Is anyone else who didn't grow up with Santa finding it a bit uncomfortable?

[OctopusNow]

I was ok with Santa as a story and never tried to make out it was real. Obviously there are loads of books about Santa and he learns about it at nursery. I've even visited a little grotto with DS.

This year however, DH wants to do the whole leaving a drink out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph and for some reason it's a step too far and is making me feel really uncomfortable.

I don't want to make DS think that an actual bloke is really going to turn up in his house, it's a bit weird.

ADH thinks it's normal because he grew up with it but I didn't. I'm wondering whether to just make it a thing for DS and DH to do together but DH seems to think I'm being unreasonable not to throw myself into the lies.

I wouldn't say anything contradictory, I just wouldn't be involved or talk about it.
If DS talks about Santa at the moment I show interest and don't deny it, I just don't push it.

Is it just me that feels this way?

@OctopusNow you are not an awful mother. Get that thought out of your head right now. I also didn’t grow up believing in Santa Claus. I had never even heard of him until I was about 6 years old. At that point I accepted him as this extra Christmas character for the season but never pinned my life on him.

There seems to be an obsession on MN or maybe the UK in general about Santa. And what’s all this malarkey about Christmas having to be so magical for children?? What about just fun or happy? Impressing upon mothers or parents in general that Xmas need be magical sets up this giant arms race of make believe and presents. It’s okay to just have fun hanging out with your family and talking without all the pretense of reindeer hooves in snow/flour/sugar or what have you.

And présents came from the people who gave them @ManonBlackbeak et al. That’s what made it fun and magical. (🤮) This person knew you well enough to make or get something for you that you liked. Simple, done.

@OctopusNow I would tell your husband you’re fine to pretend to an extent but are skipping the elaborate lying. Your husband can take on all the work of setting the Santa fantasy up without too much of your help. I have a feeling that once he sees how much work it is without shoving it onto you, he’ll curtail a lot of his efforts.

He did not go into my kid’s bedrooms, we did the American way of hanging the stockings by the fire. Mostly so I didn’t have to do that bollocks of waiting until an over excited child has finally gone to sleep!

Yes, we do the stocking by the fire place as well. Far easier. No excited child and trying to stay awake myself to sneak it in the bedroom.

It's incredible how sheltered and ignorant some people are that think it is some worldwide cultural norm to a) Celebrate Christmas b) include Father Christmas as part of those celebrations c) That FC is intrinsic part of the celebration for all Christians.

@Juliette20 seriously! Some of these reactions are just weird as if the OP and others will traumatize their children by not leaving out treats for Santa and reindeer. Bizarre.

My parents did a stocking from Father Christmas and I worked out fairly young that it wasn’t real. I still found Christmas hugely exciting - a big sparkly Christmas tree with a pile of presents underneath! So I do find it weird how on here believing in Santa is for most people the be all and end all of making kids’ Christmas ‘magical’. On having children myself I went along with it but did find the lying a little uncomfortable at first. I was a bit startled last year to realise DS aged 9 still believed, bless him. Hoping he works it out for himself before he gets embarrassed at school, or I’ll have to have an awkward conversation before he goes to high school!

Juliette
Jings

The thing is children talk and watch tv. Dd learnt about Santa mainly from Peppa Pig when she was 2. She was then fixated on getting a doll that walks and talks and closes its eyes when it goes to sleep (Peppa’s request). When she was nursery age, she learnt about leaving milk and a mince pie. A couple of years later, she asked why we didn’t leave a carrot so that year we did. Then dd wanted an elf on the shelf last year - I’d avoided getting one before then as they’re not my thing. She also heard about the delivery of a Christmas box the night before with new pjs and other stuff. I just roll with things a bit and said she gets an extra gift in her stocking instead, which she was happy with.

Of course the mythical Santa isn’t giving gifts all over the world or in every UK household. There are mythical deities and creatures in other cultures around the world.... Schools teach a little about other cultures and beliefs even in primary. And it’s not about traumatising a child. But children talk and parents make up their own minds about how to tackle this issue.

There are other threads on the flip side, where posters think it’s traumatising kids to even do Santa.

Some of you seem not to realise that the U.K. is a Christian country. and in a Christian country Christmas is celebrated.

Santa coming down the chimney has nothing to do with the Christian Christmas story. Many Christians don’t do Father Christmas because it gets in the way of what they believe is the really important part of Christmas. That’s not to say they don’t have presents and “magical” Christmases.

Do you see many grown ups walking around traumatised by putting out a mince pie for a fictional bloke in a red costume ?

True dat!

Most well-adjusted parents I've met happily go along with these fantasies rather than worriedly saying "No dd, you're lying. You're not an Octonaut. The Octonauts don't actually exist"

Exactly, I don't yet tell DS statistically he's unlikely to be a footballer when he's older etc

...I think the whole cookie and milk thing is a bit far tbh. We always had a present under the tree from 'Santa' but as I got to 7ish I knew it was just a tongue in cheek thing. And didn't feel massively betrayed or lied too.

