Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does your dh know what the dc’s have got for Christmas?

142 replies

ShinyNewNameTimeAgain · 23/12/2019 07:28

Because I’ve just realised dh has neither asked me what they’re getting, whether they’re wrapped, no idea what’s going to be from Santa or what’s going to be from us. He hasn’t asked if I’ve got all the food in that we need or asked about booze or puddings or anything.

This isn’t normal is it? His parents are staying so he will be assuming I have also bought and wrapped they’re presents as well as getting their favourite drinks and snacks in.

I’ve spent weeks sorting this out and feel like a bit of a mug.

OP posts:
hettie · 23/12/2019 08:06

What is this the 1950's? DH (despite having one of those 'important/high flying' jobs that seems to make the men of Mumsnet incapable of domestic chores) knows exactly whose got what. We planned it together, divied up who was getting what and then sorted out all the others Xmas tasks. He has made a pudding for Xmas Eve, (knew it needed doing, chose something, bought ingredients and made it) hoovered the house and likely bought me a thoughtful present that I'll actually like ... Why are you with this useless cockwwomble Confused . None of this shit is hard is it, it's just basic living skills. My 9 year old can wrap a present for god's sake.

Parker231 · 23/12/2019 08:07

Of course DH knows what we have bought the DC’s for Christmas, he’s their father. He’s knows what they like and are interested in. He buys the presents for his family and I do mine and DC’s are done together.

Why aren’t your DH’s involved in your DC’s lives?

fruitpastille · 23/12/2019 08:08

Under the tree presents are all discussed together although I buy most. Dh did drive an extra hour after work on Friday to go to a far away argos for one hard to source item. Stocking fillers are pretty much done by me as they are just little things that I buy when I see something. However I work part time and the kids are at school so I have more time to do it. I buy the food but dh cooks Christmas dinner and he wrapped most of the kids stuff last night. Neither of us is that into Christmas but want it to be a nice day for everyone especially the children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
Mamsnetter2020 · 23/12/2019 08:09

Only the eldest’s main present because it’s technology & I needed a bit of help setting it up. Oh and he built one of the youngest’s yesterday. Apart from those 2 things he has no idea, I sent him a list of some ideas probably around October time & when I mention anything off it he can’t remember.

Kelsoooo · 23/12/2019 08:10

DH knows everything we've got the kids.

He asked what my aunty had got them, and I only know one of those because she asked my permission (it's a weird noisy instruments thing)

He booked the table for lunch.

He wrapped half, I wrapped half.

He even helped me arrange his mother's (he's no contact, I facilitate contact for the kids)

And he bought the original present for my mother's partner (we exchanged it because we found something we thought was better)

For a man that grew up without Christmas , who doesn't really like it (mess, he doesn't have the happy memories etc) he really works to be an Equal participant. And you know, writing that down has just made me fall a bit more in love with him. It really crystallised how hard he works at it for me.

DCIRozHuntley · 23/12/2019 08:11

I do much of the Christmas food planning and send cards to DH's family, as well as sorting out Christmassy days and nights out. However, DH has done a lot of the collecting from Argos and wrapped nearly everything for the DC (as I'm pretty rubbish at that), as well as a couple of really crap time-consuming jobs (making a photo book for each DC, unpacking the big shop). Jobs don't have to be shared exactly down the middle but the split should be fair. It sounds like this could be symptomatic of bigger issues?

There's a thread called something like "Christmas is just a load of extra Wifework" which might resonate.

motortroll · 23/12/2019 08:12

My dh bought all our kids main presents. I bought stocking fillers. He doesn't know what's in their stockings. He has wrapped some of the presents but I've wrapped most. He bought his brothers present and his dads and my dads. I bought my mum, his mum and sil and their kids.

He cooks Xmas dinner and did food shop this year. (Usually together) I clean the house. This year I had to clear my daughters room and prep for guests (took me bloody hours!!)

I probably do more as we have all our kids bdays around Xmas too and do teachers and club teachers presents, sch Xmas stuff and carry on with kids daily activities too plus work 3 days. But he sounds much more involved than your dh!!

Seaandsand83 · 23/12/2019 08:13

It's a suprise for my husband as much as it is for the children on Christmas morning 🙄 But then he works full time and I'm part-time so it's easier for me to do it.

ssd · 23/12/2019 08:14

No not a clue and hasn't asked

NataliaOsipova · 23/12/2019 08:15

Mine has no idea. That said, he hates Christmas, so it wouldn’t be done how I want it done if it were left to him, so it’s much easier just to do it. He went and got a Christmas tree, which I’d have struggled to do because of the size of it.

Bizarrely, it’s more fun watching the kids open their presents when he doesn’t know what is in them as there’s another genuinely interested participant in the process!

AnotherEmma · 23/12/2019 08:15

This thread is fucking depressing
Not hugely surprising, but depressing

HeyMac · 23/12/2019 08:15

Can you just ask him today what he's getting his parents and see his reaction?

