Male gym employee walked into female changing rooms while I was naked

[ShakinScarecrow]

I've recently joined a private family owned gym & spa.
It closes at 8pm on Sunday. The female changing rooms are open plan with 3 showers and no cubicles.

This evening I went swimming and left the pool at 7.45pm when asked to by a female employee. I then had come out of the shower and was naked at 8.01pm when a male employee walked into the female changing rooms.

There was a female employee cleaning, and another gym user who was dressed and just leaving the changing room and as she left he told her off for being late and said he would cancel her membership. It was at this point he walked right into the changing room, saw me naked and walked out. He did not knock, or announce he was coming in, or check if anyone was in there. He did not apologise not did the female employee.

Another female employee then came in, so there were 2 of them in there.
A minute or so later he came back in and I said "please don't come in I'm naked". He then stood by the door, where he couldn't see me, and told me off (I can't remember exactly what he said) asked how long I was going to be and said he would cancel my membership then left.
I said to the female employees this was unacceptable and should I complain to the owner. I asked if my membership would be cancelled as it was 8.03pm at that point. They said that they would let the owner know and someone shouted at this employee in the male changing rooms recently so he was in a 'bad mood', also that I shouldn't worry and he wouldn't cancel my membership as he just said that because of his bad mood.

I quickly dressed and left by 8:05. The 3 female employees were still cleaning various areas of the building. I don't know if any other gym users were there. As i left he was at the front desk scrolling on his phone, he did not acknowledge me.
I sat in my car and cried.

I know they do close at 8pm and he came in at 8.01, so it was after closing time. However, the staff were not waiting to leave and were still cleaning. He could have asked a female colleague to speak to me.

I've come home now and have a range of emotions- anger, humiliation, indignation. I'm absolutely going to complain to the owner. I don't feel comfortable going there again while he's there.
What should I do?

What time would you have got out the pool if you hadn't been asked?
Then took ages in the shower? His behaviour was bad but you should have been more aware of the fact they were due to close.

Oh get over yourself. You should have been out long before then. What do you expect workers to do? Stand outside and just wait and see if anyone leaves for half an hour?

You were taking the piss by getting out of the pool with 15 mins to go. You were really taking the piss by getting a shower (not ever heard of just drying quickly and going considering the time?) And while I'm sure it was mortifying... it was closed. You shouldn't have been there.

But go ahead and complain. Go get some poor worker sacked before Christmas. All because you can't read a clock and have any respect for those working until, likely 9pm/10pm.

How do you know the staff member wasn't female? Did they say that they identified as male?

Very funny. (I assume you're joking)

It's easy to lose track of time in a spa/pool/changing room. Some of these replies could ease up on you a little!

I've worked in health clubs. The male employees always, always either knock loudly and wait then cautiously open the door to the ladies (if they need to go in at all) or more often ask a female member of staff to check if there are women in there before they go in.

It doesn't matter how late, slow or annoying the customers are being, that's what happens. The guy in this scenario was tremendously out of order. Definitely make a big complaint about this.

Our pool shuts at 8 but I’d assume that was the pool for swimming and not the changing rooms (our gym is open later) but I’m sure it’s always half an hour after the pool / gym closes that customers should be off the premises. I’d not expect male staff to be in the female change, and would expect an instant sorry. Please complain.

You shouldn't have been there past 8pm. If it closes then you should have been off the premises.

I bet if you look there will be a sign up saying that changing rooms are checked by both male and female employees

So you have to expect to be seen by a male when you're getting changed? Why bother having separate changing rooms then? I've never seen a male staff member coming into segregated changing rooms, or a sign warning they might.

I’m fucking sick to the back teeth of posters making excuses for this asshole. Any member of staff that works in an area where people are likely to be undressed know bloody rightly that they should give a warning that they wish to enter, in case if stragglers. The OP may have been in the wrong fit not being out at 8pm on the site, but that nasty piece of work knew rightly what he was doing and deliberately walked in to humiliate her, even coming back to upset her again.

