Is anyone willing to admit they haven’t found parenting that hard?

[moctodtensmum]

I’ve been reading a thread about whether to have kids and so many posters talk about how hard child-rearing is and how much parents complain. It’s true in RL too, the narrative is what a slog it all is.

This just isn’t my experience and I have several kids the oldest of whom is 15. Now I know I’m lucky that so far none of my kids have had significant health problems and we have a comfortable income. Change either of those criteria and it would be very hard. But I hear many parents in a similar position still saying it’s awfully hard.

Of course there are hard days but my overall experience of parenting is that it’s made most days more fun, more loving, more full and much brighter. The highs in life are immeasurably higher. The lows can be lower too but I actually like the heightening of all emotions.

I love my kids and I like them. I enjoy their company. They push me out of my comfort zone so I try new things and life is therefore more interesting and full. They haven’t stopped us doing much, we just do it together.

I have no other family so the creation of this little family of mine is everything to me.

I’m not boasting. I know I’m very lucky. I’m just interested in whether others feel similar and just keep quiet so as not to be accused of smugness? I sometimes wish that instead of worrying about smugness we celebrated the experience of child rearing a little more.

It depends on so many factors. The type of people you are, the personality of the dc, support from the family members, your relationship with dh, your stress, do you live in a stressful place, do you have elderly parents who also need help?

We had some of the above and with dc 1 it was a doddle. Dc 2 has pushed me to the limits esp with additional problems. Little support, little money for a long time, live in stressful area etc.

I think MN give the worst scenarios. On everything. I do sometimes think it’s quite bad for me but can’t seem to stop reading.

I’m glad you’ve started this thread. Last night I was thinking how we need some positive parenting and being grateful to our decent husbands posts.
I’m not pretending parenting is all fun and games but on the whole it’s not bad. I find the actual children stent the bit that’s hard, for me it’s the emotional worrying about them when the eldest are with their dad.

With a young child I struggled, from the age of about 5 I've really coasted along with no major issues.
Again we've been fortunate that there have been no major health issues and we've always got by (if not always been comfortable) DS is also an only, so I've not had to contend with sibling rivalry which I'm sure played a big part in it!

I have one child which probably helps! But he’s the easiest, sweetest kid, and no, I don’t find parenting that hard.

I haven’t found parenting hard - yet. I’m sure there will be some bumps along the way as we enter the teen years. I also became a step mum when the children were young adults so I didn’t have any parenting issues with them either. Life does seem very unfair at times - I was fairly ‘if it happens it happens’ about having a child and mine was the easiest baby right from the start whereas my friend was desperate to be a mum, had years of IVF and has had a really rough time with her boys, including a split from her husband and many illnesses/SEN issues with her children. Not being smug / it really does make me feel grateful for what I have.

My 3 are still only young but I can’t even imagine how different my parenting journey would have been (so far) if my children slept. The only thing that makes it hard for me is the sleep deprivation.
Obviously that’s partly my fault as the timing of my children means that I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 6 years. I’m hoping that when DC3 finally starts sleeping, my overall parenting experience will be a whole lot easier!
Other than that, it’s generally great.

Up to 12 months old I found parenting hell. Once she could walk (never crawled) and wasn’t needing me to transport her around our lives changed immeasurably. I work full time as a teacher, so she’s at the MIL’s daily and evenings after DD bedtime are spent working until late. Housework done at weekends. Yes it’s a slog but I wouldn’t change it for the world and school holidays are now such fun!

That’s another thing I notice, the ones keenest to say how awful it is have two or three kids.

I found the teenage years really challenging. Up until then I might have agreed with you. There are several points to consider;
•all kids have their own personalities
•you can’t predict the effects of peer pressure,
•Young people are living in an increasingly stressful and pressured world.
• Not all families have a support system around them.
Yes we hope the secure base we create at home will be enough to counteract outside influences/ pressures. And that will work for some kids - and maybe not for others.
Your eldest is 15. You have some way to go yet.

I also agree that for me, the older they are the easier it is (so far, I’m know it could all change!). 6 and 4 year olds are a dream. 12 month old more difficult. At least I know this time that it’s all just a phase.

I have found it amazing, I even enjoyed the sleepless nights. But what I think helped is that we have no family or friends. So no interference or visits etc.

I agree, there are days which are exhausting but I wouldn't say hard. My D.C. has brought me a purpose, given me focus and something to devote to. I love days of endless playing and watching I'm keEn.

