What exactly is ‘family admin’ ?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I have a calendar on the fridge door. If there’s a parents evening, after school club or dentist appointment I write it on there.

It takes about 12 seconds.

What are mums doing that warrants ‘time set aside per week for family admin’?

I think family admin probably takes a lot less time and stress if you are comfortably off as well. If you don't have to do price comparisons for everything you buy, you can shave quite a lot of time off shopping.

If you can just 'call your nanny' rather than relying on a somewhat more economical model for childcare, then it probably does only take one phone call to arrange.

If you can pay for things upfront rather than having to work out installments or sort out interim measures until you have saved up.

If you have the money, you don't find yourself dealing with 'value' version of everything, so you probably don't spend as long dealing with broken items, arguing over bills with incompetent suppliers and you might be able to choose not to bother pursuing £20 her or there rather than having to wait on hold for hours.

It's hard when you're struggling, whether someone else would find it easy or not.

JenniferM completely agree.

CharityConundrum

Don’t forget other do have ‘help’ either a cleaner or involved parents.

I think we all do this shit. Well, I do, anyway. It's just that some of us don't make a big deal of it.

I don’t think it’s wanky, I’d rather just say family admin (not that I’ve ever used the term) than to say, I’m paying bills, taking a to sport 1, b to music 1, c to other thing, this one has dentist/ortho/go or talk about my many medical appts, or getting the windows fixed or the fridge door needs fixing or the car door that won’t open or the gate latch that needs sawing off and replace >who does that by the way. None else gives a shit and no the twat of a husband does none of that.

Apparently my son is five years over due for his eye test. Whatever admin is I think it should have included this.

00BackforGood

Dentist - new app't is made on the same day that we attend the current app't Except, in 6 months time, their timetables will have changed or they are attending a practice or club that wasn't on when you booked the original appt ours are always in the same week in the August holidays and Feb half term. They haven't changed for ages so I know not to arrange anything for those days.

Bills are direct debit so don't need much in the way of setting up - although every year I spend some hours making sure (at different times of year) I'm getting best deal on 2 x car insurance, included in the lease plan 1x house insurance (I know others have life insurance and pet insurance and phone insurance and boiler insurance) we rent and have no pets so only have contents cover. Literally takes 10-20 mins on a few different websites on utilities once a year or, more likely, 2 years. Last time, because we're social housing tennants, Community Switch called me and helped me through it. Took about 15 minutes on broadband dh sorts that on mobile phone deals I didn't upgrade last time so I just used the o2 app to switch from the tariff I had, at £42 pcm, to a rolling sim only deal costing £21. I just did that instead of coming on here so didn't actually lose any time doing so. Dh does his own phone on bank account savings rates oh to have enough money left over each month to warrant researching savings accounts! on credit cards don't have one on current accounts I just stay with the same one. It's free and I've disabled the overdraft facility so I don't incur charges.

Forms are filled in as and when required, once every few months at the most and the majority don't take that long to do I take it you don't have kids going off on residentials / school trips / cub camps etc then, as I used to get this joy4 or 5 times a year x 3 dc I have 2dc, both in primary school. One is going on a residential in December as it happens and all I've filled in so far is a slip to give permission and a form re. medical needs. That same child went on a school trip to a coal mining museum just before half term. Yes, it was landed on us at short notice but again, filling in the permission slip took two minutes. Unfortunately we couldn't afford to pay the voluntary contribution so we didn't pay. The other child hasn't had any out of school trips so far this year; as far as I know the fire brigade are visiting them instead as part of their Fire of London topic. We can't afford for them to do multiple after school clubs etc so we don't have much to organise outside of school.

Ds's app'ts with the paediatrician are generally sent by the hospital so we just have to ring and say yes, it's convenient or no, it's not and can we make it another day. We don't have many other health care things apart from ringing every few months for a repeat prescription YOur hospital must have more efficient admin system than my local hospitals then. I'm pleased for you. Genuninely. Sorry, perhaps rather naively, I assumed this was the same throughout the country.