This is completely out of order OP and as for those insensitive posters that are telling you to get over yourself, they’re probably the woke ones that are more than happy to see the disappearance of female only spaces. They’re just using your upset to make themselves feel superior, which I assure you it doesn’t. I’m very sorry you were humiliated in that way and you should definitely report it, as nothing excuses his creepy behaviour.

Oh so many mistakes. I really shouldn’t angry type!

He was obviously wrong in the way he treated you, but if it closes at 8pm then you need to be out of the building by 8pm, not still getting changed. Regardless of whether or not staff are still cleaning or doing anything else at that point.

However, the way he came into the changing rooms without knocking and then shouted at you was unacceptable. You should complain. Make sure when you do so you acknowledge that you were late so that they can see you've accepted that bit and move past it to the more important issue.

You shouldn't have still been there

However

There are always stragglers and as there were female staff members they should have been the ones checking.

There should be a sign stating that both male and female staff members have access to the changing rooms.

And theres a "protocol" isnt there.

At times where I've have to enter the mens loos at work to replace loo roll or fir a welfare check, entering process consists of a very loud knock, a loud and clear hey its staff here are you ok if I come in. Then awaiting the answer. Which never comes in the mens room.they dont seem to care and instead if saying "hang on a sec" will carry on peeing infront of you. and a " I'm coming in now"

Never ever ever just barge in even if you think its empty.

How do you know the staff member wasn't female? Did they say that they identified as male?

Very funny. (I assume you're joking)

Not joking. Haven't you seen what's going on with changing rooms? To challenge someone who appears to be "assigned male at birth" in a woman's changing room on account of their appearance is to assume their gender. It could get reported as a hate incident.

Just because the person doesn't wear 'feminine' clothes etc doesn't mean they identify as male.

Most people seem to be OK with this as the women who complain about it get called transphobic bigots.

There are legal allowances for places like changing rooms to be for single-sex only but Stonewall is kindly providing training to shops and facilities so they can be super progressive and change their policies to allow people to use whatever changing room they feel comfortable in.

Here's an example of a gym that's so progressive, cross-dressing males are allowed in the women-only gym sessions.
www.heraldscotland.com/news/17588777.cross-dress-males-to-be-allowed-in-women-only-gym-sessions-in-glasgow/

I think it's unfair to suggest he intentionally did it. I imagine that usually, given the venue closes at 8, he expected the changing rooms to be empty other than the female cleaning staff. The female cleaning staff couldn't warn him ahead as they were already cleaning when you came in to get changed, as you left the pool so late with not enough time to get ready to go before closing. He walked back out as soon as he realised what had happened, and was not unreasonable to 'tell you off' from around the corner for not having left the venue at the correct time. A lot of jobs like this require all customers to have left before certain closing tasks and cleaning can be performed, so by being late you push back everything that needs to be done that evening meaning everyone who works there will be going home late - and if it is under an hour they will not be getting paid for that time in all likelihood. Usually there would be time to liase between staff members to let one another know when changing rooms are occupied unexpectedly and this all happened within minutes according to your OP so no way to forewarn the male manager of your presence. It was an accident, caused by your tardiness, and to complain and possibly lose someone their job over this is vindictive.

Come over to the Feminist pages, ChristmasMovie. If you haven’t already been there, you’ll discover that this is only the tip of the iceberg.

I don’t think this was the case in this incident.

"I'm more shocked that you sat in your car and cried just because a man walked in on you naked. Are you really that sensitive?"

Really Artichoke? I'm not Swedish or German. The only men who can see me naked is a lover or a doctor/nurse. Nobody else.

Having said that, I don't stand around naked in a changing room. I'd always have a towel or something on so would only bee seen half naked, but I would absolutely be humiliated and angry if a man saw me in that state.

He behaved inappropriately BUT you know they close at 8pm but we're still in undressed 16 mins after you say you exited the pool. If it takes you that you that long to change you should have got out of the pool much earlier.

You were very rude just to assume it was ok to dawdle, make employees stay late to accommodate you. If that had been me I would have forgone the shower thrown my clothes on, left and showered at home.

