Does your dh know what the dc’s have got for Christmas?

[ShinyNewNameTimeAgain]

Because I’ve just realised dh has neither asked me what they’re getting, whether they’re wrapped, no idea what’s going to be from Santa or what’s going to be from us. He hasn’t asked if I’ve got all the food in that we need or asked about booze or puddings or anything.

This isn’t normal is it? His parents are staying so he will be assuming I have also bought and wrapped they’re presents as well as getting their favourite drinks and snacks in.

I’ve spent weeks sorting this out and feel like a bit of a mug.

XH hadn't a clue. His total contribution to Christmas every year was 'don't spend too much money'. No input as to food or presents or housework or anything, despite my increasingly desperate attempts to get him to help (I was very very ill one year, confined to bed. Had to get up and drive 30 miles to nearest town and do a Supermarket Sweep style shop two days before Christmas. Kids got some VERY odd presents that year).

Just one reason he's an ex.

My dh has no clue either but will cook on Christmas Day

Yes ofc, we bought some together and discussed most of them (although I did pick up a couple extra in the argos sale) and then wrapped them all together.

Yes. He organised it all this year. They are all old enough to say what they want though.

I am going to go shopping in a little while to get them some surprise presents though. He will know what I have got when we wrap them.

DH bought our sons main present which is a bike, he doesn't know what I got our baby for his present from us (he doesn't think a baby needs a present so I just got him something small). DH chose some of the items from Santa and left me to buy the rest which he hasn't seen or asked about. I wrapped everything as DH is very disorganised and leaves all his wrapping until Christmas Eve. I can sit back now knowing it's all done.

Yes...we both put ideas into the amazon basket and decided what to get (not all of it came from amazon but their Black Friday deals were good for the stuff we wanted this year) lego and lol’s were reduced quite a bit.

I’ve had a few WhatsApp’s with things that he’s seen in shops and picked up for their stockings.

We also spent an entire morning wrapping all the presents after we’d dropped the kids at school.

Why wouldn’t he have helped? He’s their dad, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t!

He also ordered and picked up the food from the butchers...braved M&S with me to get the veg and puddings.

He will help me with the prep tomorrow but I will end up doing most of the cooking 🤷‍♀️

This is not going to sound feminist in any way but it works for us:

I do all the Christmas wife work. Shopping for all presents including his family, ordering food, wrapping, organising school stuff like nativity costumes, tickets, donations for Christmas fair etc. I also organise birthday parties for the DCs (winter birthdays), cakes, party bags, presents for all birthdays in fact including his family.

He chooses and buys the tree (I decorate it) puts the outdoor lights up and cooks if we are hosting (not this year).

As I do the vast majority of the work he gets me an extra special present. 2 years ago: diamond ring. Last year: very expensive equipment for my hobby. This year: a minibreak to Prague.

I don't mind doing the wife work, it gets done how I want, he does what he's good at. Win win.

However if I didn't like doing it I would make it more equal.

Blueweeks who did you take to Prague with you?

DH. Child free trip with grandparents babysitting. We haven't gone yet but it's booked for the spring.

Yep my DH does. We discussed together what to get our oldest and when I was utterly stumped for our youngest DH went out and found her something himself (weeks ago no less!).

Yes of course he knows what presents his OWN dc are getting for Christmas!

Why? Because he is there father and actually has an interest in his children

Oh OP sorry to be blunt but he is taking you for a mug.

Me and DH sat down and did the present list together. Keeping track of who was having what and what we'd already bought/ still needed to get etc. This included him picking gifts for some of my side and vis versa.

Has your DH done anything to prep for Christmas?

You can be very interested in your children and a hands on parent but not know or care what they are getting.

My DH isn't into stuff at all. One reason why I arrange all the presents. He just isn't fussed about presents. Doesn't want any himself really either,hence the holiday as our gift to each other.

He spends far more time playing with the DCs than I do, takes them to the park loads, cooks with them, takes them to activities etc.

My dh doesn’t either but it’s not because he’s an arse, he works long hours and we also have a low key Christmas where it’s just a couple of gifts for our dcs then a big family get together.
He’s doing some food though.

My ex would wait until I had bought and wrapped the presents from both of us and then swoop in with the latest games console or expensive bike "from Dad only" basically the more money he could throw at it, the better.

It seemed like he didn't see us as a couple. Eventually, after much other behaviour like that I decided that was enough and we stopped being a couple.