The car is a lease car so we don't have much to organise with that apart from the tyres (they come to us) and the service and all that takes is a 5 min phone call well, I have MOT as well as 'things that crop up' like a puncture or some twat taking the wing mirror off when it is parked. So then it is a diary check to find who can manage without a car, when, before phoning the garage to book it in - that may then be followed by calls to other parents to ask for help with lifts if it is more than a day job without the car when I slid into a parked car last year they came to collect ours and sent us a courtesy car that same day. The same thing happened when someone reversed into dh at some traffic lights. When one car needed tyres I blocked that day out of my diary which, as a casual supply teacher, isn't a problem for me.

I go through the dc's bookbags every day or read the updates on their app. It doesn't take much to send an envelope with money in or sign a note for whatever they want permission for if you have been to the cashpoint to get the cash out we always have a stash of cash and if you have envelopes in I bought a massive pack from Home Bargains ages ago and keep them on top of the microwave and if the dc has efficiently brought the letter home the school put details of any trips or special occasions etc on their communication app so I know to ask for letters. If there aren't any then I just write a note in their planners and if you can fit in rummaging through 3 x book bags whilst trying to get the evening meal on, whilst simultaneously getting them to find their swimming trunks / cub uniform / football boots / 'thing' they need for school next day / actually shutting the curtains in your house or going for a wee for yourself I do the book bag as soon as we get in. They have evening meal at childminder's or I give them something like beans on toast, a jacket spud with cheese, fishfingers with crispy potatoes and veg or something out of the slow cooker on days when my mum has them so it's nothing too taxing. We don't do any after school clubs (this is not through choice however; I would love to be able to take them swimming or to football or a music club but haven't got the money for it) and we sort out the next day's school things later on when dh is there too. The dc shut the curtains.

We don't meal plan much and the shopping list is generally the same every week so that doesn't take much time and it's not a difficult or strenuous job ordering it online no, not in itself, but it is the layers and lists of jobs, none of which take that long individually, but then they add up when you need to do several of them We just do them as they are needed and don't build it up into a massive issue. The food shop is a once a week thing and then we nip to Tesco's as we're passing for more milk and bread as we run out.

Dh sorts his own stuff out All fine

We share the kids' stuff so it doesn't all fall onto me and childcare is probably the biggest headache, especially since they started school and we have to rely on a childminder yes, but it is still family stuff that needs sorting, and you need to be clear who is fetching whom from where, and when if it is shared. Dh takes them to breakfast club every day, I pick them up from the childminder on 2 days and my mum looks after them at our house on the other days. It very rarely changes.

AgnesGrundy sorry I missed your reply 're stationery. I take it you're in Ireland from the use of €? Perhaps it's the norm there for pupils to supply every single item used in school apart from text books. My children take their own pens and stationery which are easily replaced when necessary, and any other supplies (e.g. art stuff) is bought as and when, if needed to complete work at home.

I sort of agree with both sides of the argument.

YY to everything to do with family life being inordinately time consuming

NN to it being family admin. It is just family life, the stuff you do that expands to fill the available space. I never do meal planning or birthday planning or indeed holiday planning, stationery buying [considered] medical planning. I do what needs to be done, when it demands to be done cannot be avoided
but it isn't something I timetable. A bill comes, I pay it, an appointment arrives I put it in the diary. I have toothache, I ring the dentist. It is UCAS time now, so I look up some open days and go to them and book tickets. And read through PS for the teenagers. It is all so-called admin, but it is really family life not admin as such.

We keep it limited as we can. We don’t use the library, dc don’t do music or sport or extracurricular, we don’t have pets. I also ignore requests for cake sales, school fetes. Teacher meetings don’t happen often.

We don’t really meal plan, just work around what is already in the fridge.

Buy shoes, clothes and uniforms a few times a year.

We don’t plan holidays in advance either, just have a look to see what is available when we know we have a chance to get away.

So apart from the ‘life admin’ everyone needs to do (bills, deliveries, repairmen) then it is just the childcare fees to pay and parties and play dates for the dc to arrange. And a couple of gp and dentist appointments for the dc.

Well this is evolving into women tearing down other women.

These threads always involve people with lots of illness/disability/special needs for themselves or a family member raging. I think OP means healthy people making a meal out of booking the odd doctors appointment, not unfortunates.