SecondTimeCharm · 23/12/2019 08:16

Of course he knows, and he especially is aware of what will be ‘from Father Christmas’ because he helped DD1 write her letter to FC and then went and bought what she asked for! He also bought all the gifts for his side of the family and discussed with me what I was getting for mine. We also discussed together what should be DD2 birthday (today Grin) gift or Christmas gift after going through what I’ve been squirrelling always for her.

We did the Christmas shop together too.

I am a SAHM and he works extremely hard and long hours as he runs his own company, but it’s important to him to be involved in his children’s lives

Thecomfortador · 23/12/2019 08:16

Yes we've both bought presents and wrapped them together yesterday. He's more interested in shopping for the older one so I've had to look out for the younger one a bit and make sure he has not been left out. But it's worked out finr. I now have to buy stuff for wider family members today (I'm working all day) and tomorrow, not sure why it's fallen to me but then he can't complain if they all get a packet of smart price biscuits each.

Rankellior · 23/12/2019 08:17

He does because we discuss big presents, and we both pick up small bits. We also wrap presents together (normally we take a child each) has always been that way since we both work pretty much FT and share all other household and child stuff 50:50 so all wrapping etc has to get done at night when we’re both home.

IggyAce · 23/12/2019 08:18

My dh has ordered the majority of the dcs presents I have wrapped them all.
He cooks Christmas dinner, he cooks the majority of the time as he enjoys it.
As I type he is currently at the supermarket getting the final food bits before we head out for the day.

Waitingforadulthood · 23/12/2019 08:18

My dh knows but I bought it all and have wrapped it all and will cook on the day.

We shopped for food yesterday together.

I am happy with this- I don't mind doing all the work, I largely enjoy it, but what I would mind is if he wasn't engaged at all. How does your dh not know what you've got? What plans you've made? That suggests that the two of you don't talk. And that he takes what you do somewhat for granted. Dh asks me about my day, asks what I've been wrapping, says "ooo I saw a shopkins set that dc would love should I buy it?" And so on. He thanks me and appreciates all I do.

thisisthetime · 23/12/2019 08:20

It's a surprise to my dh. He doesn't get overly involved in Christmas present buying but I enjoy the planning and prep more and I'm better at it and I only work 2 days. It annoys me sometimes but then I remember all the things he is great at including housework, doing his fair share of bringing up the kids, and all the diy and other jobs that I don't help him with at all and I think it all works out evenly enough in the end. On Christmas Day he will sort out all the recycling and rubbish, build toys and play with the kids, tidy up and wash up after lunch. After Christmas he will take the tree to the tip, hoover up the trail of pines, put everything back in the loft. It depends what he's like at pulling his weight with everything else I think.

CosmoK · 23/12/2019 08:22

Yes he does. We chatted about what to get him both sourced them from various places. He's also bought all the presents for his family, posted cards and did all the cards for the neighbours.
We're hosting his family this year so has done most of the food shopping.
I'll cook but that's because I really enjoy it but he'll help prep and will clean up.

I think you need a stern word with your DH and you need to stop doing everything.

Skinnychip · 23/12/2019 08:27

My DH is as surprised as the DC when they open their presents. They are teen/tween. Occasionally he has helped me wrap presents but makes such hard work of it, it's barely any help

InsertFunnyUsername · 23/12/2019 08:28

Yes he chose DC presents and he sorted my DF and DFs partner Blush I did my sibling and closest friend. He will wrap all the DC and il do the rest, he likes getting it done early so theyve been sitting in our wardrobes for over a month all prepared!

My DF was like your husband OP. We would be opening our presents tagged "from mum and dad" knowing he had absolutely no clue what was inside.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/12/2019 08:29

Yeah, as a single working mum who manages to do it and run a household on my own, I don't buy this "too busy with work" excuse.

BloodyCats · 23/12/2019 08:30

He bought the big presents for our children but doesn’t know about the smaller presents I’ve bought. I don’t think that’s a problem though, it’s been 50/50 in terms of effort so far.

Squigean · 23/12/2019 08:30

Yes, he bought most of them. Same with the food.

I tend to do the bulk of our children's wrapping though - he takes them to church on Christmas eve and I use that time, as the best area - ample space - is the kitchen table so having no one in the house is best.

His wrapping is shocking though, improved over the years mind - when I first met him being handed a present in the bag it was bought in was the norm. Now he mostly uses gift bags - this, in fact, might be a more environmentally friendly mention as gift bags are generally last year's ones reused.

QueenAnneBoleyn · 23/12/2019 08:32

DH knows what I’ve bought for our DD but only because I’ve shown him prior to wrapping them. I’ve just got on with it this year as I HATE last minute Christmas shopping and if I left any of it to him it would all be done on Christmas Eve. Same goes for the fresh food shop. Saying that he did arrange a delivery for all the drinks / snacks.
Prior to this year I would also run around and buy the presents for stepdaughters 14 and 16 but last year I was on the receiving end of some ungrateful comments from them about their presents that had me on the verge of tears so this year I’ve left him to crack on with that by himself. Not sure how far along he is with that. 🤷🏼‍♀️