Is anyone else who didn't grow up with Santa finding it a bit uncomfortable?

[OctopusNow]

I was ok with Santa as a story and never tried to make out it was real. Obviously there are loads of books about Santa and he learns about it at nursery. I've even visited a little grotto with DS.

This year however, DH wants to do the whole leaving a drink out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph and for some reason it's a step too far and is making me feel really uncomfortable.

I don't want to make DS think that an actual bloke is really going to turn up in his house, it's a bit weird.

ADH thinks it's normal because he grew up with it but I didn't. I'm wondering whether to just make it a thing for DS and DH to do together but DH seems to think I'm being unreasonable not to throw myself into the lies.

I wouldn't say anything contradictory, I just wouldn't be involved or talk about it.
If DS talks about Santa at the moment I show interest and don't deny it, I just don't push it.

Is it just me that feels this way?

I have a lovely Hindu friend. She has lived in the uk for a few years but hadn’t ever experienced Christmas.
She asked me loads of questions one year about Christmas traditions.
She was really interested in Father Christmas. I explained about leaving out whisky and a mince pie. She asked what happened to it. I told her that your mum or dad would eat it. She was shocked and said ‘you eat the offering to your god?’ She didn’t realise that only children believe in him, she thought we all did

Its not about you it's about your child it sounds like you were deprived a little bit in your childhood the best thing about Christmas for kids is the excitement of Santa don't deprive your child just cos you were. There is nothing to b uncomfortable about believing in Santa is magical and one of the best things about being a child his friends will be talking about it too u don't have to go overboard but carrots mince pies and a drink for Santa is 100% normal as us hanging up a stocking they don't believe for long so embrace it and enjoy it

I find the idea of Santa magical and fun but I don't think there's anything wrong with your DH doing it and you staying out of it if you're uncomfortable but happy for DS and DH to have it as their thing.

@onesnowballshort I am a JW so I know what I believe in. The Bible we use can be compared to any Bible in circulation from any time period. The only thing that's changed is the language used is now modern english and not latin or olde Engliah as in the King James Bible. I dont want to hijack this thread but you're right we dont believe the trinity is a Bible teaching but we definitely believe in Jesus xxx sorry again for replying to a thread not directly the OPs content xx

But they can do all those things and enjoy them without literally believing a bearded bloke in a red suit magically circumnavigates the globe and comes down their chimney. Children aren’t that literal.

And lots of DS’s classmates are Hindus, Muslims or Sikhs who either don’t do Christmas at all, or don't do Santa Claus as present purveyor if they do.

Why on earth can’t people accept that families don’t all celebrate Christmas in the same way - and that is absolutely fine. There is absolutely no law that says you have to encourage your children to believe in a man that doesn’t exist. To describe children who grow up in families who don’t ‘do’ Santa as ‘deprived’ is so insulting. What next - posts saying ‘My next door neighbour doesn’t ‘do’ Santa - should I call Social Services.’

I see where you are coming from OP. Father Christmas featured when my children were young. We left food out and hang stockings etc but I don’t think anyone believed he was for real except perhaps when they were really young. I also can never remember believing he was real as a child. He was just a mythical figure.

I find it really strange that quite old children believe in FC and think they must be pretending or really dim. I also think some parents take the believing in FC far too far. I have seen people insisting children secondary school believe in FC here on MN

'How on earth did you celebrate Christmas if you didn't do Santa? Where did you think that your presents came from?'

The utter and evidently genuine astonishment in this question uphtread baffles me.

I really, really dont remember this level of zealotry (not sure what else to call it) around Santa/FC when I was growing up. Yes, it was a 'thing' and my parents did it - I doubt I 'believed', if ever, much past about 4, but I loved the excitement of it all the same and was perfectly able to see the brandy/carrot/mince pie as a sweet ritual. But what I don't remember is this fever-pitch commitment to 'believing' and maintaining the 'magic' at all costs - as if something has to be (seen as) literally true to be magical* - including massive offence taken, to the point of social ostracism, at children/parents who don't keep up the narrative.

I don't live in the UK and the main approach to the various Santa-type figures (varies from region to region) here appears to be broadly in line with mine - we do the traditions to a certain extent but always on the implicit understanding that it's a lovely story.

*I'm sure there are tons of earnest posts on here about the importance of imaginative play. How is that any less 'magical' for the child immersed in her/his game because that child knows they aren't actually a horse/their Playmobil people don't talk/their cardboard box isn't a pirate ship? The joy is in the otherworldliness of it, the suspension of disbelief.

Where do the presents come from? From family and friends. I don’t buy that even young children are not aware of their parents going Christmas shopping.

Why didn't you have Santa growing up? Surely you must have friends who did, or did you live in a country or culture that didn't?

I think classifying it as lies is all a bit much, technically correct, but it's just a bit of fun that creates magic for small children.

Does it really make you so uncomfortable you can't do it for your kid, and if so can you understand why you've such a reaction? Do you resent the fact you didn't have it as a kid?

I'm in two minds about the 'lies' thing. I don't hold with the disapproving remarks about 'lying to your children' when what's going on is the typical benign Santa tradition and parents accept with good grace when the game is up. I do think it starts tipping over into something akin to lying, though, when a degree of emotional energy and investment is put into maintaining the pretence (the sort of degree we see on posts on here) and/or it is used as a disciplinary tool, and the whole 'if you don't believe, hw won't come' response to a challenge from a child is actually proper manipulative lying. I guess the line is when it stops being a 'bit of fun' and becomes something that needs to be clutched onto at all costs/aggressively defended.

I honestly didn't realize before Mumsnet that a lot of people actually believed in Santa. When we were little we knew about santa and even did the carrot/mince pie, sherry red wine (Dad's tipple) thing but it was all a game - we never actually believed it... I dunno, isn't it a bit weird deliberately telling your child something that isn't true? I was a super critical kid (I remember from a very young age demanding to know how all the characters in the Disney films knew the words to the songs) I'd have found the idea that someone can magically appear in your house very confusing!

It makes me uncomfortable too OP.

When I found out Santa didn’t exist, I felt stupid and a bit exploited. I felt it was for the adults and not for me. I felt tricked and my feelings manipulated.

I won’t lie to my dc. I treat it as any other story. If asked, I tell them it’s a game that everyone enjoys playing.

They have plenty of magic thank you and still love Christmas.

What I refuse to do is anything about being good to deserve presents.

It was only on Mn that I came across adults who took other people’s decision not to do Santa Claus as literally real so intensely personally.

Mind you, it was also only on Mn that I encountered parents who seemed to think that ‘childhood innocence’ was a state based on a literal belief in Santa and ignorance of the basics of human reproduction.

I’m amazed at the number of people who cannot understand how the op didn’t have Father Christmas growing up.

Not everyone grew up in a country or with a faith that celebrates Christmas.

@Bluntness100
Does it really make you so uncomfortable you can't do it for your kid, and if so can you understand why you've such a reaction? Do you resent the fact you didn't have it as a kid?

Wow, this is such a f*ing reach. I hope you stretched beforehand.

Sorry for my delay at replying, life got in the way!
@memaymamo my query regarding Christian groups who don't celebrate Christmas was prompted by a comment by @housinghelp101 who mentioned Plymouth brethren and some Baptist's. I know a number of both and they all celebrate Christmas. Not sure on free presbyterians though.

Thank you for replying though.