Londoners - don't be so scared of interacting with other people!

[backinthebox]

I had a proper wtf moment yesterday.

We went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, me, DH and DCs 12 and 9. We do love a good roller coaster. We didn't know which rides we were going to go and and being a bank holiday it was quite busy, so rather than by tokens at each ride we bought a stack of them. We had a great time and when we'd been on everything we wanted to we had 6 tokens (£6 worth) left. We needed to go and get our train so thought we would give them away on our way out. The tokens are valid for all rides, so could have been used on anything from a child's carousel to a roller coaster.

We approached a family who had just arrived and asked them if they had just got here and did they want our unused tokens. The woman just stared at us, shook her head, put her arms around her children and herded them off without a word. Oh, we thought. Weird. So we approached a young couple we had just seen entering WW, and offered the tokens to them. They looked at us and gabbled 'we don't need them' then scuttled away. The kids were bemused by this. Not being deterred, I watched another family with children arriving and took DD to offer the tokens. I assumed a family would not be going to Winter Wonderland with kids for the drinking, so a few ride tokens would be on their list of things to buy. They didn't make eye contact and mumbled 'we'll buy our own.' By this point we definitely needed to be heading off for our train so we set out across Hyde Park. We saw a pair of blokes, one on the phone saying '.... see you inside in a minute...' I asked them if they were going in to Winter Wonderland and they looked at me - one nodded and the other shook his head at the same time. I get it that it was dark, but we were a family of 4 with kids, so hardly axe murderer material!

Eventually we managed to give them to a couple heading that way. The woman said thanks, but held them between forefinger and thumb and passed them instantly to her partner as if they were going to explode.

My DH (who works in London) and my kids (who only go into London for theatre and museum trips) were so amused by our inability to give money away that we decided after the first 3 rebuffs that we would carry on till we managed to give them away. It took 5 goes, and everyone looked at us as though we had 2 heads.

It's no big deal, but this exact attitude was what caused me to move out of London nearly 20 years ago and not look back. I've lived in various northern cities and travel extensively round other major cities around the world with work, and nowhere has the 'we don't talk to strangers' attitude quite like London. It was the busiest and loneliest place I've ever been. It's weird, and a bit sad.

The way to tell people from London is we always put an 'i love London' t shirt on when we go to tourist attractions, so we can spot each other.

@deathraystare However, London is awash with free tickets for the Ideal Home exhibition - does anybody actually buy them? - which is why
you'd have trouble giving them away.

Yes Katy, very true but a lady and her friend were about to queue and pay for tickets. Actually though I don't think they were Londoners like my friend and I, not that it matters. We weren't offended, they may not quite have understood and thought we were ticket touts or something.

"What defines a tourist - someone who has to travel a longer distance to something or someone who has to travel a longer time to something?"

blimey. Definitely can't say "Bridge & tunnel folk" to you! Although I daresay that's probably not allowed in New York any more either...

Katy "Quite often have a spare free theatre/cinema ticket and people are so suspicious when I offer them"

how do you offer these around, please?

However it is definitely coming across as though you are talking about outsiders, people not from round here, people who are 'not like us' in a not particularly positive way

You mean the way you are talking about Londoners OP? The reason people are being defensive is because you are posting offensive sweeping generalisations. It's weird and a bit sad.

If everyone you interact with finds your behaviour odd then maybe you need to consider that you were coming across oddly.

Fraggling sorry, it's just that people seem to put up obstacles when there don't need to be any.

I'm a Londoner, I take DS2 for Father Christmas and DD for the ice skating. We also really love the food. I might also be partial to a glühwein or 3

I would expect lots of people at WW actually aren't Londoners. And even if they were, it's possible that they haven't been before and so are confused by being offered tokens. When I was a child I remember my parents often giving their travel cards to people at the tube station near our house after we'd been on a day out, and no one ever acted strangely, so I don't think this is the norm.

