Is anyone else who didn't grow up with Santa finding it a bit uncomfortable?

[OctopusNow]

I was ok with Santa as a story and never tried to make out it was real. Obviously there are loads of books about Santa and he learns about it at nursery. I've even visited a little grotto with DS.

This year however, DH wants to do the whole leaving a drink out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph and for some reason it's a step too far and is making me feel really uncomfortable.

I don't want to make DS think that an actual bloke is really going to turn up in his house, it's a bit weird.

ADH thinks it's normal because he grew up with it but I didn't. I'm wondering whether to just make it a thing for DS and DH to do together but DH seems to think I'm being unreasonable not to throw myself into the lies.

I wouldn't say anything contradictory, I just wouldn't be involved or talk about it.
If DS talks about Santa at the moment I show interest and don't deny it, I just don't push it.

Is it just me that feels this way?

ManonBlackbeak

The Dutch celebrate St Nicholas early December and some people put further presents under the Christmas tree. Santa does not tend to be involved with that.

Father Christmas was always something I enjoyed pretending to believe in rather than ever truly believing. Like fairies and pixies. It’s just a bit of childlike fun.

If you don’t care about these things and your OH finds some magic in them, what is the problem? I can assure you he is going to spend most of his life not believing in Santa anyway, so let your child and husband enjoy the season while they can, it is not all about you.

I did grow up with Santa, and I find the degree to which Santa dominates Christmas weird.

To me it's a small part of the excitement around Christmas, just the stockings come from him, and believing is only for little kids who are too young to put two and two together. Now it seems to be the main thing, all the presents are from him for some reason, these Elves and I see parents trying to carry it on even when their kids are working it out. I find it contributes to the consumerism around Christmas, and a focus on presents.

My dh didn't want to do Santa at all, I wanted to do it but was happy to make it a small part of our day. We see him at the Christmas Fayre, we put out a mince pie and have stockings. That's it.

My 4 year old said she wanted to know the truth, so we told her. If a child says they don't think Santa is possible then I'd find it odd to insist otherwise! She wasn't at all upset, just interested.

Some people were aghast "it must have spoilt her Christmas". Well, no. Plenty to enjoy. She still enjoys the Santa stuff as much as before actually, when we went to the Grotto at her school Christmas Fayre I think she temporarily believed it was real during the visit, but later enjoyed telling me he was dressing up and how she worked it out. And she was always a bit puzzled by Santa and asking how he got into our house (no chimney) and other practical questions.

Personally I find doing "Santa Lite" works for our family. If your dh is keen to do it perhaps you could have it as a small part of Christmas?

I think it's worth remembering that young children's relationship between truth and fiction is much more flexible than an adult's. A lot of them spend half their time pretending to be animals or fictional characters. Most well-adjusted parents I've met happily go along with these fantasies rather than worriedly saying "No dd, you're lying. You're not an Octonaut. The Octonauts don't actually exist".

It's your rational, safety-conscious, adult brain that's thinking 'strange, bearded man in my house - eek!' To your children, Father Christmas is a wonderful, magical, entirely good and benign person. Unless you paint him otherwise. By all means don't do the santa thing if you're uncomfortable with it, but don't convince yourself it's for your child's benefit.

@TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway

I completely agree with what you are saying there. Luckily for me that's how my husband wants to celebrate it as well.

If your son is into it, just let him enjoy himself.

I sort of see where you are coming from though. We did Santa when I was a kid but I can't remember ever believing in it so found the whole thing over the top and my parents quickly gave up on the pretense ,which was fine by me. It would have felt quite patronising if they had carried on with that rubbish.

I didn’t grow up with santa (or xmas at all), I don’t do santa with my son or really decorate. We do buy each other presents though. As he knows I’m doing the buying he doesn’t ask for anything too outlandish.

Hmm

I’m going along with Santa because I feel pressured to but I’m not going to be doing anything beyond saying he has been and so on.

If a story works, it should work without attempts to make it real, so to speak.

How on earth did you celebrate Christmas if you didn't do Santa? Where did you think that your presents came from?

