How do you feel your life is turning out ?

[Lardlizard]

Better or worse than you expected

Up until last January , I would have said pretty good.
But , now instead of being able to downsize house and be financially comfortable and settle into old age with my DH of 30 years , all has changed.

Discovered his affairs and the results are horrible. I want to leave but trapped now. My DCs are upset and family divided.

Have had to take elderly relative to live with us , so no prospect of earning money.
Very dear family members have died too young.
The stress has caused me MH and overeating.
At the moment , it all seems very hopeless.

But I am hoping that 2020 will bring some clarity and resolution in my life. As really , you have no choice but to go on ?

Had a tough start in life - below poverty line, DM with mental health problems, DF died young in an accident so I was a pretty unhappy child.

Things now are better, happily married with a DS. Home-owners with mortgage, financially doing ok. But due to crap childhood I find it hard to trust happiness. I'm always expecting a hammer-blow to come. I worry a lot about DH's health, which is patchy. (Spent yesterday in A&E.) He's been my absolute rock for 20 years and the thought of anything happening to him terrifies me.

Buzz Just catching up with the thread now and seen your comment. Life isn't picture perfect on paper- I'm no contact with my mother, we're starting fertility treatment in the new year (same sex couple) and our earnings are very average but day to day life is full of love and laughter. I never thought I would have a job beyond minimum wage or someone who loves me and is always thinking of me so even scraping above people's usual expectations for life meant I was winning at life!

It's a lot more mundane than I ever imagined TBH
I have an amazing teen DS, despite proclaiming vehemently that I never wanted kids, couldn't have a second but am well over that now.
Recently new to an interesting job with great opportunities, I can see myself being in some form of it for the rest of my life which is oddly comforting.
OTOH my marriage is not what it could be anymore. We're not unhappy, just not happy IYSWIM. DS is doing his GCSE's in the summer so there will be no big hasty steps before then, but it's certainly something that's lurking in the back of my mind.
We also rent. This is my biggest worry if I'm honest, as well as my biggest regret.

So sorry to those who are struggling

Things are good here. I set up a small business earlier this year and whilst its early days, it's been going well. I'm happily single and childfree and these were choices I made as I enjoy life this way. I have lots of freedom and lovely friends. I lived overseas for years and loved that part too.

My folks don't keep well and won't last forever so I love spending time with them while I can.

Own (well the bank does) a tiny flat which is something I never thought I would. I love it.

Mm. Better for sure. It was awful at points along the way altho I’ve always been very good at being optimistic, but now it’s me and my wonderful DH (of four months 🥰) and our lovely life together. We’re now both partners in each other’s businesses (his 5 years established and doing well, mine a start up), I’ve just handed my notice in on my actual job to focus on my business and to do the paperwork for his. We’re off on an extended honeymoon next month, we’re going to start TTC next year. It’s all just lovely

Not how I'd imagined. Too many miserable lonely and unhappy years. Wasted 20s. A lot of feeling lost and waiting to feel like an adult.

Mid 50s now and am probably one of the most fortunate people you could meet. Made the right calls work-wise over the years and retired at 52, with capital and ongoing income having spent 30 years working hard at something I enjoyed and was good at.

Great relationship with ex - he's there for me 99% and we have blossomed apart.

Worked through a ton of shit in therapy and have laid to rest lots of crap and now feel "me" in all my bounteous wonderfulness :)

Kids were a wonder, a joy, a blessing. That one is struggling so much with their life atm as a young adult is my biggest sorrow and pain.

I could, I hope in many years time, die happy having known myself.

(But OMG the world is not what I'd thought it would be growing up - in general it's far, far worse and people are far far worse.)

At this moment I couldn’t be happier.
2 wonderful DC, lovely DH, health pretty good (could probably do with loosing half a stone but meh wine).
Just quit my job which was making me miserable and taken on a lower paid role, but with room for progression and 4 days.
Not flush but managing, can have occasional meals/ days out without worrying too much. Not materialistic so not bothered about not having newest phone etc.
Generally happy.
Not how I expected though. Thought I’d be more successful career wise but I’ve just changed priorities over the years.

