Is anyone willing to admit they haven’t found parenting that hard?

[moctodtensmum]

I’ve been reading a thread about whether to have kids and so many posters talk about how hard child-rearing is and how much parents complain. It’s true in RL too, the narrative is what a slog it all is.

This just isn’t my experience and I have several kids the oldest of whom is 15. Now I know I’m lucky that so far none of my kids have had significant health problems and we have a comfortable income. Change either of those criteria and it would be very hard. But I hear many parents in a similar position still saying it’s awfully hard.

Of course there are hard days but my overall experience of parenting is that it’s made most days more fun, more loving, more full and much brighter. The highs in life are immeasurably higher. The lows can be lower too but I actually like the heightening of all emotions.

I love my kids and I like them. I enjoy their company. They push me out of my comfort zone so I try new things and life is therefore more interesting and full. They haven’t stopped us doing much, we just do it together.

I have no other family so the creation of this little family of mine is everything to me.

I’m not boasting. I know I’m very lucky. I’m just interested in whether others feel similar and just keep quiet so as not to be accused of smugness? I sometimes wish that instead of worrying about smugness we celebrated the experience of child rearing a little more.

I've not found it hard recently. Now they are grown up. But the young years were hard, no help, kids didn't sleep. It was an utter slog.
The teenage years have been fine, I've got good kids.

And I also gave up my career due to lack of childcare and worked 12 years in a job I hated just as it fitted around school.

I think it's all a bit subjective isn't it?

I found the first two years difficult but mainly because of lack of sleep. I bloody love spending time with DS9 but he is 9, not an adult, and I need adult conversation as well as the really interesting chats we have, and we have a very similar sense of humour which is great.

I love being in his company, he's an only child so I've nothing to compare it to so it's hard to say but I'd say it's tiring more than difficult.*

*Disclaimer, he is undergoing assessment for ASD.

I loved it. My life has been enhanced by having children. Not always easy on a day to day basis, with husband working away a lot in the early years, and managing 4 young daughters with no family to help.

We took the decision that I would be at home, starting to work from home, when the youngest was 2. I think this has been the real reason that I've enjoyed it. I never really had to manage the conflict between work and parenting.

Eldest daughter is now 21, youngest is 15, all 4 of them are great friends and I delight in their company.

Yes it's been utterly joyful on the whole. One of mine has health issues and I wish with my heart that she didn't. My whole heart. But for her, not me. She's incredible and has made my life happy.

We adopted DD & love her more than anything but my God it’s incredibly hard work sometimes! Parenting her has tested our marriage on many occasions & often we don’t have much left for each other. She is undiagnosed but very likely to be high functioning autistic & has attachment disorder, sensory issues, anxiety & low self esteem. On the plus side she is extremely clever, passionate, kind, hilariously funny, beautiful ( wish she’d believe it!) & makes me see life in a whole new light.

My eldest is 3 and I have a baby too.
My eldest was/is a terrible sleeper, a reflux baby and made of Velcro, I also had PND when she was born for a year, but no I wouldn’t say it was hard.
It’s tiring at times, and frustrating when you have to carry on doing normal things you’re tired or sick, but I love it and really don’t think I’ve had it that bad.

It helps that DH is a wonderful person to parent alongside, and we’ve not had any real financial hardships which would add pressure.

I disnt find the young years hard. Yes l was tired , went back to work when they were 12weeks old due to shit maternity pay in those days. But the teenage years were hard on me Especially with DD.
To be honest l think maybe because l had my kids in early 90s and there was less information out there we didn't have internet l had less things to worry about just did what l thought was right.

Just returning to this thread. Interesting to see many of the replies agreeing parenting is easy are from parents of only children. Not all of course but definitely quite a few.

I take the point that my eldest is only 15 and I might get hit hard years. I do know that. But I was reflecting on how much enjoyment I’ve experienced through parenting so far.

My three have wildly different personalities
But luckily they are all quite cheerful most of the time and I think that helps a lot.

I find parenting much easier since my ex moved put. The household is much more chilled nowadays. Sometimes the logistics of single parenting are quite tricky but on the whole I find it much easier without an abusive manchild in my home.

Those smug buggers are saying it's so easy, do you look like this? 😂😂😂😂

Yes that's true actually - mine are up far apart they may as well be only children. I may eat my words if we end up having DC3 in close proximity to DC2!

And DS1 from 3-5 years nearly broke me, and I still find him hard work. It makes me sad actually as I used to have this very easy relationship with him and now we seem to spend so much of the time bickering and I know I ought to be the adult but that part of parenting I find hard. Never thought I would

I don't think I've found parenting that hard till the last few years. For the first 5 years I worked 4 days a week, then went full time. For 12 years I've been on my own without a partner. Sure it's been busy but I've instinctively known how to have boundaries and love unconditionally - I'm sure learnt from my own dear Ma.