I was treated like shit on a night out by someone I have spent a lot of time trying to forget. And the person who saved my sanity and self woth that night?
A black cab driver.
Offered to go back and kick seven shades of shit out of him for me. Alternatively, he knew a couple of lads happy to help.
On my own in a little cafe newbie to london. Probably looked it. About 19byears old.
The lady kept giving me cups of tea and toast as she saw how most I looked and she didnt want me wandering about like a plank. I went back a few more times and she let me linger about checking out the newspaper for jobs.
Been helped more than hindered here and can I add, helped out too when needed.
Off you fuck love.

“Off you fuck love.“ In the same paragraph as ‘we are welcoming sorts, honest!’

Interesting that it’s not just me that can’t give stuff away. I just genuinely thought that it was much nicer to give someone the tokens for a free go on a ride than to throw it away. I return for the expression of that surprise I’ve been told to fuck off, crawl up my own arse, go back to where I came from, stay away and keep outside the M25, all while at the same time being told what a friendly bunch Londoners actually are and it was probably other people (tourists) who were being suspicious of me because, going by some posts, real Londoners have been brought up not to look people in the eye and enjoy not having to interact or make small talk with people around them, and are certainly not going to give directions to a group of pesky tourists because they asked in the wrong way.

@MrsTerryPratchett ‘It's interesting you pointed out that you're a naice family of four. I wonder if people of colour, Europeans, women wearing hijabs, young people... find London more or less welcome and friendly than the norm.‘ I don’t know, why don’t you ask some? I work with all of the groups of people you describe every day in one of the most diverse workplaces in the UK. They’ve all got different opinions on stuff and almost certainly don’t like to be lumped into one group just so someone can play the diversity card to make a veiled implication.

They’ve all got different opinions on stuff and almost certainly don’t like to be lumped into one group

Read your thread title.

I return for the expression of that surprise I’ve been told to fuck off, crawl up my own arse, go back to where I came from, stay away and keep outside the M25, all while at the same time being told what a friendly bunch Londoners actually are

Thing is I've also lived in Liverpool, an incredibly friendly city. Try walking into a pub there and telling people that Liverpudlians need to do x. They would be significantly less friendly about it than the average. In fact any city. Glaswegians should do y. Mancunians need to try z. The reception would be less than stellar.

Just such a weird thing to start a thread about. You seem oddly invested and bizarrely argumentative when it was pointed out that you were probably wrong about them being Londoners and even if you weren't not everyone from the same place acts the same way...

How strange.

“Off you fuck love.“ In the same paragraph as ‘we are welcoming sorts, honest!’

Yes, welcoming sorts, not frigging doormats.

How welcome do you think you'd be anywhere in the world, if you spoke about the local people like you have here?

@AutumnRose1 I use 'Bridge and tunnel' to describe non Londoners as a joke, as I used to live in Manhattan and it largely stuck.

In seriousness, I love hearing that people are coming to my home city and enjoying themselves. I'm proud of my home and I'm glad people want to visit.

@backinthebox you've not commented on my (not rude) very reasonable explanation for why people are wary of scams? It is a shame that tokens and tickets go to waste but once bitten, twice shy and all of that.

Maybe they thought you were after something in return? In my experience,there are so many people in London who are begging,trying to sell you something,or trying to get you to sign up to a charity. Or pickpockets who operate distraction techniques (i.e. you distract them by offering them something while someone else picks their pocket/ bag). I'm not casting any aspersions on you,OP,but people have become naturally wary.

Dreaming yay!

I must admit, that was a cheeky game of "spot the New Yorker" as I used to spend a lot of time there and thanks to New Yorkers for teaching me that phrase.

Yup sorry OP its definitely how you offered

On Monday dp and I took the DC to Princess Diana park in Kensington. Theres a whole long involved story related to the DC believing the locked treasure chest containing chocolate coins that I won't go into and entirely blame DP for but it resulted in us convincing the DC they had found gold chocolate coins in the park by the treasure chest.