Nope not a clue probably better that he doesn't know exactly how much I've spent but he has done the food shopping and might cook

Honestly, I think you are. My DH helped me get some of the kids presents, and we discussed the food list prior to making it. I'm sorry, think you need to give him a kick up the arse. Dont do anything for his parents, if he asks why just say are you not capable then?

DH does the kids main presents (with discussion). I do stockings, kids other presents, my family and his presents (without discussion ). He does his family and me.
This year has been the first he's been around to help and he's really excited.

Food wise I order and plan it all. I'm cooking today (he's at work) and he'll get told what he needs to peel tomorrow .

No children but he knows everything everyone is getting as we chose together and he has also bought and wrapped some gifts for me which will be a lovely surprise. I did the food shop and will be cooking on the day but he will do all of the prep and washing up, plus making sure everyone has drinks on the day. He also deals with the Christmas tree lights as they are the only thing that makes me lose my temper. He also did a lot of the great Christmas clean this weekend too. He is fab and does loads.

I had a useless partner before and one of the reasons I ditched him was his refusal to acknowledge the mental load and his expectation that his family had a lovely christmas with no input at all from him. My father was like that too, he hated Christmas and would spend most of the day in his room ignoring us all. He never knew what presents we had and didn't contribute financially or in any other way - I still don't know why mum wrote his name on the presents or made us wait every year in the hope he might come downstairs to see us open them- she always gave up around 10am. I swore my children would never have a Christmas like that.

I’m sorry but I think this doesn’t just highlight the shit husbands but actually they are shit fathers too. The men who don’t know and haven’t asked - they know it’s Christmas. Therefore they must have enough sense to know the children will want presents. Are they not interested enough to want to know what their kids want/need?

We aren’t exactly an even household domestically, but DH is interested enough to know what the kids want and we work together - if he sees things either of them want he’ll pick it up and we work out the ordering/getting of the big presents.

I understand that there is usually a division of labour (eg. I have prepared and will cook all the food - we food shop together). But men who rock up on Christmas Day not knowing how it all happened and whose got what presents including his own family. The same man then sits around while the wife cooks his dinner - how does anyone think that’s ok? it’s not just being busy that’s an all out lack of participation in family life. Any woman facilitating that shouldn’t be happy about it.

Well, I only work mornings, and dh has one of those high stress,long hours jobs. But yes, he knows and was involved in the conversations about gifts. (Plus popped into a book shop in his lunch hour and bought a few extra books for each dc).

The dcs wrote lists, we sat with a glass of wine and amazon/John Lewis /argos websites open and went through what we were getting them (plus dc1s birthday is over thr festive period so we have to think about what's for christmas and what's for birthday).

He doesn't normally get involved with the stockings gifts, although I have shown him what I've got for them.

Hes told me what hes got his parents. I wasnt involved at all.

I booked the online food order, and did the bulk of thinking/adding to the basket. He did have look over it and add a few things he wanted. I made him write the card to his mum and his aunt as they know his handwriting.

Basically, have a busy full time job means he cant really do the rushing round picking things up, but that doesn't mean he cant be involved in the thinking.

I had a conversation with my father yesterday how Christmas was much easier when he was in work - he would come home and get drunk and that would be it, now he’s retired & my mother actually asks him to do stuff he doesn’t like it!

My dad wouldn't have any clue, but surely times have changed?

I do more of the Christmas stuff, but DH knows what the kids are getting - we discuss it and he orders/buys some of the presents though I do most.
He does cards and presents for his side of the family and we have discussed food - I ordered it, he received and put it away.
Similarly we have discussed and chosen Christmas outings together but I bought the tickets.

I'd say we have a 70/30 split in Christmas work (he would probably say 60/40) but he is certainly aware of everything going on!

My (D)H has never had any idea what anyone is getting. I do it all - presents, food, decorations, cleaning, etc., mainly for the children (who are now grown and back home for a while). This included buying his work presents. This year I have just sent him links for these and left him to sort those out.

It is utterly exhausting, and every year I get the same from him approaching Christmas - 'Is there some way we can make dinner simpler' - it is already the simplest I can make it other than not having Christmas Dinner!

He does precisely nothing. I do, however, refuse to send cards on his behalf to his friends and family. I did get very fed up when the children were younger, depositing their stockings in their rooms having waited till they were safely asleep-often 1-2am when he had been snoring away for hours. The children have always loved their Christmas, which has been reward enough, but H has never been at all appreciative.

We were the complete opposite.

My husband does all the present buying and has bought all the Christmas Food etc.

I couldn't tell you what the kids have under the tree.