Is anyone willing to admit they haven’t found parenting that hard?

[moctodtensmum]

I’ve been reading a thread about whether to have kids and so many posters talk about how hard child-rearing is and how much parents complain. It’s true in RL too, the narrative is what a slog it all is.

This just isn’t my experience and I have several kids the oldest of whom is 15. Now I know I’m lucky that so far none of my kids have had significant health problems and we have a comfortable income. Change either of those criteria and it would be very hard. But I hear many parents in a similar position still saying it’s awfully hard.

Of course there are hard days but my overall experience of parenting is that it’s made most days more fun, more loving, more full and much brighter. The highs in life are immeasurably higher. The lows can be lower too but I actually like the heightening of all emotions.

I love my kids and I like them. I enjoy their company. They push me out of my comfort zone so I try new things and life is therefore more interesting and full. They haven’t stopped us doing much, we just do it together.

I have no other family so the creation of this little family of mine is everything to me.

I’m not boasting. I know I’m very lucky. I’m just interested in whether others feel similar and just keep quiet so as not to be accused of smugness? I sometimes wish that instead of worrying about smugness we celebrated the experience of child rearing a little more.

The only bit I find hard is the juggle with work. Much as I love my career, I’d love to be wealthy enough not to have to work. I’ve only really felt that since the dc were school age too.

However, mine are still only primary school age so we have a lot ahead of us and I’m sure there will be harder & easier times.

We’ve also made a conscious decision to stop at 2 so we aren’t outnumbered. Everyone I know with 3 seems to find parenting much harder!

The people who have an easy time of it probably don't come to Mumsnet looking for advice or support.

I'll join in here. My life in every other aspect - health, relationships, career - has been mostly a total trainwreck. So maybe it's by comparison that I've found parenting relatively straightforward. But when people say "oooh it's the hardest thing I've ever been through" - I can't relate to that.

I have enjoyed every part of it - my two are now early 20s.
They're kind, bright, polite and sociable kids and I'm proud of them.
Not so proud of the mess they leave the kitchen in sometimes, but all-in-all, it's good.
One had some health issues, but it's all turned out OK now.

My partner died when DD was 1 yo, it was a bit tough to start with but tbh i ve loved bring her up, pre school, primary, comp, loads of sport, teens, exams and now Uni, of course plenty of ups and downs but i feel so lucky despite everything, i do wonder what life would have been like in different circumstances.

I've had no money worries and my Mum was brilliant, the outlaws less so (they tried taking her off me) but they came round, they are very good really.
I think setting clear consistent boundaries is very important and that's easier with little or no interference, however, every child is different and i ve had some excellent advice & support over the years.

I was this person despite being a single parent on variable income with mouth a huge amount of support. Then my kids become teens.

I have one dc in her mid teens. I have never found parenting particularly difficult, beyond the first year in which she didn't sleep, but even then, I loved being a mum.

I think it's much easier having an only child, though, and my dc's personality definitely helps. She is a very positive person by nature, and I love her company. She is also really well-behaved and sensible, and I have never really had to discipline her - just the odd chat about things here and there. Sure, we irritate each other from time to time, but it's always short-lived and we always apologise. She is incredibly thoughtful and appreciative of the stuff that I do for her. We like the same things. She makes me laugh like nobody else can. She's fab.

So yes, parenting has been a joy for us so far, with very little hard work involved. I have never needed a break from the dc like many parents wish for - I am genuinely happiest when I'm in her company. I think the hardest bit of my journey as a mum is going to be when I wave her off to uni in a few years time. I'm going to miss her so much, but am starting to put strategies into place now so that I will be able to cope!

Me. I’ve only one and she is now 25. I split with ex husband when she was 9 months but he was a great co parent and paid hold support as well as extras.

DD was an easygoing baby and has stayed that way her whole life. We are very close and have so much fun.

Child no hold

First child was an absolute breeze - we thought we were acing it. Then ds2 came along and it literally all went to shit.

The baby bit was not nearly as bad as some peoples' experience, even though I was in my 40s and believe I had mild post natal depression with my second and she was a very fussy baby for first few months. My difficulty has been the adjustment to late parenthood after having a career, be identified as x's mother or x's wife rather than me, and also my husband passing away when the kids were 4 and 6.
But they are now both teens and my daughter is still an angel (grumpy on rare occasions) and my son has definitely had his moments but is generally a loving boy still talking to me in full sentences!

I'm with you. But it's because we are lucky.

