Introverts this Christmas

[PerfectionistProcrastinator]

Hello! Introvert here!

I love Christmas time but it’s the time of year that is most wearing for me socially.

Like many, I have no trouble with socialising and chatting but it takes it out of me a lot and often leaves me feeling tired/hungover even though I haven’t had a drink.

My usually quiet social calendar for the days leadings upto and over Christmas are the following:

21st - spending time with sister in law whilst DP spends time with his bro (love her so not a hardship)
22nd - meal with dps dad’s extended family who I’ve never met
23rd - long, physically tiring day at work ahead, socialising after (at work)
24th - Xmas eve with my mum and her partner who is hard work
25th - Xmas Day with my family including sisters partner who is hard work
26th - Boxing Day meal with dps family
27th - party food with dps family
28th - socialising with work colleagues
29th - party with all of dps friends who I love but find hours of endless chatting exhausting

Anyone else expecting similar struggles with the upcoming Christmas period? How can I find socialising so tiring!? I often feel actual physical pain (headache, sore throat, achey eyes). It’s so annoying

@speakout DP isn’t an introvert but we don’t spend much time at all socialising together. This time of year a few occasions happen to fall where it’s a lot all in one go. So I’m happy to go with it even though I find it tiring. It’s mostly family stuff which I wouldn’t dream of not going to.

I’m an introvert who powers through and over time have found a number of coping strategies.
-preparing food / clearing up the kitchen , door shut no music on , blussful silence to potter for an hour

• parkrun - Our local one holds a christmas day and New years day one so arrive early to ‘get a parking space’ and then spend up to an hour finishing . You don’t have to talk to people just put your headphones on and go. ( you can actually use running / fitness as an excuse at any time)
• long soak in the bath whilst people are watching telly !

Just try and carve an hour of silence (preferably in a long block) every day - good luck!

OP I still don't see why you agreed to all this.

Also an introvert busy (but not as much as you) over Christmas. I’ve booked myself a premier inn cheap night for first week of January to look forward to. I get food and books and don’t leave until I have to and it’s bliss.

I'm a busy all year round introvert, and feel the same as you, I really enjoy the socialising, seeing people etc, I just will be exhausted at the end of it all. When I'm home, I just completely zone out, go on Mumsnet, read or watch TV until I feel ready to face the world again.

EmmaStone

Are you sure you are an introvert?

Haha, yes. Why do you ask?

Ah, I know just where you are coming from. I’m an introvert and thankfully I don’t have anything like as much on for Christmas as you do. My DH is an extrovert though and loves to spend time out socialising.

We are at MILs on both Christmas and Boxing Day, DH would love to stay until midnight on both days, so I will be out of my house (and comfort zone) for between 8/10 hours on both days. The tv will be on full blast, SILs kids will be winding each other up non stop, there isn’t a quiet space to sit in peace so my head will be thumping. I’d love to be able to go for just a few hours but DH reminisces about when they used to stay up til 2 in the morning playing board games so thinks he is compromising by leaving at 10.30 ( by which time I feel like a damp rag) as he doesn’t want to be the first to leave ( even though we get there first, about 2 or 3 hours before SIL). And DS loves being there too, so I would feel like I’d be dragging them both home protesting if we left any earlier.

I love MIL but I find those two days in her house mentally exhausting.

We should book an introvert hotel party where we all stay in our rooms and only come out for food and drink.

The fact you enjoy socialising and seeing people so much. I understand it leaves you feeling tired, but is that the only marker of an introvert?
I dislike social ocassions, I watch the clock, it feels unpleasant to me.

Really pleased to have some replies from those in similar circumstances.

The thing is, my life isn’t usually this busy. I work Monday to Friday but other than that spend a lot of time alone. Or just dp and me. The last time DP and I socialised together with others was September. I see friends and family some weekends but that one to one doesn’t have the same effect on me.

I just want to be clear that I don’t need these circumstances fixing, just here to chat with others over the festive period who experience similar. I know there must be a lot of us. Also, not all introverts are the same!

@ceefax101 I love that idea

When I was younger I would drink more in an attempt to relax more, or make me more chatty, but now I’m older drinking just seems to make me feel a bit crappy! I do consider myself to be a good conversationalist, but this for me takes focus, which is probably why I feel tired!

Oh my god I would say no to all of that. We aren't doing anything this year. Actually is perfect.

omg this thread resonates with me so much!

