Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15

Original poster

Just been told we live like pigs

355 replies

ILoveJoeBrown · 09/11/2019 14:14

DS has just told DH that his GF says we live like pigs. We do I suppose.

The house is a shambles, with piles of 'stuff' all over the place. My living room is still full of sh@t from DHs latest fish tank project. He has promised to clear it up but no sign of that. I have tried piling it all up one place, to make it appear tidier but out it all comes again during the week!

We both work FT, as does DS2 and our 3xDSs are all 'grown up', so usually there are 5-7 adults at home at weekends.

DH is very messy and I have to stand on a pile of his disorganised clothes by the side of his bed in order to open the curtains. He also wfh a lot, so has virtually taken over the kitchen table. He has a study upstairs, but it's covered in all his stuff that I take upstairs when I get exasperated with the mess downstairs. I can wfh but choose not to as I'd rather be out of the house.

DH occasionally puts the contents of his pockets on my dressing table when he undresses as his bedside table is - guess what...? I remove his stuff and pile it up on his bedside table anywhere I can find a space.

The boys' rooms are a tip and I end up putting their clean laundry on the floor on the landing as I have given up sorting it into little piles for each one of them and they can't seem to be bothered collecting it from the pile that accumulates in my bedroom!

We are lucky to have a big house, but that just seems to encourage big mess! I used to work PT so would spend my afternoons cleaning. I can't / don't do that now.

I even write '1 chore each' on a whiteboard in the kitchen that they all ignore.

I've stopped worrying about it [kind of - apart from the odd rant] so as a result we don't host dinners or socials like we used to. I can't have people over as the house is a tip. I try to keep on top of the hall / kitchen as they are 'more public', but I'm losing that battle as they won't hang coats up despite the coatrack; they dump school / work bags in the hallway and just drop wet umbrellas by the door!

OP posts:

StanleySteamer · 09/11/2019 16:47

"wifework"?
I had a colleague who wouldn't even put petrol in her own car. Said it was "men's work"! FGS

CravingCheese · 09/11/2019 16:48

Personally I would say there are 3 problems here 1) your dh is a hoarder and/or doesn't respect the fact that other people live in the same house 2) you are either messy as well or have just given up 3) your children have accepted the standards around them. 1 is the biggest barrier and 2 is the one you can change yourself. 3 might follow.

I agree with this. I myself am fairly messy which I mostly 'solve' by simply not owning much stuff and keeping a fairly utilitarian and straightforward (well, to me, at least) organization system.

My DH is much less messy but also owns more. He he keeps his belongings tidy.

I couldn't live like you seem to. It sounds like it may not just be messy but genuinely dirty. (like the pile of clothes next to your bed. Urgh, just... No). And too much clutter / mess actually has a fairly massive impact on my mental health...

Anyhow. This isn't just your responsibility. This is up to every adult (but particularly your DH and you) imo. Don't their belongings. They're adults, not bratty toddlers!

As for the girlfriend... Rude? Maybe a bit. but she was speaking to his boyfriend. A person one is (imo) supposed to be honest and open with. And this is probably what she genuinely believes...

CravingCheese · 09/11/2019 16:49

Oops. This was supposed to be in bold.

Starlight456 · 09/11/2019 16:50

@SimonJT . I did too at that age They also make a lot of mess at 4 🤣. We had a half hour tidy this afternoon when I said do the dishes . He said I usually put them away 🙄. He did the dishes .

I think no one actually wants to clean , some are more willing than others but like I said we put on music generally his choice as I am motivated by it needs doing he needs more motivation

LolaDabestest · 09/11/2019 16:52

I wouldn't be letting her in my house again cheeky bitch...but you've admitted she's right and it's s bit embarrassing. Tbh she's going out with him so she's just as bad knowing he does fuck all in the house. Your husband needs to pull his finger out, and so do the kids. There's no excuse for a shithole of a house you can never be happy living like that.

Frouby · 09/11/2019 16:52

Leave op. Seriously just tell them you are moving out and leave them to their filth.

I couldn't live like that, it's just grotty. It's not your job to do it but equally someone needs to take responsibility.

Cooroo · 09/11/2019 16:57

Untidy houses are not unhealthy. I should know, I live in one and am the healthiest person I know.

OP if it bothers you get everyone on board for a big tidy up. If it doesn't then fuck her, she doesn't have to live there.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 09/11/2019 16:58

It sounds like a really chaotic environment that has gotten so out of control you don't know where to start so it's just getting worse and worse.

So, it's time for a family meeting.
Everyone needs to muck in and agree to a power hour of cleaning up every day for a week - everyone included.
Mix up who takes on which area each day.

See where you are after a full week of this.

Then, once it's in an ok state, have a chores list up somewhere with jobs that need doing every couple of days.

And rotate these so people have full responsibly for one chore each week for the week eg bathroom spotless, clothes all either hung up or in washing basket etc.