But the last two years - GCSEs and A levels have been harder. Both my DC are pretty laid back - or practically horizontal - when it comes to revising so it's taken some patience to see them through. The year they both had major exams was tough. The ups and downs of starting uni and the other going off the rails a little with A levels has been more challenging too.

But I've honestly wondered from time to time what is so hard about parenting. It's so rewarding and they are such a joy. But I know some people have a lot more challenges and worries to bear than I do particularly where mental and physical health are concerned. And I think financial worries can play a big part too - I've not had those. But juggling work and children and coping with marital breakdown I managed okay. And everyone says my kids have come out really rounded people.

I find the juggling a stressful job, having to leave the office in a rush and without fail to pick up kids, money worries and looking after ageing parents hard. I also bring work home, which doesn't help. Also, my mental health/anxiety has been shot to pieces through motherhood.

It wasn't the parenting in isolation, it's the balancing.

The late teenage years have been the hardest. The rest was a piece of cake.
I have a young adult now at Uni and it's awful not being able to help them more, they are far away and bloody expensive!

I had my first two children and always thought people made a real drama about raising children. There were boring days and sleepless nights and days when the house was a mess and days when they drove me mad with their squabbling but I never got why people found it so hard.
After a reasonably long gap of 9 years I had my 3rd baby and I finally got it, every day of parenting has been hard ever since!

I’ve been very lucky in that I also have easy children (no health issues, NT, very easy going, positive and cheerfully compliant in their personalities, no tantrums or “terrible twos” phases etc). None of my DC have been great sleepers, but for me the key thing has been that DH and I haven’t had to grapple with any behavioural or health issues and we are fortunately able to raise them in an emotionally and financially stable environment. So, the sleep deprivation didn’t really feel like a big deal as the rest has been relatively easy. It could all change massively once we hit the teenage years, of course, but I think we have been incredibly lucky in these first 10 years as we haven’t had to grapple with any major issues. I don’t think I’m being smug in saying this, either, as I fully recognise that we are very lucky (having survived a shit childhood myself) and, if just one or two of the key variables had been different for us, our life as parents would likely have been very much harder. (Plus: teenage years yet to come!)

Sorry, just to add even more to my very long post above, and like other posters on this thread, by far the hardest thing for me is balancing/juggling everything - home life plus full time work outside the home in a fairly stressful job. Thank goodness, then, that the children themselves are so easy!

I find it incredibly difficult. I was prepared (as much as you can be) for that and it is ok. And of course there are amazing, wonderful aspects to it too that make it all worth it for me.

What I was not prepared for was how it would almost destroy the previously easy relationship I had with my own parents. That has been very hard and still is extremely difficult to manage. Almost made worse by the lovely, supportive relationship we have with DH’s parents. I don’t know how to fix it and there is nothing in the parenting manual for it.

It depends to a large part on this child.

Our eldest (he’s 5) has ASD. He’s a lovey kid but he’s REALLY hard work.

Our twins (age 2) are a doddle. Much easier. If the eldest wasn’t autistic I’d probably be finding this much easier.

@TooStressyTooMessy, what happened if you don't mind me asking?

ItIsWhatItIsInnit, I’ve posted about it on here before asking for advice. We had a great relationship (if so I thought) when they were the parents and I was the ‘child’. Now that I have children of my own they criticise my parenting each time they visit, usually wanting to discuss things after the children have gone to bed. They don’t like the kids to cry at any point making it very difficult to discipline. They find any discipline too much (I mean even simple stuff like asking the children not to leave the table while they are still eating). They overreact to any sniffle and think we should call a doctor. The tiniest issue at school and I should go and speak to the already busy and stressed teachers, etc. I could go on but don’t want to completely derail. For my part I find it very difficult to not revert to a sulky teenager. I feel completely undermined as a parent and massively under confident as a parent when they are around. Which they then criticise . The ridiculous thing is they live miles away, we don’t often see them and I get on with parenting 99% of the time without their ‘help’. I tell them as little as possible and it really has destroyed the once close relationship we had.

That sounds pretty shitty, sorry to hear that. I've heard of grandparents overindulging/spoiling their grandkids but that's something else

There's no denying I found the baby and toddler times hard graft. But ever since it's just got easier and easier each year. There's been a couple of minor hiccups but overall it's been a doddle. Have teenagers now and it's great it really is, we're very companiable but don't live in each others pockets. I can't remember the last time there was any arguing or hot tempers, we just seem to do that. Their friendship groups are really nice, even their boyfriends are genuinely lovely. When I get home tonight my daughter and her boyfriend will have cooked chilli for us all, can't wait