Is anyone willing to admit they haven’t found parenting that hard?

[moctodtensmum]

I’ve been reading a thread about whether to have kids and so many posters talk about how hard child-rearing is and how much parents complain. It’s true in RL too, the narrative is what a slog it all is.

This just isn’t my experience and I have several kids the oldest of whom is 15. Now I know I’m lucky that so far none of my kids have had significant health problems and we have a comfortable income. Change either of those criteria and it would be very hard. But I hear many parents in a similar position still saying it’s awfully hard.

Of course there are hard days but my overall experience of parenting is that it’s made most days more fun, more loving, more full and much brighter. The highs in life are immeasurably higher. The lows can be lower too but I actually like the heightening of all emotions.

I love my kids and I like them. I enjoy their company. They push me out of my comfort zone so I try new things and life is therefore more interesting and full. They haven’t stopped us doing much, we just do it together.

I have no other family so the creation of this little family of mine is everything to me.

I’m not boasting. I know I’m very lucky. I’m just interested in whether others feel similar and just keep quiet so as not to be accused of smugness? I sometimes wish that instead of worrying about smugness we celebrated the experience of child rearing a little more.

Agree that sleep deprivation is what makes it hard for me. Seven years in and still being woken several times a night puts a lot of pressure on the rest of our lives. Parenting is the hardest thing in the world but still the best thing I've ever done.

Depends on the type of person you are as well. I often hear people say they hated maternity leave as they were desperate for adult conversation. Not me though, I'm a pretty shy, quiet person so I really enjoy a day in silence. Sometimes I got a little annoyed when DH got home to ruin my peace . But I wouldn't usually admit that as it makes me sound like a massive loser!

I found it physically hard when ds was young due to an illness I had at the time. Once that abated, it was a breeze really. He's almost 16 now and has been a joy to be around. Still waiting on the teenage angst to arrive. Only had the one child though.

My dc, both of them, were great sleepers as babies and my youngest, despite issues at first with reflux and recurrent chest infections, has been a fairly easy child to look after. My eldest has eczema asthma, adhd and some autistic traits so is more difficult and I worry about him quite a lot.

We're skint and can't afford to do much or go out very often so we spend a lot of our time at home but my dc love playing together and are happy to entertain themselves so I don't feel run ragged with them constantly needing my attention.

I don't have that "mum guilt" that so many people on here suffer with either so don't feel bad that they've spent most of the day in their PJs and that I haven't filled their time with wholesome educational activities.

Dh and I share the childcare and household chores so I don't struggle with balancing everything all by myself either so that makes this parenting lark feel a bit easier as well.

I have generally found it quite easy. But I am a pretty relaxed person, and I enjoy a challenge! The terrible 2's were a challenge but I enjoyed them and alwats knew it would fly by. I miss the little years now.
DS (15) has always been harder and has firm boundaries. DD(13) is very relaxed and so far pretty biddable and fun.

The hard bit for me is the emotional aspect. The 'what ifs...' Illness/Traffic accidents/assault etc. I love them so unconditionally I can't bear to think of anything 'big' happening. I make sure I don't dwell on things or catastrophise!
I have found dealing with elderly more difficult so far.

I always kept it to myself so as to not annoy friends who didn't find it so easy but I found the under 1.5 age really easy. That's because my DS would sleep through from a very young age and continues to do so. If he wasn't a good sleeper it would be a bloody nightmare. I always worry if I had a no 2 I wouldn't be so lucky.

I have no other family so the creation of this little family of mine is everything to me.

I suspect this makes it easier. Less demands in your time, less friction over how to do things...

I'm hoping that's the case as it may be the only upside of no family and I don't have any either!

I found having one baby fine. I found having a baby and toddler very hard. (Second baby had a very different temperament from first and was a poor sleeper so was much harder) i enjoyed the primary school years and am enjoying the teenage years, so i guess it started off incredibly hard with a baby and toddler and has got easier as time has passed

It took us several years and a handful of miscarriages to get DD and I find being a parent much easier than the shit time I had trying to be one. She’s still a baby and we have a lot of stages ahead of us but so far I’ve found this the happiest, most relaxed, joyful and fun time of my life. Maternity leave is a lot easier than working and I’m dreading going back. No boredom or loneliness, I’m more self sufficient than I realised and enjoy my own and her company. DH is an excellent dad and our marriage has got stronger with having her.

The other element is that DH already had DC and while they’re wonderful kids and we’ve had a relatively easy ride, being a mum is, and will always be, a million times easier than being a step mum.

So compared to other things in my life, parenting a baby has been easy.

I was at work the other day and bumped into someone else on maternity leave with her third who immediately said “oh god, how are you, mum life is soooo hard isn’t it” and I don’t know what the right answer is? I went with “alright thanks, funny being back isn’t it”...

I've enjoyed every stage with mine, tbh, and never often felt like I wish I'd never bothered!

