How do you feel your life is turning out ?

[Lardlizard]

Better or worse than you expected

.

'It is, what it is'

Married over 30 years.
Reared a smashing family.
Still love my husband.

Made really stupid decisions financially.
Suffer with depression because of it.
Feel despondent about future.

This is a fascinating thread.
I am content in my life's achievements which were not very high to begin with. I have healthy children and a good marriage (having had major issues about 10 years ago where we almost split up, but as a result of this 'crisis' the marriage is stronger now), good friends and I like my job.
When things are going well I get suspicious and anxious thinking 'this is too good, something has to go wrong'
I don't know why I think like that when I have not experienced any major traumas.
I am on 20mg of Citalopram fro Anxiety and Depression and could not cope without it.
I do, however, have some issues with my extended family in Ireland and I dread going there!

I had quite strange visions of the future as a teenager: either married to a rich man, huge house, luxury holidays; be an amazing career woman and have the aforementioned things off my own bat; or be a bohemian single mother of two daughters travelling the world!

In reality none of those things!

I have an admin job in public services, have been married 25 years, one DS. We own our own home but it's very modest in quite a cheap area. In a way my life is very ordinary, but I'm quite content. I work part time and have a good work-life balance. We're not rich but not poor either!

Better than expected. But I did have very low expectations.

Worse. I expected to be happy and have a couple of kids. I have one beautiful daughter and a so so marriage. Only having one child is tough when I wanted more but my husband was very much against it. Also I have no friends and I am realizing how dismissive my extended family are towards me.

On the surface my life looks good. Good job, comfortable finances, live in a great place, lovely little family. But underneath is daily sadness that I can't shift or turn into gratitude no matter how hard i try.

Its the sadness I didn't expect. No-one looks into their future thinking that.

Not turning out how I expected at all. At 40 I thought I'd still have my happy marriage and would be in a good place.

Instead my husband has left and I'm picking up the pieces.

I worked hard to get qualification to get a good career to be financially comfortable. Instead I'm a single mum struggling financially and just grateful that I did find the time to study as I am able to cover the bills and wouldn't be if I'd not studied hatd

This thread is a good reality check. I have spent too much time in the past comparing myself to other people's 'perfect' lives on social media. Whereas in truth most of us have mixed lives, areas of joy intermingled with anxieties or loss.

Healthy to remember that.

@BatleyTownswomensGuild I blame social media. We forget that's the filtered life so many show x

I imagined I'd be a backpacking hippy, maybe with a child, never wanted a husband. In reality I am a middle aged renter (with one child) who is divorced and in a job that pays the bills. However, after a fairly shit decade, I am back to half glass full me, so the positives are the bits I focus on and I dont know that I would change anything. I dont worry about the future; I try not to borrow worry.

Really shit. Grew up in a dysfunctional family/father was a true narcissist. Had problems at school/took overdoses 4 times as a young teen as couldn't cope with school. Was diagnosed with autism at 16. Was agoraphobic until about 23. Complex mh issues. Never had a job and i'm almost 29. Can't drive as i dissassociate too much plus autism makes it difficult to multitask. Live alone. Never had a partner. Have 1 or 2 friends but nobody to really do stuff with. Have no family/am nc with most of them. Have endometriosis as well. I've recently had an epiphany and decided that i'd like to have my own bakery/patisserie one day. I did post a thread recently but it got deleted and the replies were basically telling me it wasn't realistic. Nobody really believes in me, but if I don't do something with my life soon I will end my life as it feels utterly meaningless and bleak. I have a fear of men and intimacy and will likely never have a relationship. By society's standards I have completely and utterly failed.

I know its not a competition and the grass isnt always greener but when I hear people who have normal (to me, very lucky) lives, then they complain about being single for 2 years, I feel a bit sick.

At the minute, my mum, my cat and the birds I feed in the garden are what keeps me going. I'm like the crazy bird lady from home alone.

Oh @Toby that sounds so incredibly difficult. You are clearly a survivor though as you are still here and have plans for the future. Hope is such an important virtue. A lot of people who haven't had as much heartache wouldn't still be able to still think of a dream like your bakery. I am a total stranger but I want you to know I am proud of you. I really wish you so much luck with your baking and in the future

Its so sad to read how many on here have lost children. It really does put everything into perspective.

My life turned out better. Because I realised I don’t give a shit about money/ nice things/ excelling at my career. The stuff I thought I wanted when I was growing up. It’s like something clicked and a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.

I found a stable husband, who loves me and looks after me. I have a beautiful daughter and lovely house. I can give her the childhood I didn’t have and I couldn’t ask for more. I have my health and a wonderful friend who passed away taught me how lucky I am to have that.

