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Starved snake

312 replies

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 20:37

For the second time my Dsis has neglected an animal to death and I only found out yesterday.

She's recently 18 and did have a snake that used to be my brothers til she took over it's care. I'd noticed she hadn't been feeding it much from lack of seeing defrosting mice, but I never go in her room where it was and have quite a hectic life, I did ask her way back September time are you feeding the snake is it still alive and she'd said yes of course

Yesterday my DB tells me that a few weeks ago he'd gone in there to see it and the smell was horrific, it had been dead for obviously quite a while and there were about 3 rotting mice where she'd put them in, feeding a dead snake?!!!

She has form for this when years and years ago she neglected a Guinea pig, sadly to it's death too. At that time I didn't visit the house much but I did notice and was having to clean it out and kept telling her to look after it but she didn't.

I've told her today that her actions are disgusting and illegal and she's never to own an animal again, if she does I'll report her. I honestly think it's an extreme case of laziness and irresponsibility

OP posts:
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:02

She talks to me like that whenever I pull her up on her behaviour or laziness

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YasssKween · 17/01/2020 22:07

With all due respect OP, your sister does have issues that need addressing, it's not normal to live in a room with rotting animals. No matter how messy it gets.

And yes she is 18 but if she isn't going to ask for support from anyone (family, friends or external services) then as her sister I would expect you to get the ball rolling on this.

It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility already and I get that you're probably running on empty without another thing to worry about. And it isnt fair that you're going to have to step up again and take on another issue. I do get that.

But there must be more going on with her than you realise because it is so, so, so unusual to live with dead animals in your room with the worst smell ever (as your DB said).

What she did is terrible and as an animal lover it makes me really sad. But this goes beyond lazy, she needs help. Her behaviour and boundaries are way out of the ordinary.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2020 22:08

With all due respect OP, your sister does have issues that need addressing, it's not normal to live in a room with rotting animals. No matter how messy it gets.

This with bells on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

BecauseReasons · 17/01/2020 22:10

Yours love

No, I did not say anything along the lines of, 'permit her to neglect more animals'. I said, 'Don't try and cause the one-time mistake of a teenager to become a legal issue that will follow her around for the rest of her life, ruining the progress you've sais she has been making, whilst asking her not to take on any more pets for the time being.' Totally different.

HTH.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:10

She has support for the social anxiety from the local service here, and as I said is doing well with a levels and planning for her gap year, I'm not sure what support she needs

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gypsywater · 17/01/2020 22:11

Bore off @BecauseReasons - this young woman needs firm boundaries and if this needs to come from the law then so be it. HTH you fuck.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:11

She said she was in denial apparently. That doesn't surprise me, she has no get up and go to see something like 'my snake has died' and then actually address the issue, she's just interested in watching videos on her phone every minute she's in the house

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WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 17/01/2020 22:11

Yes. What yass said. You and your family aren’t the right people to help her. You are all oblivious to the fact she needs support. Call SS and ask them to come and see her. You don’t need to be involved beyond that. Probably better if she deals with them herself.

Helpfullilly · 17/01/2020 22:11

I'm not saying you are responsible (you didn't starve it and it was not your snake), BUT: You knew she'd let an animal die the same way before, presumably as did DB. She doesn't feed the family dog and you knew would just leave it (as presumably did DB, again). You knew she didn't even seem capable of maintaining her OWN living environment or properly taking care of herself, as terrible smells were common from her room (apparently akin to that of rotting animals) and it's filthy...then, you saw signs she was not feeding the snake, and you smelt the corpse smell.

What other signs might you have been expecting that something might be or had gone wrong? What about your dynamics or aspects of your life that made you and DB over look the signs? I don't say that accusingly, I am sure there are reasons to do with how you all view each other ect.

It's not like there were no signs this might happen and she's never done anything like this before, though, and it's not come out of the blue. There were signs before she got the pet of where this might end. This was ignored or over looked by two older, apparently mentally healthy and sensible adults (you and DB), until it was too late.

Maybe you were too busy with your own life to see it, or intervene and only now looking back it is clear, but to just keep saying she was an adult so why would you have thought...? You've already told us why someone who knows her as well as you and DB might think she'd starve or had starved it. Otherwise, you would not think she starved it when it was discovered dead, would you?

I would worry about someone living that way looking after a pot plant, let alone an animal, and that's without all the back story of past animal neglect (the guinea pig and dog).

