Stupid things people have said to you about your child with ASD.

[pinkytheunicorn]

Humour me. I'm growing a thicker skin and getting better at taking things on the chin. My DD is only three and a half and was diagnosed in the summer. She is autistic. Doesn't do a lot of the stereotypical things, she's like a little adult to speak to and struggles hugely with groups of peers, unfamiliar people and places etc. Her learning is off the scale and she loves to quote facts and 'do you remember when' things to familiar people. She is a little weird, bless her heart but she's my little weird one and I adore her.

I'm trying to look on the bright side (of peoples idiocy and ignorance not her diagnosis generally- it is what it is and we are doing our best to help now we know what we're dealing with) But four short months after diagnosis I've already heard some corkers. Some amuse me in a weird way, some hurt. I know some people think I'm a shit parent, and that I've made my daughter the way she is - not in a good way - and that stings.

So, come on share some of the stupid things people have said to you, so I can feel less alone and also like it could be worse!

So far, mine have been:

• Is she like that because you're a stay at home mum and she's never been put in childcare? You should have gone back to work
• If you stopped pandering to her she'd be less clingy she's not clingy, idiot
• No wonder she can't mix, you never took her to soft play/toddler groups because she hated them and would shake with terror you fuckwit
• She's spoilt and mollycoddled ^

-^ She's not got ASD surely, she's so clever, she's just shy/anxious

• Oh just bring her to the cinema/soft play/my house full of kids she'll be fine it's you that makes her anxious

Anyone got any to add??

We have been rather lucky in that no one doubts she’s autistic because she’s far enough on the spectrum for it to be quite evident.

Early twenties here, diagnosed as autistic at a very young age but I can recall this being said to me by a nurse! (I was eighteen at the time and in A&E)

Nurse: “So, yes... autism. How long have you had that?”
Me: “Sorry, could you elaborate?”
Nurse: “Since birth?”
Me: “Well, yes...”

He must just have very mild autism then because he seems ok!

I wish that person could see the screaming meltdowns every day. The times he attacks us. Lying in the mud because he doesn't want to leave the park. Plus all the other crap we deal with every single day.

The 'best' one I had was from my mum on my sons ASD diagnosis, she asked how we could ''fix' him???? Wtaf when I very calmly explained that there was nothing to fix as there was nothing 'wrong' with him, his brain was simply wired differently, she suggested brain surgery to 'fix' him !!!!!!!!!!!

Ah and the girls don’t have ADHD one, what a belter. This is the exact reason why I’m now awaiting assessment.

Dd is very self aware, always has been but is currently working with her university to help improve provision for young people with asd, even there some of the staff don't understand that people with autism look "normal"

Did she think you caught it from somewhere, @FordPrefect42 ?!

My experience from uni too. 🙁

I think she might’ve been of the impression one can acquire it like a traumatic brain injury, @pinkytheunicorn !

I do think most comments are because people don't understand. But not because they don't want to. I think threads like this make people more distant to disabled kids because you get ripped for trying. No one knows if they dont have a kid like yours. For some it's bridging the gap between trying at all or just looking away and ignoring other kids because they are too scared of getting grief from saying the wrong thing

" Will he grow out of it?" Err no...

The one that raises my hackles and makes me grit my teeth...
“...she’s an only child, of course she finds other children scary...”
AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH ☄️⚡️🔥!!!!
It makes no difference to point out DD has been in a childminders since she was 1 and nursery since she was 3. It just sounds like a defence if I say that. I have perfected my “mmhmm” to the right FFS tone....

I’ve got a good one from the health visitor about DS with ASC “ Have you tried hummus?” Makes me laugh actually!

Such a timely post for me OP. DS11 was diagnosed (privately) with ASD a few weeks back. DS 13 diagnosed in August by CAMHS.

Met with school today to discuss recommendations in his diagnostic report. I was asked by the head whether I "believe" the private diagnosis (with a patronising head tilt), that DS isn't "autistic enough" for the specialist provision that was recommended by the CP as he "isn't as autistic as the other the other ASD children", that "we're all abit autistic" and dismissed his sensory issues (loud noises and not wanting to change into PE kit) as him not liking PE. Even with a diagnosis we are not believed .

Whats worse is that his school is a local ASD "hub" and even they seem to think of high functioning ASD as "mild autism". This is after DS has spent most of his schooling either being excluded illegally or in a PRU from age 6 as they couldn't control his meltdowns and mutism. He has been terribly affected by his ASD but it's still easier for school to blame my parenting and him being "naughty".

I'm sorry other parents have to suffer through this fuckwittery too

"What's his special talent?" I usually answer picking his nose whilst playing Minecraft....

From parents in the playground who asked my sons teacher ‘can he be moved from our children as we don’t want them to catch his Aspergers. Complaints were made to the head about him needing extra support. Interestingly before he got his official diagnosis nobody seemed to mind or notice as he ‘never looked autistic’. Was also told that as a teacher you wouldn’t think my son would be autistic. Honestly, I’ve heard it all! We moved schools!

"We're all a little bit autistic".... no ...no we're really not. If we were then the world would be SO much more accepting of our children.

Plus a diagnosis is bloody hard to get and takes several years in some cases.... so PLEASE don't diminish the diagnosis by saying "we all have it".....

This one really makes my teeth itch

I found out as a teenager that a mate’s mum was asking him to stop playing with me in primary as she thought he was catching Aspergers off me. 😕

It's really about time you brought him along, he needs to start to catch up!

Class teacher announced “He’s just a manipulative child who knows which buttons to press!” How insightful........NOT!

I have had many. A handful of school parents
telling us, usually on a night out, that dd will be fine and we are worrying about nothing.

OT doing a home risk assessment, “you’re lucky you don’t have a child that needs to go to special school and cannot regulate themselves”😔 said while completing a form saying DD would be at high risk of death if she ran away from home (she was 9 and starting to run away from home).

Oh MIL - dd doesn’t have autism, you need to just let her choose her duvet cover 🙄 all day have chosen their own clothes etc since they chose their own pants when they started potty training.

You must be a special person to have been given these challenges and chosen to be DC parent’ yes Ive heard similar - only those with shoulders big enough to bear it have asd children. So the need for respite care is completely false then?

Oh itd like iphone and android isnt it? Well no because my android has exactly the same functions as an iphone and works perfectly.

• she'll grow out of it
• she doesn't look autistic
• but my child also does x, y, z
• everyone's a bit autistic
• don't let her manipulate you
• i wouldn't want my child labelled.