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Original poster

Not going to Xmas play

148 replies

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 19:24

Is it awful not to attend your child’s Xmas play? If they don’t actually have a part in it and will just be singing. I know working parents have no choice but as I’m a sahm would it be totally awful? I went to my DCs a couple of years ago and again neither had a part in the play and was only singing and tbh I couldn’t even see them as was sitting on totally the opposite side so I was basically just watching other people’s children preform.

OP posts:
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 08/12/2019 21:22

I've missed out on way too many of these sorts of things due to work. Dd2 was in an assembly I said I couldn't go to due to work but due to a last minute cancellation I was able to attend, the look on her face when she saw me will be forever etched in my memory. She was overjoyed to see me there. Of course you should go and think how lucky you are that you get to be there when tons of parents all over the country would love to attend events with their kids but can't!

Teachermaths · 08/12/2019 21:23

Kicking her out might be the best thing that happens if she then becomes entitled to alternative provision. An emergency review will be difficult for you but ultimately is the path you and the school need to go down to ensure your child gets the support and provision they are entitled to.

I get that your life isn't a breeze right now. But there are plenty of single mums with full time jobs out there who also have children with SEN. They would give anything to attend a nativity play.

You are choosing to not support your other children basically because you can't be arsed. (You are adament your mental health is ok, I'm not so sure)

MarthasGinYard · 08/12/2019 21:24

I agree Op should try and go but there's no need to question her mental health Hmm

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Events & celebrations Families
Perrinelli81 · 08/12/2019 21:25

If you can then you should.

It sounds like it’s not ideal or easy and you won’t particularly enjoy it, but you probably can just about do it. So I would.

Regardless of what your child is doing in it, he/she will definitely feel aware of other parents are there and you’re not.

Also if your are having a tough time with your elder daughter which will understandably be taking up a lot of your energy, it’s probably even more important to go to your younger child’s performance otherwise they could take a message from it (that I know you wouldn’t mean) that they were less important

Lipz · 08/12/2019 21:25

If you don't feel like going don't. There's no rules saying you have to. I've been to all my kids plays and all things school related. It usually takes an hour max. Maybe go for some of it ? It won't be the end of the world if you don't. My older kids don't even remember me being there.

I have a dd in a special needs school and I've been to two of her plays. I should be going to them all but their plays last 3-4 hours and I feel like ripping my ears off my head !!! As they are all for EVERYONE having a part and each class performing separately it takes forever. It's good but way too long. They lock the hall and the only way of getting out is for principal or deputy to let you out, I've looked like a ninja trying to escape! Then they do a craft fair after. Needless to say I won't be going this year and I don't feel guilty.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 21:27

Exactly making out like I’m mentally unwell is uncalled for. I’m a single mum to 4, absent father and no family, my oldest is disabled I am a carer hence why I’m not working because I’m a carer!! The father hasn’t attended a single thing at the school but god forbid I miss one play then I am evil and mentally unwell.

And dd doesn’t want to leave the school and neither do I want her to, the senco wants her out so I’m having to fight it.

OP posts:
Scarletoharaseyebrows · 08/12/2019 21:28

It isn't about you. It's about your child. The thought of my children looking for me and me not being there would break my heart...

PremierNaps · 08/12/2019 21:28

YABU and should go. Don't teach your child that he isn't important unless he is in the spotlight.

SimonJT · 08/12/2019 21:30

Personally I would go, my son has his on Wednesday (he’s a lamb, and the cutest lamb you have ever seen). He doesn’t say anything, but that doesn’t matter. I work so I can’t go to everything, but if I can get the time off I make sure I’m there.

Teachermaths · 08/12/2019 21:31

No you aren't evil for missing one play.

I'm suggesting you may not be in tip top mental health because you are finding attending 2 things on one day stressful. For most people this would not be stressful or hectic. They wouldn't try and get out of one of the things.

Is the school the right place for your dd? It's incredibly difficult to remove a child with SEND.

Soubriquet · 08/12/2019 21:35

I hate the school plays

The singing always make me cringe. But I still go because it’s important to my kids

abouttime2 · 08/12/2019 21:37

The fact you have a meeting for another child that day is irrelevant- both children need a bit of your time and attention that day. You just need to manage to be there for both of them.

Your job is literally to be a parent. (I'm not judging that, I was a sahm for a period of time)

thetardis · 08/12/2019 21:41

my personal favourite of all time was a tedious recital in church hall that kid 1 was in for about 3 minutes in a choi of 20+. starring a kid who couldn't hit a note singing OR playing the piano attempting to both in tandem.

with teasing pauses where you thought for a second it might have been then end. for about 20 mins. was in literal (silent!) hysterics Blush

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 21:41

It’s not for anyone to question OPs mental health based on this thread ffs. She’s a single parent to 4 dc, one of whom has additional needs and may be excluded from school, it’s hardly surprising she’s feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. I can’t imagine it’s helpful to hear “maybe it’s for the best” as though there’s just soooo much support available... Though I’m surprised a teacher doesn’t know that Hmm.