This is someone who is currently facing the terrible twos and went back to work full time from six months.

I found the newborn days hard because of the sleep thing. But once they were 6 months I haven't found it hard and actually I love it. Wish I could have more kids but my wallet and the planet won't thank me so I am content with my two.

I think you're setting up a division between parenting being hard and being wonderful/rewarding that not everyone would? I would guess that many of the people who'd say it was hard would also describe it as wonderful too. So maybe there are more people in your camp than your realise, they're just emphasising different things in any particular conversation.

Of course there are hard days but my overall experience of parenting is that it’s made most days more fun, more loving, more full and much brighter. The highs in life are immeasurably higher. The lows can be lower too but I actually like the heightening of all emotions.

I would say exactly the same and yet I still find parenting really bloody hard sometimes. Totally worth it, immeasurably wonderful and rewarding, absolutely worth celebrating, but definitely not easy and effortless.

Easy going children, no health problems, enough money makes life very straightforward.

Add into that Grandparents helping out, good social network, nice area /house to live in, good transport links, parents who are happy in work, children who are happy in school, one SAH parent.... & life is a doddle.

I loved being a parent until my eldest got to about 15, sorry to say OP! Then my second, who was my easiest by far, followed suit and became awful at 14. They've both treated me like absolute shit, shattered my heart, made me regret ever having children.

Not my life btw ...

For me DC1 is easy. She is 3 now and yes we have tantrums etc but being a SAHM is much easier and more fun than working was. Even as a baby, yes she didnt sleep but during the day I mainly just watched telly so I didnt find it to be the nightmare experience that many people describe with a newborn.

However I realise some of this is luck of the draw and now I'm pregnant with #2 I'm worried I will find it harder second time round. Pregnancy both times has been relatively easy but harder the second time as you get less downtime. I know this time the newborn I wont be able to just watch telly!

I only found parenting really hard when my kids became young adults.
Babies and kids are tiring that's for sure, but I was mostly happy and yes, I was sometimes utterly worn out - but I loved being a mother.
Having to negotiate young people with instances of mental illness, substance issues, one with a teen pregnancy also. That's been harder, because a cuddle and a story and maybe a couple if chocolate buttons handed over with a wink - well that doesn't cut the mustard any more.
And yet they still somehow expect you as "Mum" to have all the answers.
I've found the last few years very tough on my own mental health as I've helped them negotiate problems I THINK , hopefully, we're sailing on calmer seas at last. But boy, I'd take dirty nappies and 2.00oa.m feeds, or school runs and book week and packed lunches over a troubled young adult any day of the week!
I raised five and we were a pretty chaotic bunch, with me not having a wee alone for some years. But they were funny, smart, affectionate, surprising and I was a young mum, which may be helped energy wise and because I never knew adult life without being a mother. Idk!

I found bits of it tricky but no more than I expected. Single parent, kids grown up now.

One of the stressful things is trying to balance everything. I find it hard to balance with career, studies and relationship. I can't help but reflect on how the balancing was much much easier before the parenting element was thrown in the mix, especially since the parenting part seems comparatively unpredictable and defies planning. I guess in a way parenting isn't my priority and I don't feel like my child is my raison d'etre, though I like her! If I saw parenting as my main thing then maybe it would be easier. So it's probably my personality that's at fault!

Yes OP! But you’re not allowed to admit it - I’ve had to sit in silence at baby groups while other mums complain about how hard having a baby is.

My DD has slept a solid 9-10 hours through the night from birth, only wakes up when she’s unwell, which isn’t very often. I breastfed first the first year and she eats whatever is put in front of her.

She was never sick, only once had a poonami and I never had to change her clothes during the day. She potty trained in one weekend and is an all round lovely kid who listens and doesn’t misbehave.

It feels good to get that out!

@xtinak I agree the work/home balance can be hard to negotiate but my perineal experience is that having a career helps me enjoy family life precisely because family life is not my one and only focus. Work can feel like a holiday from home and home can feel like a holiday from work and without those two very different stimulating environments I think I’d find life harder.

Apart from obvious considerations like divorce and financial situations I think it depends entirely on personality. Some kids are very easy going to parent and others are the opposite and it’s luck of the draw which you get. You still love the bones of them but if you get a tough one it’s really really hard, the bonus is it makes the rest look like a piece of cake.