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Original poster

Introverts this Christmas

57 replies

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2019 10:40

Hello! Introvert here!

I love Christmas time but it’s the time of year that is most wearing for me socially.

Like many, I have no trouble with socialising and chatting but it takes it out of me a lot and often leaves me feeling tired/hungover even though I haven’t had a drink.

My usually quiet social calendar for the days leadings upto and over Christmas are the following:

21st - spending time with sister in law whilst DP spends time with his bro (love her so not a hardship)
22nd - meal with dps dad’s extended family who I’ve never met
23rd - long, physically tiring day at work ahead, socialising after (at work)
24th - Xmas eve with my mum and her partner who is hard work
25th - Xmas Day with my family including sisters partner who is hard work
26th - Boxing Day meal with dps family
27th - party food with dps family
28th - socialising with work colleagues
29th - party with all of dps friends who I love but find hours of endless chatting exhausting

Anyone else expecting similar struggles with the upcoming Christmas period? How can I find socialising so tiring!? I often feel actual physical pain (headache, sore throat, achey eyes). It’s so annoying Xmas Sad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 17/12/2019 10:44

Yeah I'm the same OP. I'm quite selfish when I need some decompressing time.

Maybe pencil in new years eve and day for yourself? If you're working then find a day to look forward to some down time and maybe cut Christmas day or eve in half. Less of the difficult men.

gamerchick · 17/12/2019 10:45

Or either bin the 28th or 29th. I'm tired just looking at your list Grin

WorraLiberty · 17/12/2019 10:52

If you find it exhausting, perhaps you should stop putting your hand up for everything going? Confused

You don't have to do this just because it's Christmas.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Original poster
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2019 11:15

@worraliberty I don’t. All of these things are booked and go ahead if I’m invited or not. But most are family things that it’d look rude if I wasn’t there for. Although I find these things exhausting, I wouldn’t not go. The only possible thing I could cancel is works socialising.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/12/2019 11:25

There's loads from that list that you could cancel if you find it so exhausting.

It's almost as though you have a fear of missing out but you've labelled yourself as an 'introvert' who enjoys the misery.

I often feel actual physical pain (headache, sore throat, achey eyes). It’s so annoying

Tell them all this and they won't expect you to do it. It'd certainly spoil my celebrations if I thought someone was forcing themselves to be there.

Answerthequestion · 17/12/2019 11:32

Ditch 22nd/28th/29th

speakout · 17/12/2019 11:35

Sounds awful OP.

I am a happy introvert- I wouldn't have agreed to most of it.

You do have a choice in this you know.

gothefcktosleep · 17/12/2019 11:36

I would not do the 23rd or the 28th tbh.

I do know where you’re coming from. I spent many years with a full calendar and exhausted by January. This year has been delightfully quiet. I try and have at least one weekend a month where we don’t have any plans in the diary because otherwise it feels too chaotic. I’ve felt a bit better for it.

rhubarbcrumbles · 17/12/2019 11:37

What Answerthequestion said.

I'm an introvert and my xmas plans are spend xmas day with mother and brother. That's it. I couldn't be happier with it, your xmas would fill me with horror.

gothefcktosleep · 17/12/2019 11:37

Also, if you want to go to the socialising just go for an hour, that way you’ve shown your face but not endured too much.

CherryPlum · 17/12/2019 11:41

I'm an introvert and there is no way I could take on what you've taken on, it would leave me unwell.

DragonflyInn · 17/12/2019 11:46

I’m similar OP but could manage your schedule, as long as I built in alone / relaxing time around all these events. So for example Boxing Day party food could presumably just be a few hours. Make sure the rest of the day gives you the quiet time you need (and doesn’t suddenly become a last minute opportunity to fit another social arrangement in, which is often what my DH tries to do!)

Original poster
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2019 11:59

@worra you don’t know anything about me so please don’t presume that I label myself as an introvert because I find it fun or something!? My life has been spent avoiding situations, affected my work life and friendships, I’ve isolated myself, cried myself to sleep and had very dark thoughts in the past because of who I am. I definitely have zero fear of missing out! I would quite happily do about 2 of those days. But I have worked hard over the years to manage it and accept myself. Most of the year I spend very little time socialising. My partner is not an introvert and enjoys the company of others. Family meal with everyone there...”hey where’s perfectionist”? Oh she told me that she doesn’t feel like doing anymore socialising. Not really an option is it.