I do think the more you do the more you can do. If you have less time in your week youll look for efficiencies and won't overdo tasks. If you're used to being busy you maybe dont find lots of to dos overwhelming.

Scheduling appointments is stressful around everyone being busy, 2x jobs plus all the dcs activities . But its still not something that takes up a lot of time is it? Going to appointments takes time but thats not admin, its life.

I go with a "do it while i remember" philosophy. I dont save up tasks and do them all at once. Plus I multitask.

I have 5 dc, 4 of whom have disabilities, that's a lot of admin!

FFS family admin just means admin to do with family stuff - it's just a boring but useful description of a certain type of admin stuff that we all generally have to do.

Unless you regularly find yourself sitting for an hour at a time sorting half a dozen different things out that all need calls, forms etc. then you're going to think (like the OP) that it doesn't warrant its own words, but once you have you'll just find yourself using some word or phrase for it because if someone asks you what you've been doing today you're not just going to say 'life' are you?

How wanky would that be? What have you been up to today? "Oh I worked until half four and then did a bit of family admin lived my life"? Or maybe you're not even meant to mention the working, are you just meant to say "Oh I lived my life"?

Or are you supposed to go into great detail, to avoid using any kind of phrase like 'family admin'? "Oh I worked till four and then filled in two scout camp permission forms and hunted around online to find somewhere that sells wetshoes at a reasonable price and can deliver in a week and then I rang the optician and made an appointment and then I put in my work leave request and then I bought a birthday present online and then I booked the dishwasher repair bloke". I suspect whoever asked will be long gone!

I am amazed that anyone can find it unreasonable that there's a phrase to describe that sort of thing. It's hardly glamourising it, it's just saying what it is. Some people just say admin, some people say house stuff perhaps, some people say family admin - probably partly depending on how much of it is kid related. I honestly can't see what's controversial about it.

I see this term as covering anything you need to do to keep the house running. Online grocery shopping, buying presents for kids parties, finding best deals on insurance, getting someone in to fix the dryer, planning changes to the house/ garden, time to book all the Christmas activities before they sell out, researching and booking birthday parties/ holidays, sorting out all the stuff to do with 30 hours 'free' childcare, meal planning, reading up on parenting books, anything really. People may call this stuff something else. Maybe in other families this stuff just happens. In our house I do it on my day off (along with other more varied and interesting things). Some weeks I may spend 5 mins on this, other weeks it may be more like 4 hours. It is just life stuff, but it's life stuff that wouldn't get done otherwise, or would get done badly/ would be stressful.

Healthy people?
Unfortunates%?

Wtf?

OP actually asked MUMS what do they do. As anyone with at least a little bit of imagination and life experiences knows, that can mean various types of women and circumstances.
Mums with one child,mums with 5.
Mums in great relationships,mums in shit or abusive relationships,single mums.
Mums with a great support network,mums with a very minimal one or none.
Mums on the breadline, wealthy mums.
Etc etc etc.

It's not that hard to imagine a situation where family admin can be quite a big task in terms of effort and mental load,but also time wise,especially if it all falls to one person.

If you're used to being busy you maybe dont find lots of to dos overwhelming.

I think that's probably the crux of it tbh. It seems to me that some people are making enormous mountains out of molehills by trying to present trivial, routine tasks as something much more substantial, but perhaps that's because the kind of tasks that people are discussing on this thread are the kind of thing that I squeeze in during the gaps in my day. If people aren't used to managing a busy workload, I guess the tasks loom larger and expand to fill the time available.

Why is it necessary for everyone to spend a significant amount of time doing something, for the people who do regularly spend significant time doing it to have a word for it?

Or is it that some people are so absolutely certain that the people spending more than 12 seconds at a time doing admin are doing it wrong and must be told, that they are attacking the use of a word for it as a way of doing that?

