Stupid things people have said to you about your child with ASD.

[pinkytheunicorn]

Humour me. I'm growing a thicker skin and getting better at taking things on the chin. My DD is only three and a half and was diagnosed in the summer. She is autistic. Doesn't do a lot of the stereotypical things, she's like a little adult to speak to and struggles hugely with groups of peers, unfamiliar people and places etc. Her learning is off the scale and she loves to quote facts and 'do you remember when' things to familiar people. She is a little weird, bless her heart but she's my little weird one and I adore her.

I'm trying to look on the bright side (of peoples idiocy and ignorance not her diagnosis generally- it is what it is and we are doing our best to help now we know what we're dealing with) But four short months after diagnosis I've already heard some corkers. Some amuse me in a weird way, some hurt. I know some people think I'm a shit parent, and that I've made my daughter the way she is - not in a good way - and that stings.

So, come on share some of the stupid things people have said to you, so I can feel less alone and also like it could be worse!

So far, mine have been:

• Is she like that because you're a stay at home mum and she's never been put in childcare? You should have gone back to work
• If you stopped pandering to her she'd be less clingy she's not clingy, idiot
• No wonder she can't mix, you never took her to soft play/toddler groups because she hated them and would shake with terror you fuckwit
• She's spoilt and mollycoddled ^

-^ She's not got ASD surely, she's so clever, she's just shy/anxious

• Oh just bring her to the cinema/soft play/my house full of kids she'll be fine it's you that makes her anxious

Anyone got any to add??

I do not see him as disabled in anyway - life is hard for a lot of people because of a multitude of reasons, whether he has a happy and fulfilled life is not limited to this diagnosis

I think you may be having an open mouth insert foot day @Everythinghasabias Perhaps some reading around autism and disability may help as either you don't understand what autism and disabilities are or you're not expressing yourself well and coming across as offensive.

Autism is a disability, fact.
If your child needs extra help in any way where he's markedly different to his peers, you can apply for financial help called Disability Living Allowance to cover the cost of therapies etc.
Disabled people are capable of living fulfilled lives, fact.
Autism is a condition you are born with or not, you cannot be made autistic because of a diagnosis because to be diagnosed with autism you have to have it.
If you are autistic, you are autistic whether you have a diagnosis or not.
A diagnosis cannot make someone autistic or make someone disabled.
If you want help for an autistic person, they are much more likely to be offered it with a diagnosis than without.

Why do you think he will be limited by his diagnosis? It's changed nothing of his personality, how could it? All it can do is open doors to help for him that he wouldn't have access to without it.

FYI, his presentation will not always be how you see him today. As he grows, some of his traits will recede as he learns to tolerate or mask them and others that he's unable to mask will come to the fore. Don't go planning an imaginary future for him based on his current needs and presentations, they will change as he grows and deals with different demands.

if I now say to someone he’s has autism they have their own ‘label’ in their mind of what that means
Then do what the rest of parents of autistic kids do, educate them, don't agree with their prejudices, misconceptions and idiocy.

I've had some awful stuff said to me. I think the worst one was "Are you sure he is ASD because just about everyone seems to be autistic these days..."

Yeah right, DS screams in pain for half an hour if a camera flash goes off anywhere in his vicinity. He's 6 years old but can't hold a spontaneous conversation with peers. He lacks fine motor skills to hold a pen. He can't walk alternate strides down a set of stairs because his vestibular sense is completely out of whack. Don't fucking tell me I'm making this shit up you ignorant wanker....

Grrrr 😡

FYI: It's just other people that piss me off. For all his struggles, I know my DS is perfect just as he is ❤️❤️

@BlankTimes I agree with what you are saying -

Perhaps I am not expressing it clearly.

I agree he is the same person he has always been however now he has a diagnosis he can (hopefully) get more support.

He has a disability however this does not mean he cannot have a perfectly fulfilled life - many people who are ’Neurotypical’ don’t have fulfilled lives for a multitude of reasons.

He will be on the receiving end of prejudice however as this thread shows.

No one is saying your DS can't live a fulfilling life, the objection was to you saying that we are all on the spectrum.

"He can't be autistic - he makes eye contact, smiles and has a great sense of humour - look!"

Oh ok - but that that is my perception of human kind - of what I consider ‘the spectrum’ to be.

My point of view does not make anyone less diagnosed than they are or in need of less help.

Until reading this I was not aware this was a stupid point of view to have.

'We are all on the spectrum'

No we are not because the very nature of the 'autistic spectrum' means you have to be autistic to be on it.

If diabetes, arthritis, epilepsy etc were measured on a spectrum as they affect people differently not a single person would be saying well are all a little bit on the 'arthritis spectrum' or the 'diabetic spectrum'

PE teacher who I had words with after her ignoring my son trying to give her a note to say he couldn’t do PE.”well if he is to nervous to talk to me....” to which I replied “nervous he has autism a social, communication disorder nerves don’t come into it” she back tracked very quickly.
Also I’ve had what traits does he have he must be high functioning as he doesn’t look it
He is 11 and was diagnosed 2.5 months ago as primary school refused to listen to me as he seemed “fine” didn’t matter he was over 2 yrs.behind in learning, often had social issues, wouldn’t talk to staff thel list is endless