In my house and in the houses of most people I know, Father Christmas just brings the little stocking fillers. The main presents are from whoever bought them. So it would be perfectly possible to have Christmas without FC - you just wouldn't do stockings.

My DH didn't do this at Christmas, because his DM didn't know about it, UK christian family. I was shocked when they told me, but I guess if they didn't know then didn't miss it. Luckily DH is on board with my traditions, although DD is insisting on orange juice and carrot cake to be left out.

We did Santa until I was about 5 - I find it very very odd all these 11 and 12 year olds still believing.

I am not doing Santa with my own DCs other than as a pretend fun and games type thing. The magic of Christmas is about having fun together, and seeing family and friends. Gift giving should be about making other people happy, not seeing how much crap you can fit in a list.

As for your situation I have no tips. I'm a single parent so I don't really have anyone telling me to do things differently. I'd be inclined to tell DH it's their special thing and you will participate in "Santa lite", but won't lie if asked directly. Seems like a good compromise.

These threads always depress me. Is it so hard to add a little magic into kids lives? Just go with it, you will only have to do it 6-9 times before they grow out of Santa.

Don’t be daft, it’s the presents the kids find magical

How uncomfortable do you feel reading nursery rhymes to him @OctopusNow ? Same thing.... there’s no talking cat wearing human garments.

I didn't grow up believing Santa was real, and my parents didn't "do" Santa: to me he was a fictional character. I knew for a fact that the "Santa" who came to our school was just somebody dressed as him. As a child, I had very black and white views on what was real and what was not, so I think my parents would have struggled to convince me. I loved knowing which things in fairy tales were real: wolves and foxes are real animals, but not talking ones, and which things in fairy tales were not real (although my parents briefly fooled me with the tooth fairy). It was only much later that I learned that many parents really try to convince children that Santa is real, and are "devasted" when the children find out the truth.

I don't have children, but if I did, I would really struggle to feed them the "Santa is real" line. I do also get really annoyed by Santa's ubiquity, and the whole "have you been good for Santa?" really drives me mad, as does that awful song "Santa Claus is coming to town".

I remember also this dialogue, when my dad was reading Roald Dahl's The Witches to my then seven-year-old brother:
Dad (reading): In fairy tales, witches always wear silly black hats and cloaks, and they ride on broomsticks. (Dramatic whisper) But this is not a fairy tale. This is about REAL witches. A REAL WITCH hates children with a red-hot sizzling hatred.
Brother (fearful): Is this real?
Dad (without hesitation): No.
Lots of parents reading the book might have replied "of course".

Bit different venus, I mean, no one actually tries to make the child think said cat exists.

For the pp who says she finds it odd 11 year old believing, I find it sad that 4 year old are told that santa doesn't exist! Different strokes and all that

How does being uncomfortable with something equate to "being traumatised" exactly?

Glad some of you get it.

I'm happy to go along with fantasy and make believe but outright lying just feels wrong to me.

Butterisbest not all versions of Christianity include Santa Claus. The orthodox version Agios Vasilis is celebrated on New Year’s day, the day he was supposed to have died. Saint Nicolas is also associated with Christmas but celebrated in early December. The modern version of Santa Claus is more of a literary and marketing creation than a religious one.

@wanderings, thanks, you explained it far better than me.

Some replies are really harsh, I haven't said I want to "ruin the magic of Christmas", I haven't said I'll tell DS he isn't real or that I'll have nothing to do with any of it. I just admitting to feeling uncomfortable with certain parts. I didn't know this was so unthinkable!

This approach might work for you - dalemcgowan.com/santa-claus-the-ultimate-dry-run-4/ Basically going along with it in a playful way but never outright lying (saying things like "some people believe...") and allowing the child to find out for themselves when ready.

@ManonBlackbeak
The presents came from the person who bought them.

It's a white lie, which means it doesn't hurt the person you tell it to. It's wonderful as a child and as a parent doing Father Christmas. We even tracked Father Christmas on Norad. I miss doing it now my dcs are older.

We didn’t do it when I was a child, I always felt hard done by tbh, so no... I wasn’t uncomfortable doing it for my DC.