This week?
An online credit card application. Hours mucking about with universal credit. Logging into one school system to pay for a club, logging into another school system to pay for a non uniform day. Logging into a third school meals system to add bank details for school lunches and make a transfer. Two school newsletters have come in this week. One wants fancy dress to be planned. Two birthday parties this week, presents considered and ordered plus cards. One birthday party to be booked for next month, called the venue, invitations were easy as by text and were delegated to relevant child. Doctors appointment for elderly family member made and reported back. Trip to the cash machine for cash to hand out. Sorting dependent relatives’ gas payment meter meant half a day hanging round their place. Still arguing with British Gas about two separate things, one being money they keep taking from my bank account for a service I’m not using. I’ve booked a holiday too, this week, and juggled savings accounts to do with that. I’ve booked travel insurance. Spoken to the window cleaner about the gutters. Done the online shop which is coming in the morning, found and applied a discount voucher for it. Started up a regular amazon pantry order for some big items. Changed bank details on some online services as I have a new bank card. Spoken to the internet provider about the dodgy wifi and about new deals for mobile phone of oldest child which is on the blink. Taken one child for a hospital appointment for something minor and cancelled a hospital appointment of my own because I couldn’t get the time off work. Bought a present for, wrapped and baked a cake for a sibling’s birthday. Booked train tickets for an event next month and taken house keys to the key cutting place to get a new key for the in laws who are looking after children. Taken in a parcel for my sister in law and taken it round to her place. Called a plumber for another relative’s emergency and taken a cat (not mine) to the vet. Felt guilty because I couldn’t go to the dc harvest festival (although I took the two minutes needed to mark it on the calendar) but have booked tickets to see the dc Christmas play. Transferred money over to DH to deal with next month’s car insurance. Done a full food shop for a household not my own and delivered it to them.

The idea that ‘family admin’ just means one or two dependent DC and is therefore wanky is annoying me. Tell me what I should call it when I have family members of all ages and in varying degrees of health and ability depending on me to help them with their ‘life admin’. I do the DCs admin because they are too young. I do the household admin because it’s my house. I do my family admin because there are many types of families and those with caring responsibilities, aged parents, elderly relatives, can often be running several households!

It seems to me that some people are making enormous mountains out of molehills by trying to present trivial, routine tasks as something much more substantial

I suppose that proves that some of it is indeed people wanting to tell others off (why??). Where do you get this idea that having a name for something is making it seem more substantial, rather than simply describing it? What if someone said they squeezed their family admin into gaps in their day? (basically what you just said). I would know exactly what they meant - would you accuse them of trying to make it seem like more than it is because they had a word for it??

I forgot the biggest one. Budgeting. Very important and without witch we would be in a mess.

I think thats a really interesting point Alexa. I normally have a demanding job with rather irregular hours, as does my DH only his also involves a lot of travel, both home and abroad. But I am currently on long term sick leave and am pretty much housebound. Normally our lives run with military precision with very little missed or forgotten but since I have been off work it has been dreadful. I have failed to top up the dinner money accounts, missed a dentist appointment, paid bills late - all kinds of stuff that when I was busy i just did, but now seem like lots of work and a real imposition. Ok, some of that is because I am ill and am taking a fair few drugs that are probably impairing my cognitive function but I think there is an element of overthinking and making more of an issue of some things than I need to. Under normal circumstances I just get on with stuff but now I have more time I have started dithering over decisions and worrying unnecessarily. I am not suggesting that everyone is the same but it is definitely an issue for me and I doubt I am unique!

Ah just phoning my nanny

You wouldn't be winding us up now would you Lucy?

I don't know Essential, I guess it's just that calling it "family admin" makes it sound like a significant chunk of work - like an actual job - rather than just a bunch of random bits and bobs that are merely normal part of everyday life. Also, a lot of the people who use this phrase tend to be the ones who claim that it takes up loads of their time. If that's the case, I can't help but feel that they're either exaggerating/over-estimating or just doing it really inefficiently.

Perhaps it's just a difference in terminology, I don't know. The fact that people feel the need to call it anything bemuses me somewhat, and makes me feel like they're possibly overthinking it.

How interesting elbowed. I can see how that might happen. I'm sorry that you're unwell.

DD has additional needs so there are lots of different appointments, meetings and forms. Unfortunately all calls involve waiting time, forms are never straightforward, meetings need preparation. It all adds up. I never call it “family admin” personally but it’s just a name for this sort of stuff when you don’t want to go into details.