You'd just got out of the shower when the gym was meant to be closed? Why did you take 15 minutes to shower?

In this you were unreasonable. It doesn't matter if staff are still cleaning, they have to close everything up and slow leavers delay that. You know the time so should be outside at 8pm.

However, I don't think people should ever shout at someone, especially when that person is naked. He should have checked there was no one in the room first as I would also have been very uncomfortable.

So, yes, complain about him but in future get out on time.

What LittleBrown, TotallyfuckedUp and BloodyWorried said.

The slamming, apologists on this thread need to take a good look at themselves.

The OP was 2 mins past closing and he was an arsehole.

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily

Similarly, I'm sick to the back teeth of entitled people thinking it's one rule for others and one for them. What part of 'Closes at 8' means anything other than it's closed at eight. As in get out the door and bye bye. Not stay until 8, have a shower, prance around naked, take your time to get dressed, maybe use a hair dryer and brush your hair, pack your gym bag neatly, stop at a vending machine for a drink then leave. Because that's exactly what entitled people do. They take other people's time and trample all over it.

Let's be real. The pay at a gym isn't going to be 60k plus a year, is it. It's a weekend. It's an evening shift. The least people can do is actually be out the door for 8 and let the staff crack on with clean up asap so they can get home. The least people can do is get out of the pool without needing to be told to like a child. To get dressed quickly if running late, not jump in the shower for a 10 minute soak. To get a fucking move on if they see another customer leaving late and being spoken to by staff.

OP isn't some poor little child who doesn't know how the world works. She can read a clock and knows how long it takes to put clothes on. She'll have learned a lesson today.

I fully accept that the staff member should have been more 'considerate', but the reality is, respect works both ways. You shouldn't expect to be treated wonderfully when you're taking the utter piss out of the staff that work there and likely aren't getting paid for it. Get. Out. The. Door.

"I've worked in health clubs. The male employees always, always either knock loudly and wait then cautiously open the door to the ladies (if they need to go in at all) or more often ask a female member of staff to check if there are women in there before they go in."

Exactly this. Why didn't he knock and shout?

I'm more shocked that you sat in your car and cried just because a man walked in on you naked. Are you really that sensitive?

When can women get upset that our boundaries and dignity have been violated? Are you for real?

Christmas

I can no longer tell who's serious and who's joking in this farcical nonsense (even more so when knackered) so apologies for biting, when we are clearly on the same page.

I am sick of having to defend a female's right not to see penises in their spaces.

A minute or so later he came back in and I said "please don't come in I'm naked". He then stood by the door, where he couldn't see me, and told me off (I can't remember exactly what he said) asked how long I was going to be and said he would cancel my membership then left.

Did anybody read this bit? He came back and told the OP off. He then stood at the desk, so he knew she would have had to pass him and could have spoken to her then. He knew he was in the wrong and wanted to make sure the OP kept her mouth shut by threatening to ban her.

He knew exactly what he was doing and I doubt the bosses would take kindly to a story of a male member of staff entering a female changing room and threatening a customer like that. Something like that getting out wouldn’t exactly encourage females to join, especially those who would be extremely nervous or easily embarrassed at the thought of a man in the changing rooms.

This is a complete invasion of privacy and I would definitely complain. I understand that you went ‘over’ the closing time slightly but what if this had been an older or disabled female who needed longer to shower/get changed. I can totally understand your feelings of degradation and humiliation but this male worker was completely in the wrong. Surely he should have knocked or asked the female employee to check no customers were there before he just barged in and then proceeded to shout abuse at you and threaten to cancel your membership. Good luck with your complaint OP.

My point is, people seem concerned with a male-bodied person going into the female changing rooms but many women don't seem to realise this could, right now, be totally above board (by the policy of the facility) if that person feels their gender is female.

This isn't an exaggeration. It is happening.

Hands don't worry!! No offence taken at all.

Btw OP I can't stand when people are late but ffs one or two minutes late and you're expected to let all and sundry come in? No. YANBU.

He did the wrong thing and should have apologised.