Neither better or worse. Just different. I grew up never wanting to get married or have children. Wanted to be a teacher, or more specific wanted to me Miss Honey from Roald Dahls Matilda.
Went a bit awry when I took a year off before uni and never went back. Was married with three dc by age of 24 of course.
Divorced, single mum, pretty poor
BUT met a good un and now have another dc, a job I don’t hate, lovely dc, council home and no spare money but to be honest after growing up very poor, having ENOUGH money is good enough

BlueBirdGreenFence Thank you. I sincerely congratulate you on your ability to see the good. It is something I struggle a lot with so you are setting a good example.

Not great...im not particularly qualified for anything...2 divorces....parents died very young and when 2nd husband left i was completely on my own with 3 kids to support....6 years on i have a new man but no hope of a career or any decent earnings.

to those of you struggling.

Much more positive than negative. Have ticked off some big ambitions - have a baby, travel, do a certain type of work and live in certain places. My younger self would be disappointed, though not surprised, that I never got the big love affair (45 now and I suppose it's not past all hope). And that I didn't get to be an astronaut.

Overall, my life feels meaningful and authentic to me. I think my childhood self would give a nod of approval.

To be honest Buzz I'm a bit embarrassed with your compliments (although thank you) because in real life I am a massive moaner . It's because I'm always worrying about everything. Too busy sitting on edge waiting for it all to fall apart to be able to appreciate it in the moment. Don't be too hard on yourself

I'm 28.

I grew up in a very abusive home where domestic violence was the norm.

Bullied at 14 and struggled with SH and decided I would kill myself at 25.

I still have down days where i really struggle, but overall better since I started therapy close to three years ago.

I'm studying for my second degree and currently in my 5th year doing a degree in something I've wanted since I was 7.

Warning to all.

Pretty sure this thread has been mined quite extensively to select recipients for a PM from a chap who is, sadly, unhappily married and just wants someone to talk to. "Or anything else"

BlueBird. Don't be embarrassed. You made me stop and think about how I look at life. I am grateful for that!

Other than being fat it's turning out as i hoped. Good marriage, good job, nice house and car, lovely daughter and great holidays.
Could do without the anxiety and IBS though.....they weren't in my plan

I'd say probably worse. You don't really envisage any tragedy's occurring but one has in my life and its really affected me the last 5 years. I also always thought I'd go to university but never did due to unfortunate circumstances. But I do have a lovely husband and an amazing son and a really nice house in a nice street and a job that I don't hate or love. I just wish I wasn't so crippled with anxiety. It's not all bad. Just not great.

On the whole, not bad. I have a much better life than my mum. Nicer house, reasonably paid career, car, autonomy, no unpleasant husband.
I have a beautiful son but no partner. Sometimes a bit sad about that but can’t find an honest one and don’t want a dishonest one.

I think I am very lucky.

Worse at the moment, but my partner and I are struggling for money for certain reasons, which will get better .. and I just think if those struggles were taken away I would be completely satisfied!

So sorry @MuddlingThroughLife and @ShakeShakeShake6791

So far... better, but I know it can all change in an instance.

Professional job that I cld never have imagined that I'd ever have, especially leaving school at 16 with little qualifications.

Lovely family, married with 2 kids and we are happy.

We aren't rich but we certainly don't struggle and have nice house, cars, holidays etc and I work part time so have a great work life balance. So far 🤞🏻 we are all healthy.

Better. I was diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS at 26 and my disease is now described as 'behaving benignly' 20 years on. I've never needed to take any medication so feel incredibly lucky. Been with DP for 23 years and love him even more now than I did then. Things aren't always easy or straightforward and we've had to face some difficult things but yes, life has turned out much better than it could have.

Thank you so much @Milomonster – I feel very, very lucky to be her daughter

Mixed for me tbh. My 20’s were awful. I moved around a lot as a child and my parents were very cold and distant and they moved overseas just after I finished college and I felt lost and sad and ended up in a toxic relationship for ten years.

I am now married with two DD’s who are amazing and have a lovely DH. I have my own business which is really successful but I am about to sell it and start a new one.

We are lucky to own a house but our mortgage is pricey and I hate the area we live in. Once the kids finish school I am out of here.

to all those who have lost loved ones.