Now this was a borderline military operation to drop them so that other children didn't see it (because seriously we only had two bags worth and there would have been a riot of tiny dictators demanding a sugar high that would definitely get us lynched by the other parents) and we nearly pulled it off....nearly

The drop had gone well, convincing ds1 he had to wish upon a totem carving helped and ds2 tendency to run like a headless chicken drawn by the concept of any sort of slide and we were nearly at mission complete.

Until....another child saw my DC running away exclaiming they had found treasure and , smart girl, clocked it was chocolate at ten paces. She yelled to her hapless , confused and increasingly terrified because he clearly wasn't going to be able to produce chocolate treasure that they had to find it too.

Dp seeing and sympathising with the look of panic , confusion and wondering why the hell any of us go to parks....quietly nodded at him and slipped him some spare chocolate coins.

Now DP has never been a drug dealer but damn if he doesn't have the ability to be , slipping them into the guys hand. Man for a moment looked terrified then realisation dawned and he very impressively redirected his children to one view while he dropped them on the floor to be discovered while DP and I unspeakingly operated as a visual barrier from the other hordes of children to prevent a riot as we had run out.

Wife comes over , clocks the situation (faster than the man I have to say ) and mouthed thank you at me. Happy little girls and 4 children now who believe treasure is real.

Yes yes pearl clutches our DC know not to ever pick something up without our permission.

So frankly that's how my DP literally operated the same way as a drug deal in a London park , just replacing them with chocolate coins. Everyone happy , no Londoners are not miserable even in that situation.

And yes we are ex Londoners as well , worked central London during the finsbury park attack etc, I sent carers to help in the temporary shelters after grenfell, it's nothing to do with risk level , I know that better than most. It's how you approach people.

Although categorically not suggesting you try to deal them chocolate coins....I grant you that could have gone horribly wrong.

Err sorry for the essay !

“Thing is I've also lived in Liverpool, an incredibly friendly city.”

I’ve lived in Liverpool too, and Manchester since you mention it (as well as London, each one for several years so I’m not just basing my thoughts on one afternoon.) Different sorts of places altogether. Much more welcoming. And that was during the time of the IRA bombings in Warrington and Manchester when they had every right to be suspicious of all sorts.

I totally agree with you OP, I visited once as a tourist and hated the attitude, even of customer service staff etc. Have to go every now and again for work and still hate it. People are so ignorant and judgemental imo.

Maybe address my actual point, which was that they wouldn't respond well to being slagged off either.

I’m not scared of interacting with people; I just don’t want to.

I understand their reluctance to a point, as there are lots of weird scams / distraction thefts in London tourist areas and I think a lot of people are on their guard. It’s a shame though. I remember when we took DS to Chessington when he was a baby. I’d brought an extra 2 for 1 voucher with me as it was expiring soon. There was a couple in front of us in the queue to pay who had a baby a similar age to us and asked - v nicely! - if they wanted it. The man looked aghast and shut us down but the woman was lovely and wanted the voucher. In the end they were both delighted and very thankful as it saved them £50! But I think that people are often wary of unsolicited offers.

Yep, we’re not big on taking stuff from strangers. Handy with a narwhal tusk, though.

Look at what you are writing! The overwhelming opinion is 'get back to your little rest-of-anywhere-outside-the-M25, you rude outsider! We would never be as rude as you are, you ignorant province-dweller!' You are actually being rude in not saying you would be rude.

To be fair, you described them and their city as weird and sad. What were you hoping for? Gratitude and love? As you’ve found, it’s best to judge not lest ye be judged....

Fucking love my home town. Best city in the world. We’re a friendly, welcoming bunch but we’re streetwise and can spot a bad ‘un giving off a superior vibe

I’ve had people help me, I’ve helped people, I’ve laughed with strangers, guided folks lost on the tube, petted strangers dogs, chatted to inquisitive children, directed people to the hidden parts of our best museums and passed on a Travelcard (back in the day).

We’re not great if people dawdle at the end of the tube escalator or by the barriers but that’s because there’s a risk to life and limb in such circumstance.

OP, do come back to the Capital, we’re bereft without you.