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Original poster

Does your dh know what the dc’s have got for Christmas?

142 replies

ShinyNewNameTimeAgain · 23/12/2019 07:28

Because I’ve just realised dh has neither asked me what they’re getting, whether they’re wrapped, no idea what’s going to be from Santa or what’s going to be from us. He hasn’t asked if I’ve got all the food in that we need or asked about booze or puddings or anything.

This isn’t normal is it? His parents are staying so he will be assuming I have also bought and wrapped they’re presents as well as getting their favourite drinks and snacks in.

I’ve spent weeks sorting this out and feel like a bit of a mug.

OP posts:
Inittowinit2020 · 23/12/2019 08:34

Dh compiled the present spreadsheet. I changed bits and added bits and physically shopped for them. This is because I was part time so saw it as my responsibility. We sat and wrapped the lot together, so he does know.

Tbh he's the one that will prep and cook the dinner most likely, so it's not completely 50s housewife.

When I did moan about doing the shopping, he did ask exactly how far I had to travel to Amazon. Cheeky bastard.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 23/12/2019 08:36

It’s wouldn’t be normal in our house, no, we work as a team. We both sat down, with the list they’d made an our own ideas & decided what they were getting. Then he ordered 90% of it. The other 10% we bought when we were out together. He hasn’t wrapped any of it because I prefer to wrap it when the 2yo is napping & the older 4 are at school/he’s at work. He wrapped all the family/friends presents. The food shop was delivered yesterday & Dh put it away & he’s currently fetching the bits we need from the farm shop. I’ll do food prep tomorrow, as he’s at work, when he gets home he’s going to take the dc for a walk around the village to see the Christmas lights so that I can have an hours peace. I cook Christmas lunch because I enjoy cooking roasts.

Can you sit him down before Christmas 2020 & tell him that he needs to be more involved?

Squigean · 23/12/2019 08:37

*"same with the food" = he knows what's there - combination of some stuff bought by me, some by him and then 'big' shop done together.

Our children have no clue about the food, as far as they are concerned. Which means my children are like the OP's husband - well except they are aware of presents for others having been involved in thinking of and buying items.

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QueenAnneBoleyn · 23/12/2019 08:40

When I did moan about doing the shopping, he did ask exactly how far I had to travel to Amazon. Cheeky bastard.

😆🤣

Sharkyfan · 23/12/2019 08:42

I’m in the same boat as you OP Sad
And it’s one of many reasons why I am considering my options and have been thinking about separating or at least going to counselling.
He works long hours, he is normally not here for bedtime but he is off work at the moment and last night made frustrated noises about the kids being too noisy so he couldn’t hear his TV programme but made no move or effort to take them to bed and expects me to do it all.
It fucks me right off and I’ve had enough.
I’ve been mega stressed trying to fit in getting all the 3 DCs their presents plus our godchildren and he just assumes it willl get done.

Elbeagle · 23/12/2019 08:42

I’m a SAHM and DH commutes 3 hours a day to London.
He is fully involved in the present choosing/buying process for the DC. He has sorted MIL, FIL, SIL and BIL. I have done the majority of my family (more of them!) but he did sort the gift for my dad. I’ve done friends/god children.

Elbeagle · 23/12/2019 08:42

Oh and he’s currently in Sainsbury’s doing the food shop! I’m about to go to the farm shop to pick up the pre ordered meat.

moanyhole · 23/12/2019 08:47

He has no clue what the kids are getting from santa but he did all the presents for my side of the family and his side so. I think OP it depends on how he is otherwise

Lipperfromchipper · 23/12/2019 08:56

Yes because we discussed them before they were purchased, he actually bought DS’s main toy and a few stocking fillers by himself. He actually cooks the Christmas dinner too...he gave me a list and I did the shopping while he was at work!! He’s a keeper for sure!!!!

joffreyscoffees · 23/12/2019 08:56

Yes, DH and I mainly built the list together and have both bought things from it as and when we've seen good prices.

Poetryinaction · 23/12/2019 08:58

Yes he does. Our money is shared so we discuss it all. And we have views on what we want them to have (no tech/ not too much plastic etc)

Fantail · 23/12/2019 08:59

ExDH and I discuss main present (bike this year) and Santa gifts. We give each other a heads up on other things so as to avoid double ups.

ExDH likes to do show parent so would buy things for that effect. His Mum also demands to know what DD would like in October.

While we are divorced I still do most of the facilitation of DD’s activities. ExDH fails to realise there’s a calendar on his phone sometimes.

It’s frustrating.

CuckooCuckooClock · 23/12/2019 09:01

Dh is purposefully kept in the dark. I spoil the dc and he’d probably get them 1 present each worth about £5 if it was up to him.

