I need to call social services about my friend - now what?

[bumblebrambles]

I have been worried about her for a while, and uneasy about her 5yo dd.

Last night I had a serious chat with a couple other mutual friends, and we are concerned that her dd is being put into very unsafe and inappropriate situations.

• Friend has loud sex with her boyfriend while her DD is awake in the house. Sex happens in random rooms like the kitchen, where anyone can walk in on them.

• Friend leaves her DD with a male friend overnight while she works night shifts. Male friend is older and lives alone, DD has mentioned seeing him naked.

• Friend gets falling-down, vomiting drunk while her DD is awake in the house, drinks during day and evening.

• DD has severe night-time anxiety, scared of sleeping alone, and has recently started wetting the bed after years of being fully dry at night.

• DD has been complaining of feeling sore around her vulva area, Friend claims she's taken her to the GP about it and was told this was due to her touching/scratching herself with dirty hands.

• Friend has become severely depressed after a recent abortion; she didn't have any therapy before or after the procedure.

• DD's life is very chaotic, Friend passes her off to whatever friend will have her, for hours - sometimes days - at a time. Gets other people to pick her up from school, leaves her to her own devices while Friend catches up on sleep due to working nights.

Typing it all out in a list really shows how bad it is. I didn't really understand the full picture until I spoke to our other friends last night - she lies about details and situations so things don't appear as bad as they are. I think she's going through a severe mental health crisis and needs support. I think her daughter may be being abused and needs to be protected. I have tried to give her advice, to help look after her DD, to be an example of stability, etc. But what she really needs is far beyond what I can give.

What details do I need to give SS when I call them?

I've no expert knowledge but I suggest you keep that list to hand when you phone so you don't miss anything out.

Is the dd at school? Pass on the info to them if ss is too scarey a prospect....
But ss need to know.
You are an accomplice if you don't imo...

Well thanks for that little dig, Winter. I know. Which is why I'm contacting SS. I have never done this before and need to know if that is enough information.

What you have just wrote about your friends little girl has broken my heart. You need to protect her and social services will help you do that. Please please speak to them today and get that little girl some help 💔

Let them know.

Please report this to social services. That poor, poor little girl

It doesn't matter if you think its too little, still call them. They may have had other concerns and every little bit helps.

I think I would start with the school but also contact SS perhaps.

Call them, and also go into the school and make a safeguarding report. Just say exactly what is on your list.

Yes it's enough, it's more than enough. It's awful.

Have you spoken to her DD yourself, ie heard it from her that she's seen he male friend naked? How do you know for sure she has loud sex in the kitchen etc, have you been there while she's doing it? Why do you think depression following an abortion is cause for SS concern as a separate point? Have you seen your friend vomit from drink while DD is in the house?

My point is really that you need to be 100% sure of your facts and not just be relying on gossip and hearsay. It sounds as if your friend is doing her very best to support herself and her DD (working nights etc) as well as struggling with depression. I think a trip to the GP might be more appropriate than social services intervention at this point.

The school may very well be aware already with such a young child - she may have disclosed already - although they won't be able to discuss anything with you, but I'd definitely pass on these issues to them as well as SS. You are doing absolutely the right thing

You need to contact ss direct, not school. The best information is first hand rather than he said, she said.
You will need info about family... names, address, dob if you know it. You will need to tell them everything you have wrote above and definitely try to avoid any he said/she said. Say it as fact (as much as you can)... you know she is doing or not doing xyz

I think what you’ll have to do is hard but inevitable...good luck OP

Also it doesn't matter how little I do you have. This is the whole point of safeguarding being everyone's responsibility and teams around the child etc. Your little bit of info could be the last piece of a jigsaw

My comments may not be popular but I've been on the receiving end of a malicious SS report at a time when I absolutely did not need the extra worry. Of course there was no concern on the part of SS - they concluded so almost instantly - but the stress and mental anguish that this was happening on top of everything else almost broke me.

If you're 100% sure of your facts, report it. If not, suggest a GP visit because counselling/a spell on antidepressants might be more helpful.

just go through school op, they are far better placed to set wheels in motion.

Hi.
You'll need names and address for them to get the ball rolling. Anything else you can provide will be helpful to SS but not necessary for them to start a referral.
Give them the details of your list, and they'll take it from there.
Your council website will have the contact details of your local team.

Extra info, which is helpful, but not vital; dates of birth, details of other in contact with child, family/friends, name of school....

Don't worry if you don't have it all, just call!
All the best, OP. I'm glad the young girl has you looking out for her.

Yes that's enough info, although obviously they'll need her name and address.

Call SS immediately. That is a long enough list. You could also call her school anonymously and tell them you know she is being abused even if you're not certain. They won't listen otherwise.
This is just awful. Poor child.
Good luck

My comments may not be popular but I've been on the receiving end of a malicious SS report at a time when I absolutely did not need the extra worry. Of course there was no concern on the part of SS - they concluded so almost instantly - but the stress and mental anguish that this was happening on top of everything else almost broke me.

This is about the child though, not the parent.

The OP has genuine concerns and they should be reported, so SS can look into them.

Yes you need to ring them today.

Poor little girl - such a sad post

What details do I need to give SS when I call them?

Having had frequent dealings with Social Services in my former professional role, I say all of it, just as you've written it.

As long as you make it clear which is fact (things you know to be true because you have seen or heard them yourself) and which is hearsay (things mutual friends have seen/heard and also, what the mother herself has said), that gives Social Services the raw information they need to work with. They can assess it for themselves and decide how to respond. They are used to doing this and in fact, would much prefer it this way.

Please make that call if what u say is true it could be the most important call u will ever make

Just because of your experience @OpheIiaBaIIs, this should not deter op from trying to help

It wasn't a dig. It's scarey. I reported 2 girls my dd's know. Ss visited and nothing came of it except dd's lost their friends. Very sad situation...