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Christmas things that can just fuck off already

145 replies

PsychoSyd · 21/12/2019 14:11

  1. Cards with glitter on. When you open them and a cascade of glitter falls out. I've just hoovered up the last fucking lot for fucks sake! Fuck off!
  1. The endless fucking cleaning & tidying. I'm hosting on Christmas Day and have to work tomorrow and Monday, so I decided to get a head start on making the house slightly more presentable. Every time I tidy something away, I find another fucking mess to clean and/or tidy. Fuck off!
  1. Next door are having a pre Christmas get together with some of their family and they're having roast beef. How do I know this? I can smell it. It smells fucking gorgeous. Unless I can have some too, just fuck off with your pre Christmas roast.

Anyone else? I have plenty of fuck offs for all Xmas Grin

OP posts:
thinkfast · 22/12/2019 09:55

Overexcited children.

I CANNOT get even dressed or get anything done in peace. The 4 year old has been shouting "mummy" incessantly for the past 10 minutes and tripping everyone up. Putting their crap everywhere and refusing to pick it up. Angry

happycamper11 · 22/12/2019 09:59

Yes the cleaning, why is there so much more mess generated and he more you tidy it, it seems to come back even worse.. like it's multiplying! Also I'm Scottish and we definitely Hoover here rather than vacuum 😆

blueirises · 22/12/2019 10:40

Equanimitas, have you found anywhere to get the refills for the hand dispenser, apart from Amazon at £15 for two??!! Because I agree with you, it's genius. But I've got a horrible feeling it's been discontinued.

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Streamingbannersofdawn · 22/12/2019 10:49

Cleaning the whole house in time for Christmas
People who refuse to arrange their visit and turn up randomly
Wrapping
Parents who don't appreciate all the hard work we put into making homemade cards and presents for them and label it shite. Well your child had a good time...your fucking welcome.

BentNeckLady · 22/12/2019 10:54

You all need one of these. I got one last year and it changed my life. There’s even a space behind the sellotape for scissors and a pen!

The thought that I need to tidy my house at some point is the things that is doing my head in.

Christmas things that can just fuck off already
roisinagusniamh · 22/12/2019 10:54

Christmas jumpers on every fat/thin/average twat in the land!
Could you make yourselves look any thicker please?

TheElfFellOffTheShelf · 22/12/2019 11:25

My husband's snoring can fuck off. It's much, much worse than normal and nothing I try to either shut him up or to drown out the sound works. I've spent the last few nights failing to sleep on the settee. Last night, he went out so I used the opportunity to go to bed early, put earplugs in and go to sleep before he came in but the fucker must have leapt into bed from the bastard doorway going by how much the bed wobbled when I he got in and it woke me up. Then, within five minutes, he sounded like he was revving a motorbike engine right next to my head. I gave up at 4 a.m. and went downstairs. It was 7.30 before he finally got up, stfu and I could get some sleep. But he's out again now so I had to get up again at 10.

In short, my husband can fuck off this Christmas, along with his snoring and his volunteering commitments: if we want to do anything as a family we have to fit it around the shifts and meetings and training that he fucking chooses to do. Either that or I take the children my sodding self again.

boatyardblues · 22/12/2019 11:31

DH on phone currently with rellies who are staying next week. There is debate about whether they are well enough to come as planned because they’ve been ill. I have a £45 turkey in the fridge and have spent the last day & a half prepping everything. 😩

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/12/2019 11:42

Wrapping
Cleaning
Extended family

Things that can stay
Nice food
Wine
Immediate family (in small doses)
No work for almost a week

VenusTiger · 22/12/2019 11:43

@TSSDNCOP I did the same about 15 yrs ago Grin but karma came along and someone (still don’t know who) nicked it! Was a proper heavy one like yours too.

Poinsettias I love - they hate cold droughts, and I see so many people leaving the shop with them just in their trolley!! Hmm the shop assistants should be trained, they need to be wrapped up in bags and not left in the cold! When I see them in shop doorways, I sigh!

VenusTiger · 22/12/2019 11:44
  • Draught bloody spell check!
Armi · 22/12/2019 11:57

Ahem - ‘vacuuming’ is technically correct, as the generic term for the noisy, whizzy, sucky-uppy floor cleaning machine is ‘vacuum cleaner’. However, as Hoover was one of the first companies to commercially produce an affordable vacuum cleaner, ‘Hoover’ turned into a verb and now we’re all at it.