I am not looking for people’s suggestions to avoid situations. You can be an introvert, enjoy other’s company and still feel worn out by it. I was thinking there would be others in a similarly socially exhausting position over this period who, as an introvert might find the going tough??

Thank you @dragonflyinn I think it’s that alone time in between that makes it manageable for me.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2019 12:00

I’m a runner - I go for a 10km run on my lunch break so I get some time inside my own head in between working day, work Christmas events and socialising and when I’m staying with friends and family over Christmas I’ll also take an hour to ninety minutes every day to get out for a run. Take up running! Unlike just going for a walk on your own which appears a bit antisocial, everybody seems to understand when a runner claims they need to keep up with their marathon training and nobody realises I’m mostly trying to get some time out!

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2019 12:02

I’m also an introvert in the same way I describe - i.e. not shy or socially awkward or disliking social situations as many self-professed introverts seem to think introversion is. I genuinely enjoy socialising and parties and being around lots of happy people, but really need the downtime in between. It’s a lovely time of year but definitely some balance is required.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2019 12:03

same way you* describe, not I describe.

WorraLiberty · 17/12/2019 12:04

Family meal with everyone there...”hey where’s perfectionist”? Oh she told me that she doesn’t feel like doing anymore socialising. Not really an option is it.

Why on earth would he answer like that? Confused

"Oh, she says she's an introvert and often feels actual physical pain (headache, sore throat, achey eyes). It’s so annoying for her"

You either own this or you don't but my God your list would exhaust me and I love all that stuff.

speakout · 17/12/2019 12:05

OP I spent many years feeling "wrong" as an introvert.

I now embrace it proudly.

30to50FeralHogs · 17/12/2019 12:06

Oh my gosh I don’t think I’d cope!! I have two days of socialising on 20th/24th then Xmas day home with my DCs. That’s quite enough for me! I’d have to take some looooong loo breaks, leave early and probably help out in the kitchen to save me having to make conversation all day Grin. Good luck with it all!

WorraLiberty · 17/12/2019 12:07

not shy or socially awkward or disliking social situations as many self-professed introverts seem to think introversion is.

Aren't all introverts self-professed?

Original poster
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2019 12:17

@speakout I am also now comfortable with it and will talk to people about it. I used to hate myself for it but now just accept that it’s who I am.

@ComtesseDeSpair
God I hate running Grin I don’t feel like experience that feeling of alone time in my head when I run. Though I do feel more relaxed afterwards if I really push myself so that’s something to consider.

OP posts:
CherryPlum · 17/12/2019 12:25

To me it just doesn't sound that you have fully accepted yourself as an introvert. Like you are ashamed of it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to socialise less, and personally I don't see what would be wrong in declining as many of these social engagements as you want to. I'm not saying it to be mean - I fully accept myself as an introvert, and I make the choices regarding what I will or won't do. It's very freeing, and there haven't been any bad consequences of this.

speakout · 17/12/2019 12:29
  • I am also now comfortable with it and will talk to people about it. I used to hate myself for it but now just accept that it’s who I am.

I am glad you feel that way OP.

However full acceptance of that is not setting yourself up for such a dreadful schedule suely?

Original poster
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2019 12:33

@CherryPlum I have fully accepted myself. But I won’t ruin my partners Christmas with family and friends just because I find it tiring. I can manage it.

In the past I have been invited to things that I felt I simply couldn’t go to. As in I physically couldn’t bring myself to, no matter how hard I tried. And now I manage it. I don’t adore every single second of every single experience but I cope.

OP posts:
speakout · 17/12/2019 12:38

But OP why are you putting the enjoyment of other people above your own?
Your OH can work out ways to socialise without you being there. You don't have to be present at every event where your OH meets his own family and friends.

Why put your pleasure bottom of the pile like this?