Christmas things that can just fuck off already

[PsychoSyd]

1. Cards with glitter on. When you open them and a cascade of glitter falls out. I've just hoovered up the last fucking lot for fucks sake! Fuck off!

1. The endless fucking cleaning & tidying. I'm hosting on Christmas Day and have to work tomorrow and Monday, so I decided to get a head start on making the house slightly more presentable. Every time I tidy something away, I find another fucking mess to clean and/or tidy. Fuck off!

1. Next door are having a pre Christmas get together with some of their family and they're having roast beef. How do I know this? I can smell it. It smells fucking gorgeous. Unless I can have some too, just fuck off with your pre Christmas roast.

Anyone else? I have plenty of fuck offs for all

wrapping presents. It's the best thing about having older children who generously offer are bribed to wrap their siblings gifts.

All of the loud, loud noise, busyness and flashing lights. My two year old DS hates it. All the places he’s used to have been like Blackpool illuminations since November and he’s so overwhelmed. Took him out of our local transport museum screaming with his hands over his ears yesterday because they’ve set up a massive fuck off fairground outside. His sleep and behaviour have gone to pot.

I love a bit of jollity as much as anyone but does it need to be so mental? I like a cozy wee Christmas.

Tried to wrap 5yo DS's presents last night but he was still coming downstairs "because I can't sleep" at 10pm!!

odd one but these 'cadet' clubs offering to pack your shopping (for money of course) that actually just stand in the way chatting because its a service no one needs. Well they jumped on us earlier and we where the only one in the queue so they could clearly see what where where buying... so what needed their expert packing skills you may wonder?

a thing of tictacs
a small jar of instant hot chocolate
and a giant teddy

Yes please help us pack 2 things that will fit in our pockets and something that no supermarket bag is big enough for.

I occasionally vacuum instead of hoover because that's what my Southern DH calls it.

Oh no. You don't get to blame "vacuuming" on the south (along with all the rest of the world's evils). I'm southern born and bred. I hoover. Actually I lie. DH (also southern) hoovers.

Ugh. Packing all the Santa shit and trekking for hours on public transport to the in laws. That can fuck right off!

the naughty elf. So irritating that he's been banned from our house from bad behaviour before he even set foot through the door.

FUCK OFF ELF ON THE PISSING SHELF!!!

*odd one but these 'cadet' clubs offering to pack your shopping (for money of course) that actually just stand in the way chatting"

I hate these, had one the other day. No thanks mate, I've got a system and I don't want your two seven year olds chucking my food about with their germy hands. And you're also getting on my tits because you're in the way and holding the fucking job up trying to chat the till girl up. "I'll pay you but don't touch anything!" Was what I said, in a slightly mental way. 🤦

Ugh. Packing all the Santa shit and trekking for hours on public transport to the in laws. That can fuck right off!

I travelled across the country by train one Christmas to my then BF’s family (now DH) with my cockatiel in her cage (covered with a blanket to avoid draughts etc) on the table in front of me. DH met me at Paddington for the Tube/trek across London thankfully. It probably wouldn’t be allowed nowadays.

I have been off work since October with severe depression. Seem Crisis Team , Seeing a Psychiatrist, The last bloody thing on earth I feel like is putting up Christmas decorations., and yet my mother has kept on to me for the last week asking if I have my tree up! I am 56, my grown up children could not care less, if I had a physical illness would I be expected to be all chipper and decorate my house?!

Getting paid yesterday instead of next Thur can fuck right off as I have managed to spend 300e on shit that I didn't know I needed until I discovered the.money in my account.

I hoover and I'm Irish.

Just did an experiment. Daughters boyfriend is sat here waiting for her, so I said ‘Do you think the carpet looks dirty?’. He looked a bit surprised because he was in the middle of telling me about his lizard, but he replied ‘No, but I can hoover if you want’. Bless him! Anyway he’s from Berkshire.

^^

Haha this made me laugh for some reason

Also, not sure who upthread mentioned the sharp edge cutty thing on those sellotape rolls but the bastard thing has left my thumb raw I've wrapped so many frigging presents.

I do actually feel like I'm getting sick - throat is sore etc so I maybe ill for Christmas, who knows.

P. S. I Dyson and I'm a posh fucker

I’ve only ever heard it called hoovering. Also sellotape
Sellotape does pick up the crud, true, but it's bastarding slow work

Fucking fully grown women with fucking reindeer antlers on their heads. At work. Just fuck off.

Elf I bloody hate Elf and it seems like I'm the only person as half my FB feed has people saying they have watched it for the 50th time and how "christmassy" it makes them feel.

Christmas jumper day I work in a school that has 7 of them.

Oh and I say hoovering and I'm from Surrey.

Haha to ‘grown women with reindeer anthers ....’ and tinsel and baubles and then they come over to moan about something or other and they look even more ridiculous.

I’m so pleased that we have no relatives nearby because my childhood Christmases in Ireland were tainted by having to see relatives that were , at best, boring and , at worse, cold and judgemental.

Fucking fully grown women with fucking reindeer antlers on their heads. At work. Just fuck off. Do they have the choice? I bet some of them don't.

On Boxing day I once saw a man in a motorway service area, cleaning tables, with reindeer antlers on. He didn't look full of Christmas cheer.

Where I work we do have a choice. It’s a secondary school. Can’t tell you how stupid one HOD looked telling off a group of kids while his Jingle bell hat shook!

The blooming Christmas holidays! So difficult pleasing everyone from the little madam who refuses to eat anything apart of chocolate, the nasty teen who looks at utter disgust at all the things we have prepared for them, or the other teen who needs to be cajoled out of bed as if he was in his death bed. They are in upstairs complaining the room stinks when they have refused to shower in 3 days!

@wanderings:

They have a choice in my workplace.

I have revolutionised the Christmas wrapping horror. I liberated an ancient sellotape dispenser from work that was probably made in the 1930s and weighs as much as a small car, so it never moved or tips over. I only ever buy top quality, branded Sellotape and John Lewis wrapping paper. And finally if a gift looks even remotely tricky to wrap it goes in a gift bag, no ifs or buts.

We are remarkably on track this year apart from the house looking like a tip, but thats normal.

However DS who is 21 and has learning disabilities is totally overexcited and driving me mad. If I ask him to do anything I am being told that I'm stressed. Im not but I will be if he keeps this up sor teondays!!!

StCharlotte I like Southerners, I married one. No evils blaming here.