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Original poster

Not going to Xmas play

148 replies

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 19:24

Is it awful not to attend your child’s Xmas play? If they don’t actually have a part in it and will just be singing. I know working parents have no choice but as I’m a sahm would it be totally awful? I went to my DCs a couple of years ago and again neither had a part in the play and was only singing and tbh I couldn’t even see them as was sitting on totally the opposite side so I was basically just watching other people’s children preform.

OP posts:
LilyPinkNoah · 08/12/2019 23:03

Do you want someone to tell you it's ok not to go?

Well no one is forcing you so I give you permission not to go.

But I think it's pretty shit since you're at the school anyway for the review and he will know because kids know this stuff (my dad is dead now but I still remember how he cheered for me once and I knew he was there because of his voice):

CustomerCervixDepartment · 08/12/2019 23:04

He probably will remember, whether you go or not, yeah. Four children is a lot of people to manage, so best think of how to cope with so many kids now, for all the future obligations/emergencies/unexpected stuff etc.

user838383 · 08/12/2019 23:11

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Survivingchipandkippee · 08/12/2019 23:14

I attended my child’s nativity last year. There was a little one that was dressed as Mary (didn’t have any words to say just sit beside Joseph). The little thing cried all way through as her mum was not there. It was so difficult to watch with her being upset.

The kids in the choir have a big part in telling the story and usually sing their hearts out.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 09/12/2019 00:23

If the meeting clashed with the play of course the meeting takes priority, but at it stands you can do both. Yes the review will be stressful, but a nativity is half an hour with a smile pasted on your face, sitting on a chair listening to small children balls up a simple story. Just sit, be still focus on the moment, use it as a method of mindfulness and your child will appreciate you are there.

elp30 · 09/12/2019 01:18

OP,

I attended every single assembly, every single choir performance, Christmas performance and anything related to my son's school. I lie. I skipped one single assembly where my son had a three word sentence. I was very tired because my youngest was up throughout the night and I just couldn't find the energy to attend so I missed it.

He's nearly 28 years old now and his daughter has a Christmas performance on the 20th. He actually told me, "I'm definitely going to find the time to make it because my own mother couldn't bother finding the time to see me at an assembly". Pathetic to me as I attended everything else but he remembers the one time I didn't.

GO!

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 06:05

Op don't go...go easy on yourself. X

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 09/12/2019 06:07

No, don’t go, these plays are dull as dish.

Sparklybaublefest · 09/12/2019 06:09

he does have a part, he is singing

Sparklybaublefest · 09/12/2019 06:09

although my dd cried once that i was there Blush

afterme · 09/12/2019 06:24

I missed a lot of plays etc when I was working full time. I hated it but had no choice.

When I was on maternity leave I went to a class play and at the end the headteacher said to the children, you can go and say hello to your parents now and they all ran over. Two little children didn’t have anyone there and burst into tears.
Then the head tried to console them by saying, don’t worry that your family isn’t here, we are all family in this school .... It was awful and all the parents felt so bad for the two left out.

I do get why it’s not important to you, but your child would still want you there so I think you should go.

LotteLupin · 09/12/2019 06:38

You being there will make your child super happy. You not being will make him sad. That's all.

Yes it's a stressful day with the review, but I think this is a time when you should make the effort. Even if he's just holding up part of the scenery. That's not the point. He's participating and if you don't go, it feels like what he's doing isn't worth seeing. :(

Do it for him.

I know you're doing everything for all of them, all the time, and that is a huge job. But you came here to ask what we thought - I think this is one where you need to make the effort.

SimplySteveRedux · 09/12/2019 06:50

No, don’t go, these plays are dull as dish.

Coz that's what it's all about, right? HmmHmm

ForalltheSaints · 09/12/2019 07:34

You are not obliged to go. If you choose not to, please let your child know.

SallyWD · 09/12/2019 07:48

I can't go this year (first time ever) as I'm involved in a big work event we've spent 18 months working on. If I was at home I'd definitely go. They may "only" be singing but for them it's a big deal. They're always so proud. If you can go, then go!

Isitme13 · 09/12/2019 09:12

OP, I think there’s a lot of people jumping on bandwagon and you’ve had an unbelievably hard time.

I understand the stress of an emergency review. It is (thankfully) many years since I had to attend hostile SEND meeting about my child, but it still brings me out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

I’m sure you’re doing your best for all your dc. It sounds like horrible timing, but it is just one day (of timing clashes - I know full well the rest of it carries on!)

Take 5 minutes. Have a cup of tea, breathe, and then make a plan for the day - what will make attending the nativity easier for you? (I think you know you have to attend, really). Is there anyone you could ask to look after your younger dc (wheresbouts are you - I’ll do it, seriously), or for the review time. Otherwise, the usual - snacks, diversions (favourite program on a tablet/phone plus headphones?) - seriously, whatever it takes.

You can do this. Make sure you plan a nice evening (for you all) afterwards - hot choc, easy tea, Christmas film to watch together, whatever you all enjoy.

And I hope the review goes as well as it can. I have my dd’s annual review tomorrow, and even though it’s not an emergency hostile review, it’s still going to be tough, they always are. I hope you can take 5 minutes for yourself amongst all this too.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/12/2019 09:15

YABU. I work and I always take the day off to go and watch DS's play. No excuse really if you're a SAHM.

Mitsouko67 · 09/12/2019 09:17

OP that sounds tough, parenting alone with a child experiencing difficulties and yes that sounds like a stressful meeting.

You are a carer. Are there more supports available to you. A local community creche for your toddler with possibly supports available for parents/carers you could avail of.eg support person for meetings.

Big picture is you need more supports in your life to manage what you are coping with. They might be out there if you look. Some health nurses in the community can be amazing could they link you in to supports.

Could you ask a friend to go to the concert with you just for the hour and yes to library or similar locally while you wait for meeting.Moral support on the day could help.

Good luck.

Ps if they don't want your child you may be in the wrong place and s/he may get on better elsewhere.

BlouseAndSkirt · 09/12/2019 09:20

Singing is ‘a part’. He will have rehearsed for it.

Hectic yes, but perfectly do-able.

Taking the toddler is part of family life.

Having your Mum there even other people’s Mums are there is important.

You sound a bit lacking in empathy.

Isitme13 · 09/12/2019 09:25

The OP is not the one lacking in empathy here.

She is a tough time, in a very difficult situation. She is doing her best, and has been very reasonable and measured in the face of what has been a disgraceful pile on.

chamenanged · 09/12/2019 09:31

My mum forgot to come to mine once Grin

But yeah, of course you're unreasonable not to go, and you know it.

DogCatHat · 09/12/2019 09:34

@Isitme13 I agree - it's not as if you're planning on skipping his wedding or something, OP! Of course he'd love to have you there, and i do think you should make every effort to go, but ultimately it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it won't help anyone if you're on the verge of a breakdown.

If you really can't make it, make sure he knows in advance, and tell him that you would love to go but it's just not possible, but you'll take him out for hot chocolate afterwards and he can tell you all about it, or something like that. Would there be any possibility that one of his siblings who's at the school could go?

It does sound like you could do with some extra support at the moment. Have you been to see your GP, they can sometimes refer you on to other agencies, or even a short course of medication might help you feel more in control of things? Or have school suggested any support for you? Maybe there's a local community centre where you could find some help if you need it? I know we have one where there's really cheap childcare, for up to 4 hours a week (then you can pay for more hours if you want). Some mums just use it to get some headspace once a week.

user838383 · 09/12/2019 13:50

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