Sounds like a change in approach is long overdue!

Moominfan · 09/11/2019 17:01

I wouldn't be inviting her around again. Tell the kids tidy or bin. Following that everyone's chipping in for a cleaner.

Namechangeoflife · 09/11/2019 17:02

It sounds as though you aren’t bothered about it in which case don’t give a second thought to what the girlfriend says.

Redglitter · 09/11/2019 17:03

I'd be mortified if someone commented on my house being a tip. You dont seem to care. How can you be happy living like that

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 09/11/2019 17:11

We lived with 4 dc, 3 of them adults and both worked full time. Our house was never mind that! I used to be really untidy, but now l can’t stand mess. It makes my head🤯

Boysey45 · 09/11/2019 17:11

A cleaner wont do all that tidying up. They are there just to clean not to deal with total squalor.
The girlfriend isn't the problem its your family who have accepted that its o.k to live like this. She most likely wont want to come round again, I wouldn't.
I'd tell them they either tidy it tomorrow or pack their bags and leave. Your going to end up with rats and mice if its this bad.

Leflic · 09/11/2019 17:15

I’m messy and agree that pretty much the only way to get on top of it is to have less stuff.

I think it’s easier for messy people to live with less actually as we tend not to be so invested in things ( because otherwise we’d look after them properly).

You all need to tidy up your own areas. Chuck as much as you can from communal spaces. Don’t ebay or car boot - take to charity shops or the tip.

Practise keeping the downstairs tidy if nowhere else.

TowelNumber42 · 09/11/2019 17:18

I would move into a little flat of my own down the road. I really would. Leave them in their pig sty. You wouldn't be the first middle aged woman with lazy husband and adult children to do it.

Elbeagle · 09/11/2019 17:19

Is this the GF who practically lives with you?

mencken · 09/11/2019 17:19

girlfriend is right and if she has any sense she'll run a mile from your son because he would be horrendous to live with. Sounds a bit mucky to have sex with, too - maybe that will motivate him?

you have brought up some lazy entitled brats and it sounds like you also are married to one - if you want that to change, tell them. Stop doing all laundry and have a large dustbin outside the front door. One warning, then anything dropped on the floor goes in the bin. If nothing else, that will reduce the clutter.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 09/11/2019 17:23

Maybe the gf said it in the context of 'we're never living together because you live like a pig' - which is valid.

If you have a garage/cellar/loft - pick everything up, put it in bin bags and put it in the garage/cellar/loft. Once they have to sort through the bags to find what they want, it might make them more considerate going forward.

Take photos of how the house looks when it's tidy. It makes it easier to see when it starts to slip and it makes it easier to see what you're aiming for the house to be like. Stick the pics up on the kitchen noticeboard if you have one.

StillMedusa · 09/11/2019 17:24

I have 6 adults in my house (three of my four, plus partner) Last year I had 7 and currently I have eight (two guests for a month!) It's not a big house...

All of us work full time (except me..4 days a week) . They do their own laundry, ( will put loads on for others but I sure as hell am not sorting it)and either cook for themselves or we take it in turns. We aren't perfect, and stuff accumulates during the week..but the rule is..weekends the house is tidied and cleaned. I don't mind doing the most as I'm off on Mondays but everyone has to chip in... because it's non negotiable they do it. Bedrooms are their own issue but after a couple of weeks I nag them and they sort it, because they are expected to.

Left to their own devices I'm pretty sure the place would be a tip and the bathrooms foul, but this is MY forever home and while they live here they have to respect that,

In your position..if you genuinely don't care, that is fine, but if you do, a meeting, a clear message that anything left on the floor/untidied from now on will go into the bin... and DO it... should get the message across!

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 09/11/2019 17:33

You are not alone. If you manage to resolve this can you please post back how you did so. I am in a similar situation.

NerrSnerr · 09/11/2019 17:37

We're quiet messy and as someone said upthread we have a cleaner (2 hours a fortnight) and we do a big tidy up before they come so they can actually clean. It keeps us motivated to actually do it.

OctoberLovers · 09/11/2019 17:39

Whats the point of your thread?

Sounds like you do live like pigs.

You stand on clothes to open the curtains?
Christ!

You need to tell them all, they tidy up their shit or your dump it all outside.... And do it. Otherwise nothing will change

Why are you doing adults laundry?

leckford · 09/11/2019 17:43

Get a lot of black bin bags, go around the house every day and put crap into them and put them in the bin, if they moan, just say you havn’t seen it and they need to store things in their room. If enough stuff vanishes they will start looking after it

RhinoskinhaveI · 09/11/2019 17:55

read them the riot act!!!

Beautiful3 · 09/11/2019 18:09

A cleaner won't help with all the crap. Pick it all up and put it on the owner's bed. Keep it away from shared spaces.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15