Christmas things that can just fuck off already

[PsychoSyd]

1. Cards with glitter on. When you open them and a cascade of glitter falls out. I've just hoovered up the last fucking lot for fucks sake! Fuck off!

1. The endless fucking cleaning & tidying. I'm hosting on Christmas Day and have to work tomorrow and Monday, so I decided to get a head start on making the house slightly more presentable. Every time I tidy something away, I find another fucking mess to clean and/or tidy. Fuck off!

1. Next door are having a pre Christmas get together with some of their family and they're having roast beef. How do I know this? I can smell it. It smells fucking gorgeous. Unless I can have some too, just fuck off with your pre Christmas roast.

Anyone else? I have plenty of fuck offs for all

All of it. Everything. I really wish it would.

(Oh, apart from baubles. My inner child likes looking at all the new ones in the shops.)

When people say “ I love wrapping. Glass of wine, Christmas music on, fire going...”
After 20 presents and when you still have 50 to go it’s a chore. A bloody big chore!
Wrapping can fuck right off.
(I’ve to fave it tomorrow!

TAPAS??!!

I had an accident with eating a Christmas cake in secret. I've had to secretly replace it. But I've lost my Christmas food appetite due to the cake mistake.

There some other problems too which involved some other accidents:

6 mince pies
Chocolate Santa
Selection box
Giant toblerone
Epoisses cheese

I can't face any Christmas food now.

Sigh

There was also the toffee i buy but pass off as homemade gifts, had to buy that twice.

I'd like a small salad for Christmas day.

And a vomitorium.

I'm from the south and say hoovering up ( Don't know why) I hate the way the sellotape rips my lips off when I bite it 😳 those chain messages for my 'bff' with twinkly lights that pop upon my fb can fuck off too... with the p,ease send to 10 more peeps including me gggrrrhhhh wtf?

The shite bit after Christmas and towards new year when Christmas TV is still on but it's not properly Christmas, you're full of melancholy about how shite the year was and how another one is starting and you have to go back to work, and doubting yourself about when is ok to take the Christmas tree down.

Present wrapping gives me awful back ache too! I have learned to manage it by doing it standing up and just a couple at a time.

I’m from Surrey, and now live in Hampshire. I’ve only ever heard it called hoovering. Also sellotape.

Just did an experiment. Daughters boyfriend is sat here waiting for her, so I said ‘Do you think the carpet looks dirty?’. He looked a bit surprised because he was in the middle of telling me about his lizard, but he replied ‘No, but I can hoover if you want’. Bless him! Anyway he’s from Berkshire.

He’s not hoovering, by the way, as everyone’s asleep, but it’s something to remember for the future.

Elf of the shelf can fuck off.
I’ve never had any intention of doing this “tradition” but Ds (5) has gotten wind of it from his class mates so it’s all “why don’t we have an elf?” And “can we have an elf next year” and “did you know the elf does naughty things”
No dear, mummy has enough to bloody do in the run up to Christmas. Whoever invented it should be shot.

Having to go to visit in-laws we haven't seen all year just to do present swaps and awkward conversation for an hour and who have bought things we don't want because they have no idea what my DC like because they can't be bothered to visit - usually they get the last thing in a 3 for 2 sale and the other 2 (wanted) gifts go to the preferred cousins.

@Eminybob I've so far managed to avoid the elf by telling DC that you can't buy it, you get randomly selected (like jury service) and if we get selected I'll say no because I can't be doing with more to clean up around the house from a naughty elf. Also remind them that it means they're being watched 24/7 and do they really want that? Answer is no, because they're naughty little shits

The whole thing. What's it all about? Whats the point. I'm not a Christian and even if I was would Jesus approve of the festival of greed. I think not.

I get the fear around now that even though I have spent hours and hours choosing gifts I think people (mainly my kids) will like that I get it wrong or one thinks the other is favoured more etc.... it's pointless as all year I tell them to be grateful for anything they get.

I think it's the result of always feeling ill and run down as its work busy time and we seem to be out seeing people loads in november December. Kicks the anxiety off.

Generally thoughi love Christmas. The lights, the carol concerts and school plays, the muddy winter walks with friends, food, buying gifts and thinking of others, Christmas films etc..

6. Scrabbling for the end of the Sellotape

That's one that can be easily fucked off with these sanity-savers. If the person who invented them hasn't been given a knighthood/Damehood, there's no justice.

Maybe a bit late in the day for some but...
I have one of those invisible tape rolls on a dispenser (you can replace the roll) that has a wee sharp metal edge to cut the tape. It is wonderful. Life changing . The dispenser is heavy enough not to be completely useless when trying to snag the tape. Highly recommend for us sellotape loathers.
Other than that- I hate all the force feeding. Oh just have a little piece oh just have one chocolate. No!!!!!! Respect my wishes not to put on ALL THE WEIGHT mofos!!!

Magazines that have no editorial content in the November and December issues, just pages and pages of over priced ‘gift suggestions’. If you can’t think for yourself what someone would like for a present don’t buy them a present! Save the money or donate it to a good cause or take them out for a meal or (if they are young and/or hard up) give them cash or a gift card. Don’t blindly spend £20/£50/£250 etc on some overpriced piece of unwanted, unnecessary tat out of obligation.

Oh god, the glitter. And Christmas crafts in general. It started quite well with paper plate angels, lollipop stick shepherds and home made cards. On Friday I got a "Christmas sculpture" made from a giant Yorkshire tea box, a laundry tab box, several toilet rolls and sweetie jars and covered in glitter. It's ginormous, and shedding glitter all over my kitchen. I gently broached the subject of recycling it before Christmas and it didn't go down well...

@VenusTiger unfortunately it's a small room so can't fit 3 beds in. Had to by him a wee kiddie bed to stick at the bottom of our bed. He's six!
She's been here 5 months now.

I’m a South Londoner and I’ve always said ‘vacuuming’ not hoovering. but that might be because my family background is Irish? But that seems unlikely because I can remember the giddy day we first got a vacuum cleaner and at that time my grandparents were living in the U.K. I can still remember the sheer luxury and efficiency of using it compared a broom. They certainly didn’t have a vacuum in Ireland before they moved here because they didn’t get plug sockets in the Irish family home until I was about 7 or 8.

When I still had my job in retail the answer was - everything. By December 1st I was already sick to the back teeth of the whole shebang.
Then I quit. The Christmas magic is returning but I still hate awful Christmas music. I've earned DH that if I ever get to meet Noddy Holder or Paul McCartney he'd better keep tight hold of me because I might just have a mental break and attempt to kill them.
Fuck off Slade you shitty 70s crap band and your shitty Christmas song that you can't escape from.

About 15 years ago I liberated a sellotape dispenser from my office. It’s one of those with a weight like we used to have at school in the 70’s.

Every Christmas as I start to wrap I give my thieving little self a pat on the back.

Poinsettias can fuck off. Dying bastards.

Exes mum trying to bribe the kids to come and see their abusive father with the promise of amazing presents I could never afford.

Other than that I love everything.

Sainsbury's substituting my shopping. I had that turkey crown in my basket since the day they released the booking slot. I don't want a whole turkey, it's only for DH/DS with a bit left over.

And why substitute my washing powder tabs with air freshener? Is there no washing powder/liquid/ tabs left in Sainsbury's at all? So I'll just give the clothes a spray?

Off to the shops again then .