Male gym employee walked into female changing rooms while I was naked

[ShakinScarecrow]

I've recently joined a private family owned gym & spa.
It closes at 8pm on Sunday. The female changing rooms are open plan with 3 showers and no cubicles.

This evening I went swimming and left the pool at 7.45pm when asked to by a female employee. I then had come out of the shower and was naked at 8.01pm when a male employee walked into the female changing rooms.

There was a female employee cleaning, and another gym user who was dressed and just leaving the changing room and as she left he told her off for being late and said he would cancel her membership. It was at this point he walked right into the changing room, saw me naked and walked out. He did not knock, or announce he was coming in, or check if anyone was in there. He did not apologise not did the female employee.

Another female employee then came in, so there were 2 of them in there.
A minute or so later he came back in and I said "please don't come in I'm naked". He then stood by the door, where he couldn't see me, and told me off (I can't remember exactly what he said) asked how long I was going to be and said he would cancel my membership then left.
I said to the female employees this was unacceptable and should I complain to the owner. I asked if my membership would be cancelled as it was 8.03pm at that point. They said that they would let the owner know and someone shouted at this employee in the male changing rooms recently so he was in a 'bad mood', also that I shouldn't worry and he wouldn't cancel my membership as he just said that because of his bad mood.

I quickly dressed and left by 8:05. The 3 female employees were still cleaning various areas of the building. I don't know if any other gym users were there. As i left he was at the front desk scrolling on his phone, he did not acknowledge me.
I sat in my car and cried.

I know they do close at 8pm and he came in at 8.01, so it was after closing time. However, the staff were not waiting to leave and were still cleaning. He could have asked a female colleague to speak to me.

I've come home now and have a range of emotions- anger, humiliation, indignation. I'm absolutely going to complain to the owner. I don't feel comfortable going there again while he's there.
What should I do?

He walked in, without checking and saw me naked. He then came back in a minute later. That is not defensible.

You said when he came back in the second time he was by the door and couldn’t see you. I see no issue there, particularly as he left as soon as he realised you were naked the first time.

There doesn’t need to be a sign explicitly saying all employees have access to all areas of the building at any given time. That should be a given; we shouldn’t have to live in an age where we need to be told these things.

I don’t think he did anything wrong by accessing the changing rooms 🤷‍♀️

He wasn’t naked Carol the OP was.

for not leaving immediately when he saw a naked woman,

TheProdigalKittensReturn Except that he did leave immediately when he saw a naked woman. As stated in the OP:

It was at this point he walked right into the changing room, saw me naked and walked out.

You’re not the first and definitely won’t be the last gym member who thinks a closing time is merely a guideline on when you should be out.

However his attitude towards you and the other member was not professional and you’d be right to complain about the way he spoke to you. His bad mood obviously clouded his judgement (especially with the silly comment of cancelling the membership) and he should have handled the situation differently.

What else does he have the right to do if you’re late/ drunk/ wearing a short skirt?

I hate people being late more than most. But wtaf is up with all this, “you were late and therefore he’s within his rights to be creepy and intimidating” shite being spouted on here?

So you've found one thing that he did, not right, but at least not 100% as wrong as wrong could get. Congratulations? He's still an arsehole.

I've never heard of a business shouting at customers and threatening to cancel their memberships/refuse their business in the future because they were straggling a bit and left a few minutes after closing. Where on earth are some of the people in this thread working out/shopping/dining/etc?

No, it isn’t defensible OP. And suggesting it is because you were there a few minutes past closing is ludicrous.

So what else would have been defensible? Gawping at a naked woman and reducing her to tears is fine, as is threatening to cancel her membership. What else would have been OK? Taking her photo? Assaulting her? Hey, she was late, any consequences are her fault right?🙄

Even in female spaces where you aren’t exposed and naked decent men would check the space was empty before barging in. We had Malle cleaners onsite in my last job and they would knock doors and check no one was in before coming to clean. They wouldn’t just barge in. Whether the premises were officially closed or not.

He knew you were in there and knows it’s a changing room. Person walking into opposite gender dressing room is a power play, whether a woman walking into a men’s locker room or a man walking into a woman’s.

I would make a formal complaint and also figure out if there is a place you can post a review online.

Gawping at a naked woman and reducing her to tears is fine,

CareOfPunts Over exaggeration much? 😂 There was no gawping involved. He left the second he realised she was naked.

There was a thread on MN last week where a female bus driver called a paedophile customer a customer a paedophile and was sacked, and everyone was telling the poster that was fine because you can’t be rude to customers. This creep is a “poor guy” in the eyes of some and OP shouldn’t complain in case he gets sacked before Christmas. Jeez.

@heartsonacake he still threatened to cancel her membership and reduced her to tears. Is that OK?

Well you shouldn't really have still been there at that time - and when you contact the owner to complain (because you should) it may be a good idea to acknowledge that - even if just so to show that you are being reasonable.