With regards to Christmas:

The annoying types who give presents when we’ve agreed not to.
A child who wants to live entirely on Quality Street ‘because it’s Christmas.’
The way that my family seem to think Christmas appears as if by magic (don’t worry - I already know the standard MN response to this about how I should put my foot down, everyone else’s family does everything, should never have married a man who doesn’t really like Christmas etc etc).
The hideously stressful present panic where I picture a roomful of curled lips and turned up noses, amid a clamour of voices asking for the receipt. (Never happens but it worries me every year.)

For the wrappers - I don’t wrap presents from Father Christmas. He leaves them, attractively arranged, on an armchair in the livingroom to be exclaimed over first thing in the morning. I wrap presents for DD from us, and presents for relatives (which we exchange and open in the afternoon of Christmas Day).

labazsisgoingmad · 22/12/2019 12:14

sellotape that rips in tiny pieces leaving an untraceable bit on the roll
glitter everywhere
doing the bloody tree find broken baubles and cant find half the stuff from last time
christmas music
flippin emails 1000s of them trying to get you to buy more shite
shopping hate it at the best of times
cooking xmas dinner for my oh and feeling sick all day at the smell i hate the smell taste or look of meat bleeeukkk

thinkfast · 22/12/2019 14:03

The kids are still shouting.... AngryXmas Angry

Pinkbonbon · 22/12/2019 14:11

Definitely the music. Sick of every third song on the radio being a Christmas song. And of them playing non stop in stores.

Oh and the stupid Christmas jumpers. Yawn.

TellySavalashairbrush · 22/12/2019 14:22

People buying utter shite in Wilkos, boots and Marks and Spencer’s when I need to buy everyday items during my short lunch break.

Excessive food buying in supermarkets. Unless you have a huge family, there is no need for two trollies worth of food.

The same crap programmes and films on tv during the next week that are repeated every year.

shinynewapplesonachristmastree · 22/12/2019 14:32

Another thing that can fuck off is this fucking cold reappearing for the second time in 3 weeks.

I thought I was on top of things, (organised early as working next two days and not as much to do as others as no young DC) but I've still got the odd bit plus quite busy Christmas Day and a holiday on Friday. I do not need another cold Angry

Lifeoverhaul · 22/12/2019 16:28

Plastic crap in crackers. What an absolute waste.
People over spending/over buying.
Unexpected gifts that you haven't reciprocated (mad dash to the shop/excuse).
Roads and shops are heaving. Turns people into arseholes (I'm sure not having carrots won't wreck your xmas).
Wrapping presents.
Dark days and nights.
Short opening hours for places like the gym. I'm off work and this is when I can use the gym.

labazsisgoingmad · 22/12/2019 17:35

oh yes and trees yes artificial trees that are a bitch to put up and moult worse than real trees! new tree and ill be hoovering up the shite until June way its going

TuppenceDarling · 22/12/2019 17:38
  1. My kids
  2. Other people’s kids
Pogmella · 22/12/2019 18:02

Post divorce fall put and ppl that have ‘sided’ with Exh and OW (yep, really) using my DC to get to me. Guilting DC that they and their kids don’t see them much anymore. It’s my 1st xmas sans enfants, just give me a fucking break... not like I asked for any of it.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 22/12/2019 18:07

All the half finished craft projects that's seemed a really good idea in October and now just threaten to steal my last few days before Christmas. I've opted not to stamp designs on the brown paper wrap, and the little bags I bought instead of crackers have been scrawled on ruined by Ds rather than having minimalist and artistic thumb print robins. I still have a gingerbread house and hot chocolate stirrers to make though.

And to top it all, I got bitten by a goddamn spider today, my toe swelled up to the size of a sprout. Very painful. Plus that little bitey bastard is lurking in the house somewhere....

boatyardblues · 22/12/2019 18:10

I went shopping about an hour after I posted on here & there was a brass band playing just inside the entrance to the supermarket. I had to explain to DS why I was laughing so hard.

Sherloidbaisherloid · 22/12/2019 18:36

Christmas music can fuck off, especially michael buble

motorcyclenumptiness · 22/12/2019 18:37

Michael Bublé

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