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Original poster

Does your dh know what the dc’s have got for Christmas?

142 replies

ShinyNewNameTimeAgain · 23/12/2019 07:28

Because I’ve just realised dh has neither asked me what they’re getting, whether they’re wrapped, no idea what’s going to be from Santa or what’s going to be from us. He hasn’t asked if I’ve got all the food in that we need or asked about booze or puddings or anything.

This isn’t normal is it? His parents are staying so he will be assuming I have also bought and wrapped they’re presents as well as getting their favourite drinks and snacks in.

I’ve spent weeks sorting this out and feel like a bit of a mug.

OP posts:
Natsku · 23/12/2019 12:07

He doesn't know everything they are getting. He knows the presents that he bought them (and the ones he bought on behalf of FIL and his grandma) and the ones we talked about before I bought them but not the rest. My OH definitely does far far less than me in preparation for Christmas, partly because I prefer it that way, and partly because he doesn't think about all the work that goes into it but I made him do more this year, mostly cleaning the house, and next year we'll discuss a more even split of the work if he's off work again over Christmas.

You are definitely being taken for a mug in regards to his parents presents and snacks etc. I would tell him, after Christmas, that next year he must take responsibility for getting presents for his parents and preparing for their visit if they visit again next year, and that you will be choosing the childrens' presents together, at least partly.

Bubblysqueak · 23/12/2019 12:27

Mine knows because he will be wrapping all of them ! I can't wrap, I make a complete mess of it, so he wraps while I prep veg!

Original poster
ShinyNewNameTimeAgain · 23/12/2019 12:33

I suspected as much. Dh’s excuse is that he works away Monday to Friday and that I’m naturally better at this kind of thing Confused. He seemed really suprised that I even asked if he was interested in knowing what the kids/ his parents have got.

It’s not even as if he buys me anything nice. Last year I got a Harry Potter light up wand. I do like Harry Potter but why the hell would that make him think I wanted a kids toy?

OP posts:

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Christmas Events & celebrations
CosmoK · 23/12/2019 12:36

Telling you you're naturally better at this sort of thing is just misogynistic bullshit. It's not a talent.
I'd be going on strike if I were you.

CosmoK · 23/12/2019 12:38

And if he's working away so much he probably has more time as he's not having to also look after the kids during the week.

CFlemingSmith · 23/12/2019 12:40

My husband has NO IDEA and has not wrapped a single one. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I quite enjoy the buying and wrapping

AreWeAnywhereNear · 23/12/2019 12:50

DH has no idea about any presents, I literally do it all Hmm

I buy, I wrap, I write the cards, he does live on another planet half the time, I blame his mother. The DSs are brilliant and rip the piss out of their Dad for his uselessness. He makes up for it in other ways otherwise I'd have lost it long ago.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 23/12/2019 12:54

Absolutely. We sat up together with a bottle of wine and did 80% of it online in front of the telly. I offer to help plan for the ILs and get if more convenient ie if I'm in the right part of town and he isn't.

I do coordinate the food though, as I am the one cooking and happy to do so.

Dementedmagpie · 23/12/2019 12:55

I mentioned to DH that I do 99% of christmas prep, so he went out and got the kids a book each without looking at any of their wish lists/letters to Santa "because he felt bad about not buying them a present" ever . He has come back with a book that DD read several years ago and has since donated to a charity shop!!😂😂

Houseinafield · 23/12/2019 13:02

Look up ‘women’s mental load’ on Google - you’re bearing all of it, and it’s a shitload at this time of year particularly. It’s not fair, and it can get really wearing. You probably need a good chat about it with your DH, and start prioritising yourself and your self care more....easier said than done, but you matter!

BlueSkyAtChristmas · 23/12/2019 13:04

I did all the planning buying and wrapping . I discussed it with him, most of the presents were ‘signed off’ by him before I bought them. I do all the research and present him with options and he chooses what we go for. We do this with everything- home decor, holidays, meal planning. I do get a bit exasperated at times with the amount of time it takes me. However if it were left to him then we’d spend 3 x the amount probably and he’d buy stuff not as good and probably be a bit stressed out and moany. So I prefer the way we do it. He probably doesn’t remember what most of the presents are tbh as I wrapped them all!

In his defence, he does all the cooking and a lot of extra childcare (but I am at work!) he’s also always around for deliveries and hanging washing out etc as he works from home. He also spent an hour putting together DC new bike for Christmas - something that would send me into a flap. Plus I never put the bins out or even think about it. So I love him for that.

