What exactly is ‘family admin’ ?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I have a calendar on the fridge door. If there’s a parents evening, after school club or dentist appointment I write it on there.

It takes about 12 seconds.

What are mums doing that warrants ‘time set aside per week for family admin’?

But it is something everyone does, well anyone who has ever been an adult in their own house (which I'm guessing is most people who don't go from parental home to marital home).

Do people really think that men never paid their own utility bills? That they never got their car MOTed and serviced? That they never made their own medical appointments? That they never sorted their arrangements for birthdays and Christmas presents?

Of course they did!

The thing is "family admin" has this noble implication of someone doing something for the greater good, giving some elevated status for "basic life things" whereby somehow it needs recognising as a mountain of work, when calling it what it really is "basic life stuff" and "picking up after a grown adult who CBA" raises the question of "so why are you promoting man child behaviour?".

No one has said it is 'rocket science', no one has said working parents have less of it, I don't think anyone has used it as a reason they can't work. It's a term for all the things pp have described, making appointments, remembering school stuff etc. Some people have much more family admin than others and it does take up much more of their time. This just seems like a round about way to have a bit of a bitch about other women, especially SAHMs.

"My son has a disablilty, no admin created, I just read the letter and turn up to the appointment, hardly rocket science."

It is not like that for lots of children with disabilities particularly as they get older and you have constant battles with any of education, health and social care even if has been established that your child has severe needs.

Well I've had fights to get my ds his ehcp. Yes, it was a lot of paperwork, emails and tribunal. I didn't ever call it family admin though. I guess it's more about the semantics than what people actually do.

I just think anything related to the family (ds and I) is called being a parent or adult!

Why are you promoting man child behaviour?
Why are you blaming women for mens behaviour?

I don't think people who use the phrase 'family admin' are elevating into anything it is not, just describing an activity, for some it takes barely any time, for some it takes more. Parents of dc with disabilities have said that it does indeed take up mountain of their time, do you think they're just lying or really disorganised?

My son has autism as well and it still doesn’t add to my load. We have an EHCP appeal on Monday. It involved ringing up for 2 mins then waiting for the appointment to come through. I then got the appointment and arranged time off. Done. Car insurance takes 20 mins max once a year. Bills are direct debit. I honestly don’t see where the admin is?

This thread is a bit bonkers!
I mean most things mentioned are once a year like insurance. Dentist Parent evening... 2 - 3x in a 12month period?
Kids clubs are weekly, surely they are part of your routine and don't deserve special highlighting, the same as food shopping. We all have to eat.
Oh and the car once again, most things are annually, it really takes a few minutes to book it in for service / MOT.
That leaves us with the unexpected... most things can't be planned for. And things have to be dropped last minute.
I am a notorious planner, especially family events and holidays!
All those spending hours every week on family admin, go out and get a life!

I don't call it family admin but it is something that takes up lots of time in our situation. I spent several hours yesterday researching and noting the legal obligations of one service who are currently not following nice guidelines. It is part of my carer role not parenting as most parents don't do it.

Well this week I’ve had to
Re-fill in emergency contacts form and get emergency contacts to sign for gdpr purposes - took longer than 12 seconds

Fill in medical details form for school

Fill in form for trip and get DD to sign to say she agreed to the behaviour policy
Try and find payment for trip on app, it wasn’t where it normally is so then posted on parents Facebook page and emailed school

Pay instalment for residential trip x 2 kids on app

Made dentist appts - this involves ringing over and over during the course of a couple of hours until someone answers

Sort out poppies for remembrance parade and for DD school choir thing
Read scouts emails regarding poppy parade and work out where to go as it’s somewhere else this year

Read scouts email regarding summer camp and talk to DD about if she wants to go

TV has broken so spent a longer than 12 seconds along with DH seeing it it’s repairable/looking up new ones and trying to decide when we can afford to replace

Making list of food needed for Christmas and finding out what sister and family like/want to eat

Searching for and ordering various Christmas presents online

Sending DS1 phone back

Planning scouts cash flow forecast for meeting (this admittedly isn’t family admin but I probably wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t have a family!!)

Meal planning/grocery list, working out what newly veggie DD will eat instead of our normal meals

Remembering that DS2 is due a hearing test with ENT and to chase appt

Read email and discuss with DD about entering gymnastics competition

Sitting with DS2 as they have changed the school menu so asking him for his choices for the 3 week rota of meals, biking and paying for them

Monitoring DS1 and DDs school money accounts and topping up

Checking DS1 spending on a day as he texted to ask how much he had spent (I’m assuming to work our if he could buy a cookie or something as they have a daily spending cap

Reading scouts email and working out how much I owe for 3 x different sized and priced hoodies and transferring the money

Check bank account daily and work our what bills/things we need to buy are still left to pay this month and what money we have left (some people who are richer probably won’t have to do this)

Those are just things off the top of my head and other weeks will be things like fill in and respond to DS1 School action plus report for his additional needs, or research family holiday etc

Putting these onto the family calendar probably only took “12 seconds” but actually performing /booking the tasks took longer and then actually doing the tasks will take considerably longer eg food shopping, taking to appts etc but I guess that doesn’t fall under ‘admin’
I’m never sure if the following things I’ve done this week fall under family admin or housework
Sewing on loads of scout/cubs badges

Tracking down and counting DDs school tights to work out if she needs more
Labelling new scouts hoodies x 3

Finding hiding places for various Xmas things that are arriving

Searching online for Christmas pjs

Now I work almost full time and most of that is done around work and housework etc so I can see the point that family admin isn’t always a justifiable reason for not working but if you are at home and someone asks what you have done all day the above would be things you had done and had taken up time and things the SAH person would do so the working person didn’t have to.

