If your DH/DP died how would that affect you financially?

[Fantasisa]

DH has been diagnosed with cancer and we don't yet know what the outcome will be after treatment.

We have life insurance but incredibly stupidly we didn't change the policy when we moved house so it won't cover the mortgage where we currently live, it will cover about half. I think I could manage to pay the rest of the mortgage if he dies but it will be tight for me and the DC. He does have a pension, but I'm not sure what the terms of that are yet.

What plans do you have in place for if your DH/DP dies? Or if you die? I am very interested to hear what people, possibly those more organised than us, have done. I will probably get a better cover for myself now so at least that is in place for the DC's future while I am healthy.

@LoughNeagh Oh my goodness! I bet you wish you hadn't paid for yours and had paid for his.

Sorry to hear about your DH. I hope that he does well with treatment and all this ends up not being relevant to you.

I can also speak from experience - DH died suddenly and unexpectedly when our DCs were small (quite a long time ago now - they are grown up or nearly so). We didn't own property at the time (were living overseas and renting) but had substantial life insurance and wills in place, which meant that I could buy a house outright on returning to the UK and have enough to live on without working while the children were at school. If I had died, the insurance on my life would have been enough for DH to cover childcare and I think buy a property too.

When my sister's cancer became terminal, she (and her DH) negotiated with her employer to maximise the benefits her DH and children would get. I think this involved her being dismissed rather than resigning due to ill health or still being employed when she died, and a few other things - worth getting good advice on. It was not nice to have to deal with, as she ended up having a lot less time than expected and her DH was still sorting things out when she was in her final days, but again it has meant that he and the DCs are well provided for.

My message to anyone with children or a financially dependent partner is get life insurance and make sure you have a will. This applies whether you are married or not, but is even more important if not married as fewer benefits will come to you automatically.

The money does not in any way make up for losing a life partner and the DCs losing a parent, but it means that what is going to be a very tough time is not made even tougher by worrying about paying the mortgage and the bills, or having to earn more to compensate for the loss of a partner's income, at a time when your DCs need you around more not less.

Yes, but I know better now. My children will be alright with my insurance.
And I constantly warn friends, acquaintances... write a will, get life insurance.
I’m so sorry for the spouses who are left with no support.
I admire all those who have treated this thread as a wake up call.
As Dave Ramsey would say: Go get yourself or him some life insurance.

Fantasisa, I really hope your DH makes a film recovery.

DH has amazing death in service benefits, as well as the insurance policy we took out when we bought our first house. I would be fine financially, although I would need to consider downsizing, as I couldn’t run this house on my salary, even without the mortgage. If anything happened to me he would get my mirror insurance from our first house and my pension pots, which aren’t worth a great deal. However, he’d be more or less able to pay off the mortgage and that would mean he could stay in this house. We have occasionally talked about it - he had a little plan in his head for how it would work out.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery

We have a life insurance policy that would pay off the mortgage plus £30k-ish, my children aren’t grown ups but they’re not little either, DH is out of work so financially we’d be totally fine. Emotionally, probably not so great.

We each have life insurance for £1 million. Mortgage is currently around £380000.

I also have 20% shares in his company. Both me and his business partners wife would be looked after if the worst happened.

One other piece of advice which I hope will not be relevant: when my DSis knew her cancer was terminal, she and her DH made sure that all their bank accounts, savings, utility accounts etc were in joint names so that it all automatically transferred to her DH when she died, without waiting for probate. You hear horrible stories of people calling banks and phone companies after someone has died, and the customer service people insist on speaking to the account holder...

I was also very grateful that one of DH's main bank accounts was officially in joint names (even though it was only his earnings going into it) which carried me over the long and complicated process of going through probate.

The money does not in any way make up for losing a life partner and the DCs losing a parent, but it means that what is going to be a very tough time is not made even tougher by worrying about paying the mortgage and the bills, or having to earn more to compensate for the loss of a partner's income, at a time when your DCs need you around more not less.

This x100. It’s hard enough dealing with our loss, it’s a real blessing that we have no money worries and that our practical day to day material life stays the same.

@exexpat, thank you for the tips. They are helpful and I think one of the things that has hit me hard about DH's diagnosis is facing the fact that we are mortal which obviously I knew but death from illness always felt very far off in the future.

All of us should have these difficult conversations as early as we can with our spouses (when applicable).

I'm sorry to hear that OP, it must be such a hard time for you.

If anything happened to my OH I'd still be poor! We rent, I have two boys from previous marriage (another baby on the way), both on low wages working ft, and no savings between us! So no amount of insurance would change things really.

I'm sorry about your DH, I hope the treatment is effective .

I think I'd get £800 per month until the kids are 21, no mortgage. It doesn't cover his wages, things would be tight but ok.

He'd get more if I died, plus a £10k payout. It was set up a long time ago, but now he's older and had several health scares (50s) it would be too expensive to rearrange.

We both have life insurance ( decreasing term) to pay off the mortgage
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DH has an illness insurance that would.pay out a monthly payment if he gets.ill and he has deaths in service ( 2.5 times his salary is paid to his family.