I mean no way would I tell my kids he wasn't real but...cookies and milk just seems like lying to them for the sake of it tbh. It's like taking the lie baton and running with it way beyond the finish line.

So I totally agree with you.

We didn’t ‘do’ Santa - I had no idea it was akin to stamping on kittens until I started to read posts on Mumsnet. My teenage children seem absolutely fine - no lasting damage done! A colleague of mine recently told her year 6 daughter ‘If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.’ when she asked about Santa- because she didn’t want her to spoil it for her younger brother. That did make me feel uncomfortable.

Like many others here, we've always treated the whole Santa thing with a wink and not gone out of our way to convince the children he's real. That's exactly how my parents did it, and my DH's parents were the same.

Christmas has always been my favourite time of year despite never believing Santa was real. My children are both incredibly excited about Christmas coming, yet neither thinks Santa is real.

Santa is not an essential part of Christmas at all!

so you never thought your toys came to life when you weren’t in your room....

Omg that would have scared the crap out of me ,my toys coming to life

Some posters are getting ridiculously whipped up about this. I totally get what you're saying OP. As children we never did Santa; older siblings made sure us younger ones knew it wasn't real. It didn't stop me loving Christmas, and I still do!

Lying is endemic in my family and has caused no end of distress and fall-outs over the years, so I too felt queasy about bare-faced lying to my children. Probably (definitely) over reacting, but I worried they would grow up distrusting me as I distrust my lying mother. But I went along with it and got into it over the years. Father Christmas used to write each one a letter (taught myself calligraphy even!)rolled up like a scroll and tied with a ribbon, summarising their year ("how wonderful that you were a flowergirl at auntie xxxx's wedding, and I thought your school play when you were the xxxx was marvellous", kind of thing). My adult, married DC still have those and cherish them. I was projecting my issues when I had my wobble over the whole santa thing, but I'm glad I let them believe for a while, and they don't hate me for it

I was brought up strictly Christian. Santa/Father Christmas had no place at all in our family Christmases. We had a stocking from mum and dad - with a tangerine in the toe, etc - stuff we've carried on with our kids. We had presents from all our relatives. We had feasting and games and silliness - and God. No Santa. Didn't matter one jot.

I am an atheist, always have been at heart really, but still see no need to have a Santa infused December. The God stuff is the story of why we have Christmas here. ("Christians believe....") Whereas Santa etc is treated as a folk tale. ("Some children believe...")

Even though I loved knowing which things in books were real and which were not, there are two Roald Dahl books which have the ending where the title character "sat down and wrote his adventures as a book. And that is what you have just finished reading."

I remember feeling at the age of 8 that I really wanted that to be true, and that James Henry Trotter's peach stone house might really be in Central Park, even though my head was telling me that this couldn't possibly be true. I'd imagine some children feel the same about FC when they "realise".

So many cheerless and uptight people. Christmas is magical for most children.

My kids are 17 and 15. When they were younger we did the full Father Christmas. Glitter outside, footprints, carrot, mince pie, glass of something. I loved it and they were so excited when they were little seeing the stocking on their bed and seeing the mess naughty Rodolph had made with his muddy hooves. Guess what they are not traumatised or needing help. We have lovely memories.

What's really upsetting me is that DS and DH get a stocking and you don't!

How does DH plan on explaining that?!

I'm shocked that so many people,leave a miserable glass of cold milk for Father Christmas. How would you like cold milk on a brass-monkey midwinter night? Give him a tot of whisky or brandy, or even sherry FGS - poor old thing, he needs something to warm him up a bit!

So many cheerless and uptight people. Christmas is magical for most children

Meaning what?

I remember asking ds who was about 8 at the time what his best bit of Christmas was and I was fully expecting him to say presents but he said he loves Christmas dinner and all sitting round the table pulling crackers and laughing. That's 'magical' enough for me

Christmas is not about who brings the presents and if it is then that's not a Christmas I'm interested in,saying that ds is 18 and we all have stockings

@Booboostwo
I made no mention of Santa Claus in my post. Your frothing probably overcame you in your desperation to post a rebuttal of mine. Check your comprehension next time.

I find it incrediably odd that you didnt grow up with Santa. How on earth did you celebrate Christmas if you didn't do Santa? Where did you think that your presents came from?

Sorry to sound rude, but Im genuinely interested as I don't think Ive ever met anyone who 'didnt do Santa'.

I also grew up without Santa, except as a nice make-believe story. Noone pretended it was real. Presents came from family and friends. Christmas was still fun.

Do Santa or don't do Santa, I don't see it as a big deal either way.

We never really did Santa with our children, I just really struggled with the lies and they were wholly unconvinced by fake Santas when they were little. We put out a mince pie, carrot and Baileys by the fireplace in Christmas Eve and a sack full of presents appears overnight but we all know it is me doing it, we just have a laugh and joke about it.

They are 10 and 7 and love Christmas...they know not to tell their friends that Santa isn't real.

Not entirely the point of the thread but as there are several comments about Christmas, the U.K. being Christian, Christmas being Christian, non-Christians and Christmas, I thought I’d add...

...not all Christians celebrate Christmas

I’ll just leave it at that.