We were fairly strict about routines and bedtimes which we had to with 3 when they were younger, but it's been the most amazing journey watching them grow into adults. I've loved far more than I've hated. The early teenage years were probably the most challenging.

Twins, fairly chilled out babies, never had much issue.
They are nearly 15 & now I’ve decided I’m bored with this parenting lark. That said, they are good kids, but oh my god, the drama! Probably being at an all girl school doesn’t help though

I have a 33 year old and a 14 year old and yes parenting has been fairly easy.

DS 2 didnt sleep for the first year as he had severe Reflux to the point of heamatemesis and several hospital admissions, and the lack of sleep was the only thing I felt was tough, especially as I was a single parent. Though I have to say being a single parent to a baby wasn't as tough as you would think, due to it being just us two with no one else to have to think about. So say if I'd had a bad night and wnated to stay in bed till late, I could IYSWIM

I’ve found it pretty easy and mine are now both 20+ ,eldest has HFA and youngest has quite severe CFS . I put it down to having a very supportive dh , only working very pt , being someone who needs very little sleep and being a very laid back person in general . It’s obviously more stressful if you have to arrange childcare for the holidays , are short of money etc .

I don't find parenting hard tbh. Mine are 11 and 14 and have been pretty easygoing from babyhood onwards. The 14 yo has her moments, but is an angel compared with a lot of teens (I'm a teacher, so have known many!).

Tbh though, if I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't had children, I guess I'd have a level of freedom, autonomy and disposable income that I can barely imagine now. And my once quite promising career prospects would probably have continued to rise. I would have had more foreign holidays and considerably less housework. Oh and I probably wouldn't still be on medication for the high bp kicked off by pregnancy 11 years ago!

And that's just thinking about myself with my easy dc with no health or behaviour problems. Nobody can guarantee that's what they'll gets, so I'm not surprised many people are wary of deciding to have kids!

I've found it reasonably easy but feel lucky that I did. I left school and trained to be a nursery nurse, and that in itself made having a baby/toddler easier as I knew about nappies, routines, weaning, toilet training etc. It wasn't perfect but I definitely felt that I was lucky in that respect.

My DH is a high earner so I've been a SAHM for the entire time DS1 has been at school , and DS2 leaves primary this summer so I'll start getting back into something then. It's definitely helped with not having any childcare issues etc

Having said all that, I have felt out of my depth in parts. DS1 is just doing his GCSE's and I'm finding that all abit overwhelming!!

This thread is such a relief - I'm umming and ahhing over whether I want kids and keep reading all the "I hate it, it's the worst thing I've ever done, I wish I'd never had them" threads. They all seem to have a few things in common though:

2 or more kids
Deadbeat dad who does fuck all
Kids with health issues/SEN or kids who don't sleep
No help
Skint

So glad you have posted this OP!! I love being a parent and I had 2 under 2 and am a SAHM so with them 24/7 and a DH who works long hours.

Yes there are tough days where I'm exhausted but on the whole I really can't relate to many MNers here who say how difficult they find parenting I find it easy and a joy and much easier than going to work!

I think you’re not being fair on MN in general. Why are posters so confused that what is presented as a support site has people coming and posting with difficulties, and they don’t get lots of (what would be extremely unhelpful) “oh I found it all so easy and enjoyable” responses?

I don’t have a problem with people saying that, but IMO there are way too many threads bitterly criticising and complaining about children, stating they don’t want them and claiming without them they’d be living a life of financial luxury and freedom. Always the posters with at least two children, too.

It depends what bit of parenting you ask me about. If you’d have asked me when DD was a baby I’d have said it was hell, if you asked me today now DD is 9 I’d say it’s dead easy and a pleasure. I’m sure that will definitely not change at any point either (let me dream).

God no it's not easy. Whining, fighting with each other, crying, demanding, not sleeping, not eating.... Ex that contributed nothing. Not being ever able to go out as a single parent. No spare income. Not easy at all!

I have found parenting very hard. I had no idea. I too was a very easy child, so were both my brothers and my mum made it look easy. If I'd had known then what I know now, I wouldn't of. Ds1 has been the breaking of me. Ds2 is easy peasy!

Maybe you just had easy children?

I suppose you have to define hard? I have one DC and I haven’t found it that hard, most stuff is instinct I think all though my DD is healthy with no issues so that obviously helps. It was hard after a EMCS as it took me a while to recover. Lack of sleep is difficult but so is getting up for work at 4.30 like I did every morning for years.

Overall it’s brilliant, I never thought I’d have a DC so I always remind myself I’ve finally got what I wanted.

I think another thing that makes it easier, is having a partner who is on the same page with you. My DH and I parent very well together -- we agree on all the big things and are trust each other enough to compromise on the little things.

Having old teenagers can be tricky

Other than that, it’s mostly been easy

But I work in childcare so have a genuine passion for babies and children