There is something wrong in the sibling dynamic here that you both seemed to think she was suitable to care for the snake without being checked up on, and are not worried about her own living conditions or how her upbringing might be affecting her, seeming to think you 'had it worse' so she can't have been as impacted or impacted in a different way, ans she's 18 now so must be capable due to age. You even sound a bit resentful of her, having apparently been more protected than you.

She should have never been given the snake by DB and someone should be asking what is going on with her, as there are signs she is struggling. It's not normal to be so lazy you live in that level of filth and mess, even without the neglect of her pet. This is more than laziness. I think you all need help and potentially counselling regarding your family dynamics, as well as directed specifically at her behaviour. It might help you and her with confronting her issues, and how you all feel about how you grew up.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:13

I'd like to note I've only been living back here again since last summer, which is after she took ownership of this snake, the dog does get fed as well just not by her

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WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 17/01/2020 22:13

I'm not sure what support she needs

She was living with 4 animal carcasses in her room and the other fully grown adults in her home didn’t even notice...

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:14

My DB visits very rarely, none of us go in her room ever, and the door is only open for her to go in or out

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AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2020 22:15

She’s not ok. She lost her mum at three - you had the benefit of your formative years with your mum. Your sister got a paid family friend and your mentally unstable father.

The callous anger you are showing her is shocking to me.

She can’t care for herself and she can’t care for animals. She’s not ok.

You need to grow up yourself and see things from her perspective for five minutes.

YasssKween · 17/01/2020 22:16

I don't know if it's something that they could help with as she is legally an adult now but is it worth talking to her school or college?

I appreciate due to data protection etc they may not be able to speak about an adult they are educating but I'd have thought they can maybe investigate safeguarding options / speak to her about counselling and MH services?

This is so far beyond normal and while she may well be doing well at school, something is really wrong and she needs support of some kind - I don't know exactly what form that would take but I think some expert external advice is needed.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:16

My DB had the snake here when he lived here and I didn't, he moved out and left the snake with her trusting she'd take care of it, I moved here last summer and at first would see the mice being defrosted etc, then I noticed it had stopped so I asked and was reassured by what she said and did, no I didn't see a mouse again but after being reassured it wasn't in my mind again and I was also out of the house a lot working long hours

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OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart · 17/01/2020 22:17

That’s a really sad thing that has happened.

However, your sister sounds really unwell.

Why did your brother give her the snake? Could he not be bothered caring for it himself?

It all sounds like an incredibly fucked up family dynamic.

It seems absolutely bizarre that you think she’s somehow had it easier than you.

It sounds like you’ve all had a horrible time, and that she has had very little guidance and emotional support, and you have always felt like the ‘responsible’ one, yes?

Is your sister the family scapegoat? (Clearly she shouldn’t have had this pet though.)

I’m sorry that you lost your mum, but you kind of lost your dad as well at the same time.

Helpfullilly · 17/01/2020 22:17

Okay, but you know now she's living it terrible conditions alongside the animal neglect. Something is clearly very wrong.

When are you planning an intervention with your sister regarding her wellbeing?

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:17

She didn't have to go through bereavement and then some serious issues at home that I won't go in to

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AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2020 22:18

She’s your snake OP.

She’s your guinea pig.

She needs care, not fury.

So will you care?

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:20

And even through all that I always cared for all of my animals, even my own guinea pigs that have moved home with me three times now, that i spend a fortune on caring for them, even when one of them recently had a tumour and I paid over £350 to remove it which most people wouldn't say a Guinea pig is worth that but she is to me

My point is that I don't think her problems or past is an excuse for what she's done

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WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 17/01/2020 22:20

Oh you’re horrible. This girl needs to get away from you. She’ll never be well whilst living with you.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:20

Iva cared for my pets through the depths of depression, pnd, ptsd, never not fed them

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Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:21

Your sister was a mere toddler when she lost her mum. That would have damaged her in all sorts of ways.

Just because you were also damaged by the loss of your mum, you cannot and must not deny that someone else (your sister) too would have suffered from the same event.

You sound quite selfish and lacking in empathy actually. And angry at your sister.

My mum lost her mum at 4. It most definitely shaped her in unfortunate ways.

This isn’t about you. It’s about her. Telling her she’s disgusting etc etc - how does that help? She knows that, I’m sure she does.

I feel sorry for her.

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:22

The rest of the house is clean because I clean it so her own conditions are self inflicted

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WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 17/01/2020 22:23

Urgh.

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