in the boat not being able to be rehired straightaway. It cost the lads a lot of money for cleaning and loss of hire.

Send him on a train journey to Brighton and back this weekend by way of practice - tell him to make his way to the sea front (take a photo to prove it) and back to the station when he gets there, and sort out his own meals etc.

Feb is prime time for closures and lock repairs. Check the CRT website for updates on which part of the canal is open. Download Open Canal Maps app - tells you all the locks and service points.

Why on earth has he never so much as taken a train alone at this age??? That blows my mind.

My dd would take the train and tube to London with a friend at 11 years old. He really needs the life experience, let him go.

On a practical note, I would recommend: a warm sleeping bag, emergency snacks, a toilet roll, waterproofs, power bank, torch, bottle of rum.

My kids have all gone through Scouting (Beavers to Explorers) and have picked up many life skills that I take for granted - cooking, planning, independent travel, making a kit list, etc. Highly recommended it to parents here with younger kids.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand that their personal experiences are not necessarily universal?

Sweetly clueless at 18? Not good.
He shouldn't need your support with catching a train, booking a trip or many other things. Throw him out of the nest or how will he learn to fly? He's a man.
You aren't doing him any favours.

My only concern is it being on water and them being drunk and that is a valid one. All the cooking and meal planning stuff, public transport and being away with friends is not an issue. I live right by a canal network and the police have put up posters saying 85% of deaths when on a night out drinking are people drowning.