However..... it was not unreasonable for staff to realise that women may be naked or semi-naked in the changing rooms a few minutes after closing time. This cannot be the first time that someone hasn't been ready to leave bang on time - probably not even the first time this week, so they should have a procedure in place that is appropriate - for example sending a female member of staff in to check that the changing rooms are empty and to hurry customers along.

The fact that he just walked in was NOT acceptable. It's not like he was opening up in the morning and was going into check and was gob-smacked to find a naked (or semi-naked) woman in there. It can't have been a huge surprise that you were there (even if it was annoying).

However I actually find the fact that he came back and told you off while you were still dressing to be even more intimidating - even if he couldn't see you. Walking in on you the first time could have been an accident - one that shouldn't have happened and one that he should have apologised for and now should be going out of his way to look at his procedures to make sure it doesn't happen again. Walking in a second time to tell you off was pre-meditated. That was no accident.

Being a semi-naked and alone woman you were - and would have felt - vulnerable. Even more so given that a man has already been in once. For him to go and tell you off in that situation is completely unacceptable. He is exploiting his power and your sense of vulnerability. And it was completely unnecessary. Yes customers not leaving on time is annoying, but (in my opinion) telling regular customers off over a few minutes is probably not a good business idea anyway. Doing so in a way that is bound to make them feel vulnerable is completely unnecessary. Even if he felt a telling off was necessary he could have waited until you were dressed and in reception. He could have asked a female staff member to go in and tell you off. He could have sent you an email.

Sending in a male staff member to intimidate naked and semi-naked women into leaving is not acceptable no matter how late you are.

There was a thread on MN last week where a female bus driver called a paedophile customer a customer a paedophile and was sacked, and everyone was telling the poster that was fine because you can’t be rude to customers. This creep is a “poor guy” in the eyes of some and OP shouldn’t complain in case he gets sacked before Christmas. Jeez.

It's almost as if the theme here is that the man is always in the right. Do people have some sort of "look, a woman is challenging a man's right to do whatever he feels like, send out the flying monkeys!" alert set up?

CareOfPunts Is it okay to make stuff up to make the situation sound worse than it was?

Agreed @ TheProdigalKittensReturn. Depressing especially on a forum full of women.

respect works both ways. You shouldn't expect to be treated wonderfully when you're taking the utter piss There was no intended lack of respect from the OP whereas that creep set out to humiliate her. In the VERY unlikely event that his first action was a mistake, he should have apologised, but instead he attempted to enter again and berated the OP. His lack of respect was completely intended and there is absolutely no comparison with what OP did.

Have any of the posters defending this creep actually paid any heed to the posters that have said they work in similar environments and agree that behaved inappropriately walking in without checking and that they always allow for stragglers? Or do you just feel superior because a woman was humiliated for being a few minutes over?

I don’t suppose any of you have just reached for that last item on your shopping list when the shop said they’re closing in fifteen minutes and can shoppers make your way to the till, or been late for an appointment because you took longer doing something you thought would be quick, got caught up in something and we’re a few minutes late picking up the kids from the chills minder/school, etc? No? Then either you’re a superior species or a bloody liar. People make mistakes and time gets away from them. That doesn’t give others the right to treat them like shit.

Can’t believe the amount of uproar for Op being late out! That’s not the issue here the issue is a male employee not calling out to seen if the coast is clearly before entering a female changing room!

Dosent matter if it was 7.55 or 8.01 he should still have called out, yes 8pm is the closing time but my god dosent mean come 8.01pm you should expect to be on parade!!

My own Dh will give the door a little knock to make sure it’s ok if he can come in to get something he needs if I happen to be in the shower etc.

Well that’s that then, I better watch out next time I am at the swimming 8:01pm means your fair game then for anyone to take a look! 🙄

Nice deflection, @heartsonacake. So reducing a female to tears and threatening to cancel her membership is fine, because you deem one element of my post OTT.

You’re an apologist for predatory and creepy male behaviour, at least just own it.

There's also an odd pattern where we're apparently supposed to pretend that the British are a people who in general aren't bothered about nudity and are quite happy to get our keks off around random people of the opposite sex, and any woman who feels otherwise is somehow immature or unworldly.

I wonder if the people suggesting this realize that it doesn't make them look nearly as cool and sophisticated as they think.

Not shouting at customers and threatening to cancel their memberships because they're straggling a bit is being treated "wonderfully"? Again, I'd love to know what standard of customer service the people saying this stuff are accustomed to, because wow.

Depressing especially on a forum full of women.

There are some regular male posters on the forum, but unfortunately there are also some MRAs who get a kick out of this kind of thing. There are also a lot of female surrendered supporters.

Well that’s that then, I better watch out next time I am at the swimming 8:01pm means your fair game then for anyone to take a look!

Perhaps an electric cattle prod when it reaches 8:05?

CareOfPunts It’s not OTT, it’s completely made up. Do you often make things up to suit the point you want to get across?