Why are you blaming women for mens behaviour?
I think BOTH adults in a normal adult relationship have responsibilities.
In our relationship, DH picks up the "family admin" for some things and I do others.

Like I say, are people who think it's inevitable for women to do it all seriously believing that before their relationship their partner never booked his own dentist appointment? Never took his car to the garage? Never paid his own utility bills? Never paid the council tax?

It's a fairly low expectation of a partner if it's expected and accepted that on joining a relationship he suddenly becomes incapable of all the basic adulting he was doing just fine in his own place.

Fucking hell. This place at the moment. It really does feel as though people enjoy sneerily shitting on people who say they find things tough and find it hilarious that people might feel overwhelmed by all the stuff they have to sort....."got a disabled child?" "Pah...I have 3, I'm a lone parent, work full time, and donate all the free time I have to charidee because I manage to do all the phonecalls and sorting out in 15 seconds between having a piss and doing a 5k run...".

I should take a break.

Focyt, that is the admin, the 2 minute phone call followed by however long it took you to arrange time of work. It didn't take you long. Last week I was on the phone for 20 minutes sorting out an error the hospital made about an appointment for my ds, then called school to tell them about the new appoinment, then called dp to see if he could leave work to either take ds or pick up dd. It took me half an hour or so, not rocket science but a thing that needed doing, some call it life admin.

hazeyjane
It can be like that on here, but equally I think that's separate to whether "basic life things" really need a special title to make it seem like a massive job.

I think most of us can think of some really rubbish times in life, or times where we've felt overwhelmed for whatever personal situation was going on ( I know I can). The bills need paying though, because that's part of having a house. If we need a medical appointment then it needs booking. It's not "woe is me having to do family admin"; it's "we're having a tough time but ultimately as adults we have to get on with it".
That's what I think people are saying is that a lot of what gets turned into a "here's a list of family admin I have done" is really just "here's things that many adults have to do because that's being an adult/parent".

So family admin just looks like the boring bits of life.

Oh bless you OP, this is just yet another of the seemingly interminable threads on MN posed as wide-eyed “I just don’t understand” when in reality you want a pat on the back for doing it so much better.

Go you OP. You’re great.

I wouldn’t say taking a kid to the dentist is “family admin”. I suppose making appointments etc might be. I’m always a bit sceptical that you have to be a sahp because of “family admin”. I manage to have a busy job and be a single parent and do all the admin. Actual appointments etc are a hassle but I manage.

I think it's the mental load - so just the fact that more women tend to take on sorting things out.
However people justifying staying home to do "family admin" are stretching it a bit. People working FT still have to do all those jobs too.

I’ve never heard it called family admin bar on MN, usually by people insisting they can’t work or do more than a few hours because that and housework takes all day.

We both work full time and booking appointments, sorting insurance takes minutes per day if that.

I think jobs can expand to fill the time available - in fact, is that not proven?

Like retired people can fill their days with the sort of stuff they just slotted in when they worked - for my MIL it was a busy week if she had to take the car to be serviced and have a hair cut

We all have to do life stuff and we either cram it in or spread it out depending on our circumstances. At the moment I work so it all happens on the margins, but damn right I'll enjoy having time for all the day to day crap when I'm retired.

Planning meals, buying food, cooking meals, defrosting food in advance

Arranging playdates, accepting birthday invites, buying presents for children’s birthdays, making sure there are cards, getting them written and signed, sending thank you notes, taking and collecting children from and to parties

Inviting grandparents to school events, checking school calendar which changes sometimes without notice, working out what fancy dress or nativity costumes are needed, making or buying them, making sure they get to school/nursery on right day. Making and packing snacks and/or lunches for school, making sure pe kit, books etc are in right bag at right time

Etc etc etc. Makes me tired just writing some of it down.

Family admin deserves a name because it takes time and energy and mostly women end up doing it whoever is working.

I just think anything related to the family (ds and I) is called being a parent or adult!

Ok parent admin then. It’s still admin whatever you want to call it, not sure why people are resistant to that label.

I’m shit at admin so it probably takes me longer than others and I hate doing it.

Family admin deserves a name because it takes time and energy

Apart from on MN when you get reams of posters falling over themselves to assert just how efficient they are

Like retired people can fill their days with the sort of stuff they just slotted in when they worked - for my MIL it was a busy week if she had to take the car to be serviced and have a hair cut grin
We all have to do life stuff and we either cram it in or spread it out depending on our circumstances
That's my view too. And there should be give an take within the relationship, eg. I'll do more "family admin" during the school holidays because I'm off work and it's convenient to put the car in when one of us is at home. Other tasks DH does because he's quicker and better at them than me.

Though I think you know one of my retired relatives. I called at the weekend to see how they were and they'd not got round to some mundane task because they'd been so busy. In fact so busy they joked that they weren't sure how they ever had time to work!

It is also the mental load associated with some of the admin. If your not doing it or getting it wrong would result in your child not getting the provision they need then it takes it to a different level. You have to be aware of any counter arguments that may be used and be very aware of the law. If people think that all disabled children get everything they need without this, they are naive.