Somebodystired · 23/12/2019 09:06

We are somewhere in the middle.

The boys (10 and 3) have quite a lot of presents and I dont think I could name all of them off the top of my head. I've bought about 70% of the, DH has bought the rest. We don't necessarily decide together what to get them, just show each other when it arrives. He buys for MIL and doesnr expect input from me. I've done all the wrapping for the childrens presents, because I keep them at MILs and love having an afternoon there in the days before Christmas completely childfree whilst MIL and I drink mulled wine together and do all of our wrapping.

Food wise I have done the online order because planning Christmas food is a hobby of mine 🙈 but we decided together what we are having and before the order was finalised last night we went through it to make sure nothing was missed.

MrsTumbletap · 23/12/2019 09:06

I bought all the presents he didn't buy any, we laughed about how he knows none of DS's presents.

BUT will prep and cook everything, he will lay the table and do a lot of the cleaning as we are hosting for his large family.

I hate cooking and cleaning, I would much rather search for top trump cards and joke books and know it will make my DS's little face light up, I have the better end of the deal in my opinion.

hettie · 23/12/2019 09:16

Ok.... so help me understand why would those of you with a dh who doesn't contribute to the work of getting presents/food etc put up with this?? You can't all believe this is wifework (and that men aren't capable)? Surely not (please tell me not)...

nutcrackersweet · 23/12/2019 09:16

Oh I'd be sad if my dh didn't know. We bought the stuff together. I did a lot of coaxing what dd wanted out of her but we decided together, I bought 'Santa' stuff alone but I have more time to androgen me and dh wrapped together.

However every year I'm the mug that buys his family presents and this year the I. Laws are coming to us so I put it foot down and said you sort your own family out, well MIL still hasn't got a present and I'm trying to hold fast. I really really don't want to go through a Christmas Day with oh your ds didn't get you anything and she will blame me anyway but I'm not doing it anymore!

nutcrackersweet · 23/12/2019 09:17

And then not androgen whatever that is...

greenlynx · 23/12/2019 09:17

Yes, we’ve discussed all presents and did shopping together (including mine but I’m ok with this as we just do token presents for each other). We did ‘travel to Amazon’ quite a lot but the items DD wanted were quite specific.
The food was planned by all 3 of us. He will also do some last minutes shopping tomorrow.

MrsTumbletap · 23/12/2019 09:18

He will also sort all the rubbish, go to the tip, clean again on Boxing Day for the next batch of family etc. I will then do the food.

So I don't think knowing what the presents are, means you are a better person or parent and the DHs are lazy or 'not involved', it about the labor of Christmas being fair, not the same, equity not equality.

Kensie · 23/12/2019 09:21

We sat together for a good hour and picked out presents to order online. I did the wrapping (because he's shit at it) and we went to town again yesterday to do last minute bits for friends/family. We discussed Christmas dinner together and sorted that, and he told me some specific things he wanted to buy for the Christmas food shop so we have a list of everything we need until the end of the year.

I find it incredibly strange that your DH just isn't interested what so ever. Does he still believe in Santa or is he just completely useless, ignorant and lazy?

katmarie · 23/12/2019 09:23

Dh and I chose the kids presents, his sisters, and my family's all together. In fact he came up with what to get for my impossible to buy for mother. I ordered or picked up most of them and wrapped them, but I'm on mat leave and hes working 60 hour weeks at the moment so seemed fair. We've also planned all of the food together, and he will do the majority of the cooking over the holiday. We enjoy doing this stuff together. I was with someone for years who seemed to hate Christmas and it's so much nicer having someone who wants to share it all.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 23/12/2019 09:24

That sounds bizarre to me. DH and I have bought most of DS (2.5) presents together over the last month or two. He's also ordered some things on Amazon like books (we discussed them) and each of us have picked up the odd stocking present as we see things. He's bought gifts for me and sorts his own family. This year, he's also bought most of the food and will cook as I'm heavily pregnant and recovering from an operation. He's also done all the wrapping although normally we'd share. For context, we both work FT. I wouldn't be impressed if he didn't do his share - as it is, he's doing way more this year. But then I am growing our twins so fair division of labour!!

champagneplanet · 23/12/2019 09:24

Mine does. I done the bulk of the actual shopping but he has collected a lot of the reserved stuff whilst i've been in work and he's been off. We talked about DD1s main present before I went and found a good deal. I've bought her stocking fillers, showed him last night while we were wrapping.

I like to do the bulk of it so I know it's done but I do expect him to help out when needed.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 23/12/2019 09:27

He found out when we wrapped them together the other night.He bought some separately but hadn't seen what I'd bought ds.

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