Is someone weeing on my chair?

[SoapAndFury]

So, I know it's highly unlikely that someone had actually we'd on my chair, but I have a mystery that needs solving!

In the past six weeks or so there have been 2 instances of a wet patch appearing on my chair at work that i am sure is wee!

Both times it happened I have noticed when I've stood up i have a mysterious wet patch on my bum cheek and it stinks of urine.

I checked both times to make sure I hadn't wet myself without realising (covering all the bases), and definitely not!

Also checked to see if my scarf or coat could have had an accidental dunk down the toilet and wet my chair, but all clothes (except the bum) are bone dry.

So please help me mumsnetters to identify what on earth this could be, or I will just have to put it down to the phantom pisser, and put up with a pissy patch every few weeks

Something dripping from the ceiling?

Is the seat dry to touch? How about if you press down hard?

I thought something from the ceiling but checked and can't see anything!

And chair is wet to the touch on the particular patch. I dried it off with kitchen towel and it reeked (and was yellow ). My colleagues swear that they haven't seen anyone pee on the chair, nor have they done themselves but seriously what can it beeee!

Cat?

Fanny condensation. It’s an actual thing.

office cat
how many people use your chair?

Does this happen part way through the day?

Rats?

Have you pissed someone off? Have you got anyone likely to be a "joker" and take things a bit far?

Honestly you would know if it was a cat, cat piss stinks of cat piss.

Well if it looks like piss, and smells like piss....

Seriously, you need a timeline. What happened between you last sitting on it and finding the wet patch? Did everyone go to lunch or a meeting leaving the chair unsupervised?

I know getting body fluids on women is a perv thing - usually semen, but I expect piss is a thing too vom.

If you can narrow the time down is there any cctv that would show someone going into your office/to your chair?

I really hope it's the cat or a leak....

I checked both times to make sure I hadn't wet myself without realising (covering all the bases), and definitely not!

How are you so sure? If your chair is that wet then surely it soaked through to your knickers too? (Or equally, soaked out from your knickers)

I have absolutely nothing of use to add, but I am shamelessly place marking to see if you discover where the phantom wee if coming from

Erm...I have no advice but....you have asked your colleagues? As if one if them was going to say "oh, yeah, that was me, is that not where we're supposed to pee?"

Get a nanny cam...

Get a nanny cam...

I second that, but make sure it’s only facing your chair, maybe hide under the desk, so you can’t be accused of videoing your work mates.

Yeah, I'd be checking office CCTV frankly.

I read that as “Get a fanny cam”. Not something I’ve heard of before, but would definitely solve the mystery...

Just me using the chair, definitely not a cat (have one, and agree with PP it has an identifiable bouquet- also high rise office, no where for it to get in).
Similar with rats- its usually in the afternoon so a rat big enough to create a significant wet patch would be seen!

Not fanny sweat, even I couldn't produce enough to soak the chair- and pant were dry both times (I checked!).

Keep suggestions coming though please, want to solve the mystery!

That’s awful! I would be having meetings with HR to get that one sorted. When do the patches appear?

It could be someone walking past and pouring a container of wee onto part of your chair

Erm...I have no advice but....you have asked your colleagues? As if one if them was going to say "oh, yeah, that was me, is that not where we're supposed to pee?"

Yeah I reckon it's an incontenent colleague, poor thing is probably mortified!

Haha this happened on an episode of Catastrophe - turned out it was water dripping from the ceiling. Although I know you said it wasnt that already

I'd do as above and get a little camera set up!

I get on well with my colleagues so asking them if they saw anyone pee on the chair just made them giggle. They were most unhelpful though and would not sniff the seat to confirm that it was in fact urine!

In regards to the knicker wetting, the wet patch is sort of to the back of the chair and only wetted part of my pants, towards the upper bum cheek, definitely no wet gusset or other evidence to suggest I spontaneously and without knowledge pissed myself

I agree it could be a colleague who switches chairs about after accidents.

How horrible for you

But no one else uses the chair!
It is a big open plan office so someone could have a little bottle and squirt my chair but I can't for the life of me think why they would! I get along with everyone as far as I know!

When I go in tomorrow I will see if I can ask maintenance to check the ceiling more thoroughly than I could to see if that could be it. Much less dramatic but a preferable outcome than an office urine fiend