Yeah I agree op. I love having dc - I think I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life now with them (and I've had a happy life!). Some of my friends often speak wistfully of our student days and how they wish they could go back to that. I can't relate to that at all. I enjoyed my time as a student but I'm happier right now!

I guess in a way parenting isn't my priority and I don't feel like my child is my raison d'etre, though I like her! If I saw parenting as my main thing then maybe it would be easier'

I think this is interesting and quite insightful. I have worked full time in a demanding job since dd was a baby, and also did a master's degree part time, so I have done a fair bit of juggling career/study/family. However, the one thing that has been completely clear for me since dd was born is that parenting is my top priority. I do still care about my career, of course (was taught my my mother to value this, as she deeply regretted giving up hers) but ultimately, it is being a parent that gives my life a real sense of purpose and makes me feel fulfilled. I don't know why I feel like this, but it's the one (and only) thing that is really clear in my mind - my relationship with dd is by far the most important thing in my life. My challenge is therefore to ensure that I invest in my career, hobbies and other relationships sufficiently in order to ensure that I maintain a good balance!

I'll admit it, but I am a lone parent with just one dd, and we are both on the autism spectrum. We live how we want at home and it's easy. It's the outside world that's often the problem!

I am happy to admit that my teen DD has been a dream! She was an easy happy baby always slept well and never given us any trouble. She is kind, generous and funny and apart from a few friendship dramas in early teens and the usual worries as she's got more independent, I've enjoyed every minute. She's late teens now so I'd like to think she will carry on being a lovely adult. I'm not boasting, I know I am very fortunate when it comes to her. I have other challenges so I don't live a charmed life by any means

OP I think you meant perennial rather than perineal - the latter means something quite different! Not to be a pedant but to save you embarrassment if you were to use it in a different context. l

It's far too subjective a question. I found it easy. One child with no additional needs, I'm in good health, decent enough income, great schools available, family support. Change any of those variables as it could be very different.

The whole having a child and looking after him etc - easy, it's down to personality imo, I'm laid back, he's very chill, we established a routine very early on, haven't suffered any of the apparent regressions.

The fact that I am so alone and starved of friends - truly horrific. I have 3 friends that I would consider close that are sahp, they all did the baby thing at the same time, I'm 2 years behind them all. Before I had my son I still saw them, did stuff with them when I was free (worked full time m-f) I've been home for the past 8 months, I've noticed how very much on the fringe of that friendship I actually am. It's totally broken my heart, I've tried making new friends at parent/child groups, but I'm not good at it, people don't seem to warm to me.

Currently juggling full-time work and suicidal teen girl with ASD (who, to be fair has struggled with school environment all her life). Also with an exH who has just been made redundant and could lose his house in the next few months. My mum died before my dc were born. My eldest dd however is fantastic but obviously also needs support and not to be left in the shadow of the younger one with MH. My family are supportive but in a sort of middle class ‘doing’ way not emotionally. So yeah. In this context, parenting has been a mix of everything including being relentlessly bloody hard with no let-up yet.

I've found it extremely painful, despite having a very comfortable set up. I think having two children with major issues (one medical, one SEN), is part of it, but having an unhappy marriage, and being stuck at home because of the kids issues have been the shit part. Kids themselves, mostly a joy if you ignore the diagnosed stuff.

I found parenting relatively easy and I thought being firm had made a difference.

Now as a grandparent with 1 dgc who is much more indulged and yet still mostly well behaved, happy and kind I often wish I'd been softer and more indulgent.
No I didn't find parenting difficult but it doesn't mean I got it right. There's a lot I
would change.

You’ve obviously had very relaxed babies/ toddlers which is great. I have friends and family members who have very chilled out children and do envy them sometimes. Just how they can leave the house so easily. However, I wouldn’t change my girl for the world and we are lucky she is healthy. I do think I have had it harder than a lot of people though (colic and DD’s personality generally!). Everyone’s experience is going to be different.

My dc are still young so I can't comment on parenting as a whole. But I have found the baby stage easy. Just luck of course as dc happened to be good sleeping, no health problems, not fussy etc. I never joined a mothers group as I didn't really need any support. A few people said to me "you have to join a mothers group - you'll need someone to text and vent to at 3am when you're struggling". But I can honestly say that never happened.

I even started avoided meeting up with friends with same age babies. As they'd be telling me how awful their lives were, and I'd just have to make a few things up in order not to sound smug.

I have two kids one DS is 3.5 and one DD is nearly 1, up to now, I can honestly say I haven't found it that difficult to parent them. But they are both fairly chilled characters.