I'm an introvert by nature (I'm autistic also) and generally manage most of the time by not overloading. contrary to belief about people with autism I actually enjoying socialising too, but it needs to be on my terms and not too one after the other! I feel at xmas it gets harder to say no and I know I can say no but in reality I don't want to let my husband down or anyone else, so it can be really hard to find that balance. I find xmas quite unsettling even though I love it as like everyone is rushing around trying to sort stuff.

I don't know the answer but solidarity to you @PerfectionistProcrastinator and everyone else who finds xmas a hard time :)

Are you sure you are an introvert?

Introverted doesn't always mean the stereotype of reclusive and clock watching. It's enjoying socialising but needing time to recover. Some people thrive on being around other people's energy and some people NEED downtime to recover but can still enjoy themselves.

I don't think of myself as either introvert or extrovert, but that list looks exhausting to me, OP.

I'd be sacking off either the 26th or 27th, and cutting most of the other stuff short.

Well maybe could share tips to get through these situations - I sometimes go off to the loo for a bit! Or hide in the kitchen or on the stairs, pretending to admire the decorations. Sometimes the TV is on and you can lurk in there after having some conversation. Or just listen to people chat

Or maybe just stand up to your needs- without having to hide in a toilet or pretend.

Socialising after work on the 23rd? Fuck that.

I'd have to go home and just stare at the wall.

I'd ditch the 27th and 28th if I were you. I suspect that many of your work colleagues will probably do the same.

It's a bit late to change things this year, but maybe next year have a good think about whether or not you want to do all these family obligations.

I'm introverted and I've spent years making the effort socialising with certain relatives, entering in to the Christmas spirit and so on against my nature - only to find out this year that they couldn't give two shiny shits about me. I'm done wasting time on people who don't care about me. People don't like it when you don't fall in to line like they expect you to - but when you get nothing in return what's the point? I wonder what you are getting out of spending time with some of these 'hard work' relatives?

This introvert is currently in labour, so on top of the usual Christmas social, I'm also facing baby visitors! I am dreading and would love to just hibernate away with DH and DH!

@managedmis - that made me lol. I won’t have to stay long. But it’ll be long enough after a busy day at work.

As I said, most of these things are family occasions. My family aren’t local so we have to travel to see them. I love my mum, sister and nieces and want to see them at Christmas, it’s their partners I’m not too keen on. And I love dps family too. I sometimes find spending time with them more chilled than seeing my own. I wouldn’t not go to any of those things. I may well not do 28th work socialising but feel I should for various reasons.

These plans happen every year. But 22nd and 28th is extra this year.

@mssquiz wishing you all the best!

Also, I am capable of saying no. Dp asked me if I wanted to invite another couple of for dinner with us the other night and I told him no, and that we had plenty of socialising coming up in the next few weeks.

As far as tips go...as sometime who worries about filling the gap in conversation I find myself talking a lot. Not about myself but asking questions and responding on certain subjects. I often remind myself that it’s ok to be the quiet one and listen to others chat for a bit!

I had to cancel a few things because I genuinely got ill.

Looking at your list, I'd try and carve out some time either when you get back on 23rd for a bath, or early on 24th for a walk/mindfulness, to give you energy. Do you have to go first thing on 24th? Or can you leave early? It is fine to explain that you had a work do the night before.

Re. dealing with people who are hard work, deep breath and remember its all in the spirit of Christmas.

Similarly, can you agree a time to leave either on the 26th or 27th? When you get back on 27th have a bath or watch a film to decompress before the 28th.

I find giving myself a purpose at events is good - making the starter, serving drinks, instigating a party game etc.

Also book yourself some nice things for January. I always try to go for a mini me day early December before the onslaught and in January try and go to the theatre or cinema for a pick me up.

Genuinely interested to know how it goes OP, good luck!

There’s no need to socialise with people you have to work with, so there’s hours of your life back.

You can see relatives any time and everyone will enjoy it more when it’s not in the December hellscape of frantic consumerism, harassed bad tempered forced contact with relatives out of obligation and everyone riddled with germs.
I’m a proud introvert and will endure an hour at my abusive mothers residence on xmas day before spending the rest of it at home in my pyjamas. Obligation to spend 3 hours at in-laws house some other day. No work crap, no martyring myself.

Oooh many congrats MsSquiz hope all is well

I’m not going to not see family at Christmas. It is not that I do not enjoy it. To be an introvert is not to loathe all social contact with others 🙄

I am not being a martyr. There are 2 people in this relationship and I am considerate of my partner.

Replies welcome from those not suggesting I’m a “real” introvert, telling me to cancel or suggesting I’m s martyr.

This was a thread was not intended to dissect my social calendar over Xmas. It was intended to share similar experiences either others in the same position.