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Original poster

Not going to Xmas play

148 replies

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 19:24

Is it awful not to attend your child’s Xmas play? If they don’t actually have a part in it and will just be singing. I know working parents have no choice but as I’m a sahm would it be totally awful? I went to my DCs a couple of years ago and again neither had a part in the play and was only singing and tbh I couldn’t even see them as was sitting on totally the opposite side so I was basically just watching other people’s children preform.

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 20:42

Now I need to see a gp Hmm because I’m finding things stressful

OP posts:
stickerqueen · 08/12/2019 20:48

i would go my dd was really upset because i could not go to one of her plays once ds was born I was breastfeeding he would not take a bottle the school didn't allow babies or siblings to attend. Dd refused to say her lines she was too upset.

WoWsers16 · 08/12/2019 20:49

For me , you are a stay at home mum- that's fine- why on earth don't you want to go!?! As a working mother I struggle to get time off to see my boys and have to choose things to miss which makes me feel so sad. I wouldn't care that I couldn't see him- just being there would be enough.
I don't understand the hectic day- trust me that is not hectic, maybe stressful- however again I wouldn't say enough for you to miss the nativity.
Personally I think you're being a bit - lazy in a way- a stay at home mum - I'd love to be a stay at home mum! I'd go to everything!

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user838383 · 08/12/2019 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 08/12/2019 20:50

It’s even more important to go, just to make your child feel important even though he doesn’t have a big role. You just can’t justify it, no matter hard you try.

Kapsauss · 08/12/2019 20:51

You are very much BU for not going! My kids have had only singing parts past 4 years and this year one of them has couple of lines too. I would never ever miss these. I book time off from work for all kids/school related events as they are small only once!
You described your hectic day - that's a quiet Thursday for me. Try this - drop kids to school, then attend younger kids school activity, then rush to work (only 3h to spare with 1h travel times each way), then back to school for afternoon for older kids activity. Literally after this pick up youngest, go home, 45mins later go out again to pick up eldest from after school activities. Get home, dinner, then 45min later back out again for another after school activity. Then get home around 7, have dinner and go to bed. Also add wfh/doing appointments/errands etc into this 24h.
And you can't find the time for a school play? Like someone already said - it's your "job".

user838383 · 08/12/2019 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kapsauss · 08/12/2019 20:55

Gruzinkerbell1 👍😁

thetardis · 08/12/2019 21:00

at times i've had to ration what i can attend re school stuff as an ASD SAHM (long explained as straight-up depression/anxiety)

the one thing i wouldn't have missed for the world is the nativity play.

you can slink in late, stand at the back, wave at child on bench, make minimal eye-contact with significant adults, grab a cwtch and a photo with kid in outfit and run away before the mince pies are even brought out.

i've been that parent that didn't stay for the other half of a full-morning, four-school-year production, slinking in/out at half-time to shameful glances but i'd never once have missed it as a personal highlight of the entire parenting rigmarole :)

(tissues for during and dark glasses for afters optional ;))

VenusTiger · 08/12/2019 21:01

Your DC told you where they were sitting... why do you think they told you that OP?

VenusTiger · 08/12/2019 21:02

@Gruzinkerbell1 that’s what I said... madness, utter madness.

Canyousewcushions · 08/12/2019 21:02

I've taken time off work to see my daughter 'perform' in her nativity- she was sat at the back of the chorus, dressed as an angel. I couldn't really see her for most of it but she'd caught my eye and waved as she came in.

I was in the office at 7am, het to meetings etc, then had to collect from from nursery at lunchtime to get her over to preschool for the show, returning her afterwards and finishing off an afternoon in a reasonably intense job at home as I needed to fit in a full working day around it. Your day sounds positively relaxed!!

It meant so much to her that I came to see her and told her afterwards how wonderful she was- it was well worth busting a gut to get to it.

NichyNoo · 08/12/2019 21:03

Bloody hell OP. You're a SAHM with literally nothing else to do. You either go to the play or sit and watch TV. Some of us work full time, volunteer with the PA, volunteer with Beavers and sit here stressing about asking for time off work to see DC sing a random song in a school play. Fucking hell.

worriedandannoyed · 08/12/2019 21:04

Our school do so many events in school time that they invite parents to attend it can be difficult to attend but I've always managed to make them all - even though I woke 4 days a week.

Last Mother's Day they did an afternoon where mums could go in at 2pm to play with their children and then be presented with a present they'd all made and they sing some songs. It was lovely. Every single mum made it apart from one, I'd spoken to her in the playground that morning and she said she couldn't be bothered. Her son cried the whole afternoon. Children need to know you can make the effort for them when all their friends mums do

BilboBercow · 08/12/2019 21:10

OP you set up this thread to ask if you would be unreasonable. Literally everyone has said you would. Now you're unhappy you didn't get the response you wanted.

Teachermaths · 08/12/2019 21:12

Yes you do need to see a GP if you find attending a nativity, going home, then goijg back to school for a meeting a stressful or hectic day. For most people that would be an easy day.

Perhaps your mental health isn't as good as you think.

thetardis · 08/12/2019 21:13

just to eta to previous post: i have no religious affiliation/belief, our primary was a mix of (i think) all the major religions plus some of the more niche ones and 30+ native languages spoken at home.

the bits that brought all the school communities together including xmas/leavers shows) were by far the most memorable.

also, my mum coming to my youngest's last ever primary xmas show during her (my mum's) chemo was emotional and memorable for all the right reasons. if we hadn't previously made it a "big deal" it wouldn't have had half the resonance it did.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 21:17

A meeting? As I’ve tried to explain several times it is an emergency annual review as the school are trying to kick my daughter out, yes that is stressful. I am a single mum to 4 one with asd and I do it all alone yes life is stressful. I’m not mentally unwell because things are on top of me at the moment.

OP posts:
WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 21:19

I do appreciate that you’re going through a stressful situation with your other child but the fact is you can go, you’re choosing not to and justifying your reasons to yourself. It’s easy to become stressed and overwhelmed by the practicalities of life but it’s important not to get so jaded you become oblivious to the important events in their little lives.

You’re his mum, you’re his only person to be proud and impressed by this thing that to him is a big, exciting event that they’ll have spent loads of time rehearsing and getting excited and nervous for. You don’t have to do anything but be there.

Alrighteo · 08/12/2019 21:19

Aw. This thread has made me feel really sad for your little lad.

Tutlefru · 08/12/2019 21:20

As I said earlier wouldn’t it be a nice thing to go watch then? After all the stress?

Todaythiscouldbe · 08/12/2019 21:21

I'm sure a lot of people have extremely stressful things going on in our lives. As a parent you occasionally have to put your feelings to one side and just get on with it. It's one day, it will be worth it to your son.

wasthatamistake · 08/12/2019 21:21

Get real teacher. Her child is possibly being kicked out, of course that's stressful. Don't be so bloody patronising.

Op you're obviously having a hard time. Have you made a thread about what's happening with your eldest? Maybe you'd be better posting about that and getting some advice.

Sirzy · 08/12/2019 21:22

I know very well how tough emergency annual reviews are. I still think you are being unreasonable not to go.

Infact Ds annual review is this week and my nephews play is the same day. I will be doing both, wouldn’t cross my mind not too after he asked me to watch him

Itsashame · 08/12/2019 21:22

Stop arguing with us op! You’ve had your answer in spades. So go to the play. Or don’t go which is what I suspect you will do.