Oh that’s tough. I’m so lucky-have everything I could reasonably want-security, lovely job, doting DH, child, friends, family-all in good health, kind and loving.

So I know how spoiled this is, but: that’s what I always expected for myself, so it’s not ‘better’. And I’ve always lived half in a fantasyland which makes real life seem dull. I had a wild youth, too, and god sometimes I miss the extremes, and the passion. I try to fit in to what I’ve got but it’s hard-I nearly had an affair recently and it was really about that.

Toby. I think your dream doesnt sound far fetched. People on MN can judge and be really harsh which can hurt. People talk on here much differently than they would talk to someone in real life.

I hope you find something within you that makes you happy, a hobby or a career or something that is yours.

Probably better. Very different than i imagined but i think on the whole better.

If youd have told me 10 years ago what my life was like now id have laughted and not believed it.

Thought id have an "out there" job remain free and single and live an interesting life.

My job is good but not at all out there, ive been with dp for 7 years and getting married in 7 months. I have a step child and a child.

Its mostly good though. We are comfortable ish. Have bought 2 houses together. I hope we'll have a happy and successful future. There have been some very very hard times but im just proud to have got through them!

Very interesting replies to all those suffering with loss illness and hard times
People in rl don’t always tend to talk so openly about difficulties and it’s good to share how really most of us have difficulties in life

Myself never really had any massive dreams as a child due to a mum with undiagnosed and untreated depression who would swing from being ok and nice to abusive physically at time and more frequent verbally
Which has definitely affected me

Life felt like it was going perfectly and easier than I expected until we lost our ds1 who died shortly after he was born, while still in hospital, so since then although thjngs have got easier to bear and there are happy times again it feels like a life changing deep base of sadness
But I try to aim for happy sad
Rather than sad sad

Lost my dear lovely dad a couple of years back and it’s almost as if my grief for ds1 is so deep I’ve not really grieved for my lovely dad
It’s almost like I can’t somehow Like it doesn’t touch the surface

But in a strange and crazy Mix although my life feels and has been very very unlucky to have lost our beautiful first son
My life is also charmed and free form the stress most people worry about
Mainly due to having Money and a comfortable life

Also very lucky to have two wonderful Who children who I adore, dd and ds2
And have fab relationships with them
And even though I fear I hope I don’t turn out like my mum, I mange to be a fab mum this really I suppose is my main aim and I’m doing it

Toby could you maybe start off with a cake business on the side
Birthday cakes wedding cakes etc cupcakes
Cake stalls at fates etc

Definitely worse.
My husband wouldn't buy our house.
I hate LONDON to much noise, too may people and don't feel safe with all what's going on.
Live the terrible anxiety every day and can't find anyone to swap homes with.
I just want a peaceful life

Better, definitely. It is quite astonishing to me that I have a relationship with someone like dp, who is both kind and handsome and great in bed. We had trouble having dc, but now have two, and they are wonderful. I am a nurse and doing a niche job which I love. We don't have loads of money, but have enough.

Better - plently of therapy after my childhood, a lovely DH (and now two lovely boys) and a move abroad all helped me to escape my dodgy childhood. I pinch myself a lot and never feel quite at ease though...like I could lose it all any day

I don't think it's productive to live in the past. I try and live in the moment, make everyday worthwhile in some small way.
I can't really afford to go anywhere today so I'm off to the carpet warehouse to look at rugs for my new cottage that I'm moving into in December.
Then I'm going to make some christmas ornaments.
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I could be sad about my failed marriages but I'm not.
I earn enough, I have a cute cottage in a village, I make sure my calendar has activities in it that I go to, I always have some hobby or craft on the go, life is what you make it really.
I have friends who come and stay and I have a lovely son who I see a lot. I'm not going to waste any more time on men though, they always disapoint.

Hmm, I'd say better, but I did have almost no expectations Not that I expected disaster, I just never expected to get all the partner, job, house stuff because I just couldn't grasp how people made it happen over-thinking teenager.

Overall, tricky teens due to alcoholic DF, liberating escape via uni, surprised to meet amazing man and marry at 23. Devastated when he died five years later, but have since grown into a career I love, and adopted a fabulous child who makes me deep-down burst with pride and love. Horrible time with a bully but we changed DC school and that's been transformational. We've a stable home, lovely extended family all living nearby, and I feel lucky. Even when I miss DH, I do feel lucky to have had him in my life.

Ah @FlatheadScrewdriver that's a wonderful post.