OP I really do sympathise but your dds meeting is happening that day whether you attend the play or not and it will be stressful, whether you attend the play or not. In your shoes I’d go - for ds sake or even as a distraction.

Best of luck at the review meeting Flowers.

Teachermaths · 08/12/2019 21:50

One of the "hoops" that parents of children with SEND have to jump through is to be removed from mainstream school. This is incredibly difficult for schools to do (it takes years in my experience). Only then can parents access alternative provision.

I'm not saying there's loads of support out there. Believe me I know how difficult it is working in a school with no funding trying to provide as best you can for students with SEND. But if being removed from school is a hoop that needs jumping through then it probably is eventually for the best. If the school cannot adequately meet the child's needs then the child is entitled to schooling elsewhere.

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 21:57

Teachermaths your comments in that regard might be helpful to OP if she was posting for advice on that subject. You chose to casually throw in your it might be for the best comment at the same time as suggesting the OP has MH issues because you are finding attending 2 things on one day stressful. As though a trip to fucking Tesco is what’s pushing her over the edge. I think you’re callously needling the OP by pushing your views on her MH and seem incapable of a bit of empathy. I’m surprised you’re so quick to minimize someone’s else’s stressful situation, don’t you do the most stressful job on the planet Confused?

CameraTime · 08/12/2019 22:04

OP, I can see how that would be a stressful meeting and it'll be a long day for you. However, you'll be at the school anyway to do drop-off, won't you? So it would just involve staying to watch the play, you wouldn't have to go home and come back?

I think in your shoes I would go. It'll entertain the toddler for half an hour and you can just try to relax. It'll mean that when DS asks you about it later you can say "Yes, it was great, I really liked that song about the wise men! Can you sing it for me?". Honestly, you don't even have to concentrate, just make a mental note of one or two things to mention, that's all it'll take, and he'll be delighted.

Hope the meeting goes well for you and DD.

Teachermaths · 08/12/2019 22:09

Great petty comment about the most stressful job. ODFOD.

Gottalovesummer · 08/12/2019 22:16

This thread is a sad read.

If parents can't make the nativity/assembly/school concert etc, then at least try and send someone else along. . . A grandparent/auntie/childminder.

I'm a childminder and have attended several nativity plays and sports days for my minded children, when their parents have been unable to make it. The children are always so happy to have someone there to cheer them on.

Why wouldn't you go if you were able to? You may be feeling under pressure with other commitments, but , come on, these concerts are usually less than an hour long.

Go, support your child! Your child will be so happy!

userhdhdhdhd · 08/12/2019 22:17

You sound like you've made up your mind about going and you were purely looking to be reassured that it's okay - it's not. Just do what you are going to do and stop trying to justify it

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 08/12/2019 22:26

Your child will still know you're there or not. My DD just had her Nativity for reception. She was a star at the back, facing the back and refusing to sing. But she was so excited I came even though I couldn't see her. Dh and I left work early to see her. I wanted to support her.

moooove · 08/12/2019 22:28

Op I see you've posted at Cunt O'Clock around here.

The people having a go at a single mum of 4, one with additional needs, who is obviously stressed and having a hard time - you're a nasty bunch. She's not talking about drowning kittens. You all need to get a grip.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 08/12/2019 22:42

If you are determined not to go, please make sure you do is aware of this in advance. I'm a TA and I can't tell you how heartbreaking it is to have to try and comfort a little child whose parent hasn't turned up to an event. It doesn't matter whether YOU think it's important to be there, to most children it is a really big deal, regardless of whether they have a part or not. I've had to look after several children who have become upset when nobody has come to see them in harvest assembly/nativity/class assembly etc.

minipie · 08/12/2019 22:43

Can you make the day less stressful for yourself in any other way OP? For example is there anyone who could mind the toddler at least while you do the review? Or if it’s a long journey to and from school, could you stay near school in between nativity and review (hang out in local cafe and library for example?)

StCharlotte · 08/12/2019 22:57

I doubt he is going to remember something from 5, I certainly don’t remember if my mum attended my nativity, I don’t even remember my nativity!

I do. And it was 50 years ago. (She didn't attend.)

I'm so sorry you're facing such a stressful time but this is a rare chance for the younger one to be the most "important" one in your life for an hour or so and I think you should go for their sake. In the greater scheme of things, it's just one day Smile

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