I.also have critical.illness insurance that would.pay out a lump sum of £50, 000 if I or any of my children ( if under 18) is diagnosed with a terminal illness or some other serious illnesses . DH would.also get a death in service payment if I died.

DH and I are really risk averse and tbh are over insured really. I have been paying into a monthly critical illness policy since I was 30 ( am.55 now) so have paid them a fortunes..I started it because I was newly divorced and had only myself to rely on financially so worried about what would happen if I got I'll.

I also.used to pay an insurance to give me an income off £600 a month if I was made redundant ( which actually happened so I claimed for about 7 months .I still qualified for JSA so had both. I don't pay that any more though.

@RainMinusBow Sounds like it might be worth looking at a life insurance policy if you can stretch to it. Ours only costs £25 a month, although as I've said it will only pay out for half the mortgage where we are.

Sorry to hear what you're going through, I would get dh's death in service from work and life insurance so mortgage paid off. I'd have to work, which does worry me because my work is temporary and insecure, I also witnessed the effect being a young widow had on my dm and she wasn't able to return to work for a good year, I think she had ptsd from the suddeness and shock of the accident.

We'll definitely look into it when our first baby together arrives. No way I could pay the rent on my own, especially if I don't return ft after baby. I only earn £1000 pm and rent alone is £900.

Another one with experience of a DH dying young. I’m fine financially, and I’m taking a full year unpaid career break later this year. If you’re thinking ‘Oh, I could manage on my salary if the worst happened’ - please remember that the impact of this sort of bereavement on yourself and/or your children can be immense. I did end of life care at home alone and it was bloody hard. I’ve been so busy getting the kids the support they need, keeping the household running, working - that I’ve had no time at all for me. Because we had insurance, I’ll soon be able to have that time.

OP, I hope your DH makes a full and brilliant recovery and that you have shedloads of happy years together.

So Sorry to hear about your dh, hope treatment works for him

At the moment we’d both be screwed, no insurance other than dps work in service, which I seem to remember is really miserly-I know it’s generally 2-4times annual salary but I seem to remember his is not even that, maybe £10k?? I’m guessing employers can set it to whatever amount they want? But that 2-4times salary is the average.

Keep thinking about life insurance but haven’t had the spare money, we don’t own so don’t need to worry about a mortgage. I start a job soon though and one of the first things I’m thinking about is taking out a policy. I lost my best friend at 32 suddenly and 3 people I went to school with in the same year at school died in 2019 of bowel cancer, all at 34, so that’s really hit home how fragile life is.

Another reason I’ve been putting it off is smoking, dp has successfully given up 1yr ago now, I keep quitting for 3ms each yr and restarting, I must try again, although I played around with some figures for quotes and non smoking me only reduces the cost of the policy by £30 a month, enough I know but not as much as I anticipated (I’d be going for a hefty cover to insure whichever of us was left behind could buy a family home and be better off in the sense of not having to worry about monthly rent payments)

This thread has definitely brought it to the forefront of my mind again and as soon as I start I’ll get more info on the quote, in my thinking if we start straight away with my earnings we’ll not miss the monthly payment as we haven’t been used to the additional income for some time.

Does anyone know wether if you insure as a smoker, then quit, a year or however much down the line they reduce your monthly payment to reflect your lower risk?

I hope for the best for your DH, OP. Here's to good treatment options and a long and happy future ahead of you. It is truly sobering to read how many posters have experienced the worst case scenario. Very sad.

I am the main breadwinner so would be fine as far as money goes. No mortgage, only small life insurance for DH (by the time we could afford to pay for it he had a heart issue so could not get anything significant) and we are each other's beneficiaries for private pension pots. I'd probably starve within short order, as he does all of the food shopping and cooking. I also do not drive, so would probably sell up and move somewhere more walk-able - and smaller. Mostly, I would miss him horribly, but I'd survive.

If I go first, he'll do brilliantly as long as it happens while I am still working, at least from a financial standpoint. I have DIS of about 500k, as well as the same amount of life insurance. He'd also get my higher state pension, so no money worries moving forward.

Good wake up call though - I did do a quick review of the summaries of our policies. I am also now determined to actually finish our trust and wills. Thank you, OP.

@tunnocksreturns2019 I'm so sorry that your DH died and that you have, inevitably, borne the brunt of everything that goes with having a terminally ill partner. I'm pleased to hear your financial planning means you can take some much needed time to recuperate.

Dh would be fine if it were me, as he has just retired at 58; we own the house outright; he gets a very good occupational pension and has a fair whack to come from his last job as well. I have decreasing term insurqnce, and he would get widowers pension on both my occupational pensions, plus my lump sum.

If it were him, then I would get 50% of his pension (and be able to keep it if I remarried) and would get all of the fair whack coming his way soon. I would get his share of his inheritance from his Dad as well, plus I would inherit his expensive boys toys, which would net some income. I would have to go back to work, but could manage in the interim.

Pressed post too soon, I hope everything goes right for your dh OP

Dh has chronic health conditions so no life insurance worth a candle .... in work benefits only... worst case sell house and buy somewhere smaller cheaper...

Sorry to hear about your DH. Truthfully I'd have more money than I'd know what to do with and the children would also get £500k. As someone else mentioned though, I would rather my DH alive.