I actually have a lot of control in our relationship over how money is spent and what we do. If I were him I wouldn’t like that, but he doesn’t seem to care. He insists I’ve got great taste and patience to seek out the best value gifts/ holidays/ homewares whatever. He hates shopping. My dad is the same.

BaggaChips · 23/12/2019 13:04

DH knows I've bought all the kids presents and wrapped them plus bought all the Xmas food, he doesn't know what any of it is though!

However we did agree this as he works FT and I work PT so I have had more time to prep (kids school age) plus he has his own Xmas jobs- buy the meat, wine and the Xmas presents for his (huge) side of the family plus do the tree as I hate going that.

We play to our strengths!

CosmoK · 23/12/2019 13:10

The phrase 'playing to our strengths' seems like a cop out and an excuse for one person not to pull their weight.

These aren't strengths, or talents ... they're preferences and choices and lots you appear to have husband's who are choosing to opt out of certain jobs. It's not because they can't do it it's because they choose not to.

Playing to our strengths my arse .....more like I can't be arsed or I'm too important.

ssd · 23/12/2019 13:22

Dh would do it if he had too, but he'd spend more, and as we're so tight for money I can't have that

HoldMyLobster · 23/12/2019 13:23

Dh’s excuse is that he works away Monday to Friday and that I’m naturally better at this kind of thing.

My husband works away a lot. He also just got back last night from a 5-day trip abroad and is about to go to work and try to fit 2 weeks' work into 2 days.

He bought most of the children's Christmas presents. He also set up a Google sheet listing ideas that I used for when I shopped. He found a secondhand drumset for DS, brought it to our house and hid it, ordered new skins for it, and will be putting them on on Dec 24th after work.

Isn't that just what parents do?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/12/2019 13:24

Yes he knows. Our dc birthdays are in this last quarter of the year so we each add little bits to the bag then split it in half before birthday- we always do thus together.

He has also taken each dc out seperatley to choose a little something for me and a little something for their sibling.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/12/2019 13:25

Oh and last night while I cooked dinner he wrapped all the gifts for our families.

That just leaves the kids gifts so one or both of us will do them tonight

wheresmymojo · 23/12/2019 13:26

We don't have DC but DH sorted half of the presents for his parents out, I sorted the other half.

He would have done it all had I asked but I like to do it as then I get cash back from Quidco.

I also sent him out to get a couple of last minute things for my parents.

Food wise we are going to his parents but are taking some bits so we'll both go to Waitrose tomorrow together.

I've made it very clear that when we do have DC he'll be expected to do his fair share (50%!)

wheresmymojo · 23/12/2019 13:29

What is this the 1950's? DH (despite having one of those 'important/high flying' jobs that seems to make the men of Mumsnet incapable of domestic chores) knows exactly whose got what.

Important comment here from a PP. It's funny how women that have one of those important/high flying jobs are still^ capable of doing their fair share of domestic duties but men aren't Hmm

ChanChanChan · 23/12/2019 13:31

My DH also works M-F, and I'm a SAHM (so "all the time in the world"! Not.)

Anyway, we decide together and split the present buying, depending on who has time / is going where etc. Food wise, he has just texted to say he's picked up our Christmas roast (during his lunch hour), but the supermarket doesn't have some things, could I have a look pls?

It's definitely a joint operation in our household - no way would I want to do all the present buying & wrapping, all the thinking and organising. For me, that would be tantamount to a partner saying "I really don't care about you, or the kids".

Sorry, you have a useless husband.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/12/2019 13:33

DH approximately knows what they are getting, if not the exact details. For example he knows they have a few books, but not the titles. He found some stocking bits independently.

I wrapped everything while he sorted stuff for our holiday.

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 23/12/2019 13:34

@Bluewavescrashing that sounds lovely, but you do see that he is getting the present as well as you - so it doesn't sound like you are getting extra due to all your hard work! take me instead for example to make the point Grin

justdoityourself · 23/12/2019 13:37

Does he heck. But don't get me started on what I think about him/Christmas at the moment!

Aebj · 23/12/2019 13:38

My boys are 14 & 16 so easier to plan for !!! Discussed with dh what we were getting. He got them , I’m wrapping them.
He’s done the food shop as I’ve been working . He even got a bottle of baileys , just for me😃. I’m not letting him go anywhere 😂

lazylinguist · 23/12/2019 13:40

Only because I've told him. He gets the presents for all his side of the family and I get them for mine and for our dc. Doesn't bother me in the slightest that I'm in charge of the dc's presents tbh. He does plenty, and on the one occasion we've hosted Christmas, he did the food shop and all of the cooking.

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